Claustrophobic
05.
Later in the evening, Tom sent me a text. It was brief and I could hear how he would have said the words in my head – snapped. He really couldn’t be bothered to waste his breath on me.
only cam bk 2 get sumfin. dnt u dare tell mum i ws home. nd dnt go in my room agen, its nt urs n.e. mor. c u wen i c u. tra.
I tried pretending to be asleep when my mum called me for dinner; I really didn’t want to have to face the world outside of my room just yet – plus I wasn’t really hungry, so eating didn’t seem essential.
But my mother apparently wanted me downstairs, so she tiptoed into my room and shook my shoulder lightly. I was lying in my bed, cocooned in sheets, facing my blue walls. I was a pretty light sleeper most of the time, so I decided I didn’t need to take long for her gentle wake-up call to ‘wake’ me up.
“Bella, honey,” she spoke quietly. “Bella, dinner’s ready, and since it’s left-over takeaway I can’t reheat it again later.”
“Mm,” I grumbled. I was only half faking. I didn’t like Chinese takeaway that much, but it was one of Tom’s favourites.
“C’mon Bella, if you don’t get up now your sleeping patterns will be messed up all weekend,” she said, her voice taking on a hint of parental authority. I knew she was right, but it seemed unimportant at the moment.
I rolled out of bed, still wrapped up in my blankets, landing on the floor at my mother’s feet with a soft clunk noise. “Oh, Bella,” she smiled.
“Oh, yeah, Mum, what were you gonna call me if I had been born as a boy?”
“Oh, Bella, we don’t need to think about this just yet–”
“Yeah, Mum, we do.” I looked up at her from my floor. The light behind her hurt my eyes.
“Why don’t we talk about it over dinner?”
I didn’t want to talk about it over greasy egg fried rice. I frowned. “Please, Mum.”
“Well, I – you were going to be William. And if you’d both been girls, Tom would’ve Sophia. But you’d have been William.”
“Hm, I could be Bill.” I smiled at the thought. A name for the boy in me. “And Bill sounds like Bella.”
“I like Bill. I would’ve always ended up calling you Bill. Like your father wanted Tom to be Thomas, but I said there was no point.”
“I like Bill too.”
only cam bk 2 get sumfin. dnt u dare tell mum i ws home. nd dnt go in my room agen, its nt urs n.e. mor. c u wen i c u. tra.
I tried pretending to be asleep when my mum called me for dinner; I really didn’t want to have to face the world outside of my room just yet – plus I wasn’t really hungry, so eating didn’t seem essential.
But my mother apparently wanted me downstairs, so she tiptoed into my room and shook my shoulder lightly. I was lying in my bed, cocooned in sheets, facing my blue walls. I was a pretty light sleeper most of the time, so I decided I didn’t need to take long for her gentle wake-up call to ‘wake’ me up.
“Bella, honey,” she spoke quietly. “Bella, dinner’s ready, and since it’s left-over takeaway I can’t reheat it again later.”
“Mm,” I grumbled. I was only half faking. I didn’t like Chinese takeaway that much, but it was one of Tom’s favourites.
“C’mon Bella, if you don’t get up now your sleeping patterns will be messed up all weekend,” she said, her voice taking on a hint of parental authority. I knew she was right, but it seemed unimportant at the moment.
I rolled out of bed, still wrapped up in my blankets, landing on the floor at my mother’s feet with a soft clunk noise. “Oh, Bella,” she smiled.
“Oh, yeah, Mum, what were you gonna call me if I had been born as a boy?”
“Oh, Bella, we don’t need to think about this just yet–”
“Yeah, Mum, we do.” I looked up at her from my floor. The light behind her hurt my eyes.
“Why don’t we talk about it over dinner?”
I didn’t want to talk about it over greasy egg fried rice. I frowned. “Please, Mum.”
“Well, I – you were going to be William. And if you’d both been girls, Tom would’ve Sophia. But you’d have been William.”
“Hm, I could be Bill.” I smiled at the thought. A name for the boy in me. “And Bill sounds like Bella.”
“I like Bill. I would’ve always ended up calling you Bill. Like your father wanted Tom to be Thomas, but I said there was no point.”
“I like Bill too.”
♠ ♠ ♠
only cam bk 2 get sumfin. dnt u dare tell mum i ws home. nd dnt go in my room agen, its nt urs n.e. mor. c u wen i c u. tra.= Only came back to get something. Don't you dare tell mum I was home. And don't go in my room again, it's not yours anymore. See you when I see you. Bye.
Just incase my text speak was too un-understandable. (:
~
Sorry it's so late. I've had a hectic week.
I've been to a Jeffree Star gig, a Fall Out Boy gig, and I broke up with my boyfriend of two years.
But better late than never. (: