In My Chest.
Wedged Between My Ribs.
I'm the girl with the corpse-baby in my chest.
Walking around with those icecold limbs everyday wasn't an option; never never was. Spread across my skin, sunken within my true ribs and rattling rattling around like jewels within a hollow skull, those limbs constrained me, a blue lifeless mixture of flesh and bone. A cage within my own ribcage. I felt like puking, felt like dipping myself in hot hot water just to shove away its frigid heat and sickening sounds. Boil those baby hands and legs away, hoping they'd peel off like dead skin.
I was born with the baby in my chest; they can't take it out. They don't want to. If they did, hell, I'd be normal. And you'd never want someone like me to be normal, would you? They wanted me to say I'm the girl with the corpse-baby in my chest to people like you. Sing it like a nursery rhyme to people who'd point, who'd stare, who'd run away and who'd puke everything they ate back a few weeks ago when they see the glassy eyes within my cleavage and the underdeveloped knees under my breasts. People like you. You're scared of me, and that's justified.
But do you know how it's like to be scared of yourself? You probably did at one time, when you lost control over yourself, when you were drunk, when you were high, or when you were simply stupid. Well, contrary to you lucky bastard, I've never been in control.
The baby cage was; baby cage swallowed me whole.
The baby wheezes through my nights; doesn't let me sleep with its disgusting glossy eyes aimlessly rolling around within my collarbones; fish eyes that make me want to hurl my guts and every dirty shared organ out of my body whenever I sense those useless eyeballs revolving in their place, wet and heavy. It doesn't even feel like a body anymore. It's a living cradle. It's a curse merged into my veins and flesh.
The head's right between my ribs, where that damned sternum bone was supposed to be, and the body...the body stole my ribs, my lungs, my heart and my soul. Cold blue hands that would twitchtwitchtwitch like a ticking clock waiting for death row. Doesn't have a mouth nor a nose, just two holes right in front of my collar bone like an over-sized insect bite: infected, hollowed then left as jagged holes. I could stare for hours into those holes and never blink. Can't lie face down or I'll kill it. Can't bump into things or it'll die. Can't hug a person or it'll choke. Can't even weep or it'll fucking drown. All I can do is beatbeatbeat my legs, beatbeatbeat my head, beatbeatbeat my arms while those fish eyes stare at me giggling as a rush of blood turns the blue purple and its soft breaths and little holes into miniature chimneys. Baby's enjoying the beat of your heart and the wasting of your soul, it's sucking you in. That's what I see in its eyes. Baby's a little evil.
I can't be normal because I'm just not normal. Would any of you want a baby in their chest instead of their arms? A baby that dictates your life? You can't even imagine that, can you?
Waking up with frozen little blue legs dangling on your sides, scaring the living shit out of you everyfuckingtime, should be enough to want to run away from this idea, from me, from the person who's making you see nightmares and lose your lunches. Look, you've already stopped looking at me right now, you're avoiding the second pair of eyes staring at you and you don't want to see my face; my pale sweaty face that's about to turn green with sickness.
Go on. Lust over the babyfaced girl with the baby in her arms, praise the boy with the crutches and steel bolts in his legs for trying to walk up after crashing into a six-year-old little girl and splattering her blond scalp all over the street signs; defend the woman with the broken neck who pushed her husband down the stairs just to go down with him; soothe the man with the lost fingers who got caught stealing your expensive meat grinder and your precious knifes.
Just look away from me, the girl with the extra soul. Wheezing away my days and nights, with the blue baby coddling me, warming me up with those blue blue limbs away from your eyes. The blue blue baby is all I need now.
Wheezing away my days and nights and coddling my chest.
Walking around with those icecold limbs everyday wasn't an option; never never was. Spread across my skin, sunken within my true ribs and rattling rattling around like jewels within a hollow skull, those limbs constrained me, a blue lifeless mixture of flesh and bone. A cage within my own ribcage. I felt like puking, felt like dipping myself in hot hot water just to shove away its frigid heat and sickening sounds. Boil those baby hands and legs away, hoping they'd peel off like dead skin.
I was born with the baby in my chest; they can't take it out. They don't want to. If they did, hell, I'd be normal. And you'd never want someone like me to be normal, would you? They wanted me to say I'm the girl with the corpse-baby in my chest to people like you. Sing it like a nursery rhyme to people who'd point, who'd stare, who'd run away and who'd puke everything they ate back a few weeks ago when they see the glassy eyes within my cleavage and the underdeveloped knees under my breasts. People like you. You're scared of me, and that's justified.
But do you know how it's like to be scared of yourself? You probably did at one time, when you lost control over yourself, when you were drunk, when you were high, or when you were simply stupid. Well, contrary to you lucky bastard, I've never been in control.
The baby cage was; baby cage swallowed me whole.
The baby wheezes through my nights; doesn't let me sleep with its disgusting glossy eyes aimlessly rolling around within my collarbones; fish eyes that make me want to hurl my guts and every dirty shared organ out of my body whenever I sense those useless eyeballs revolving in their place, wet and heavy. It doesn't even feel like a body anymore. It's a living cradle. It's a curse merged into my veins and flesh.
The head's right between my ribs, where that damned sternum bone was supposed to be, and the body...the body stole my ribs, my lungs, my heart and my soul. Cold blue hands that would twitchtwitchtwitch like a ticking clock waiting for death row. Doesn't have a mouth nor a nose, just two holes right in front of my collar bone like an over-sized insect bite: infected, hollowed then left as jagged holes. I could stare for hours into those holes and never blink. Can't lie face down or I'll kill it. Can't bump into things or it'll die. Can't hug a person or it'll choke. Can't even weep or it'll fucking drown. All I can do is beatbeatbeat my legs, beatbeatbeat my head, beatbeatbeat my arms while those fish eyes stare at me giggling as a rush of blood turns the blue purple and its soft breaths and little holes into miniature chimneys. Baby's enjoying the beat of your heart and the wasting of your soul, it's sucking you in. That's what I see in its eyes. Baby's a little evil.
I can't be normal because I'm just not normal. Would any of you want a baby in their chest instead of their arms? A baby that dictates your life? You can't even imagine that, can you?
Waking up with frozen little blue legs dangling on your sides, scaring the living shit out of you everyfuckingtime, should be enough to want to run away from this idea, from me, from the person who's making you see nightmares and lose your lunches. Look, you've already stopped looking at me right now, you're avoiding the second pair of eyes staring at you and you don't want to see my face; my pale sweaty face that's about to turn green with sickness.
Go on. Lust over the babyfaced girl with the baby in her arms, praise the boy with the crutches and steel bolts in his legs for trying to walk up after crashing into a six-year-old little girl and splattering her blond scalp all over the street signs; defend the woman with the broken neck who pushed her husband down the stairs just to go down with him; soothe the man with the lost fingers who got caught stealing your expensive meat grinder and your precious knifes.
Just look away from me, the girl with the extra soul. Wheezing away my days and nights, with the blue baby coddling me, warming me up with those blue blue limbs away from your eyes. The blue blue baby is all I need now.
Wheezing away my days and nights and coddling my chest.