That's the Way Things Are

"AAAAAAA" and I heaved into the toilet again. I was currently sitting on the floor,next to the toilet. This had become a almost everyday thing for the past 3 weeks.

At first I wasn't worried, I thought it was food poisoning or a stomach flu that would go away after a few days, but no, here I was 3 weeks later still puking, not to mention I was late.

I flushed the toilet and stood up.

I looked in the mirror above the sink and I couldn't even stand looking at myself. I let out a little scream. I grabbed the mouth wash and rinsed my mouth and then spit in the sink. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth aggressively.

I spit in the sink and rinsed my toothbrush off. I grabbed the mouth wash again and rinsed for what seemed like half an hour.

I walked down the stairs to see John watching TV.

"I'm gonna go" I said as I grabbed my sweater out of the coat closet

"What were are you going?" he asked as he got up off the couch.

"To the store"

"Your actually leaving the house?"

"Yes"I said as I grabbed my car keys.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, besides you have band practice in like what 15 minutes?"

"Ah Fuck, that's right"

"See ya" I said as I walked out the door.

I drove to the pharmacy that was furthest from our house. I wanted to make sure John was gone before I got home.

I pulled into the pharmacy driving lot and parked. I took a deep breath and undid my seat belt. I got out of the car and walked in.

I looked at the isle headings and then headed to isle 3.

I walked down the isle nervous. Just buying the test scared me.

I stopped in front of the pregnancy tests and stared at the boxes. How was I supposed to know which one was the best and most sufficient?I had never done this before.

I just bought the first three that where right in front and walked fast to the checkout.

As soon as I was payed and sitting in my car, I took a deep breath. I looked to my right at the bag in the passenger seat that held my future.

I sat in the parking lot just thinking for roughly 10 minutes.

John was definitely gone, so I put my seat belt on and drove home.

~~

I held the bag loosely as I walked through the front door of the quiet house. John was gone and I had the house all to myself. Good.

I went up stairs to the bathroom and took out the first box with the test and read the instructions.

~
I was nervously awaiting the ding on the timer, that would indicate the test was ready.

As the ding went off, I slowly walked over to the sink area where the test was lying, and picked up the stick.
"No" I cried to myself as I looked at the little pink positive sign one last time and then dropped the test.

Maybe this test made a mistake.

After taking the other two pregnancy tests, I was lying on my bathroom floor crying.

3/3 stated I was pregnant.

How could I let this happen? No doubt it was Johns baby, I mean he was the last guy I had been with. But NO. I didn't want his baby, I didn't want to have a baby.

Maybe the tests were wrong. I just cried even louder.

There was no way they were wrong, all the signs were there.

I got up off the floor, grabbed the tests and put them back in the plastic bag, making sure I wasn't leaving anything behind. I wiped my eyes as I walked down the stairs.

I went outside to our trashcan and placed the bag underneath some of our other garbage.

I went back into the house still sobbing quietly.

I walked up the stairs holding the banister so I wouldn't lose my balance. I was an emotional wreck.

I sniffled as I climbed into my bed. I hid under the covers and cried. My crying was calmer then before so that was good.

~~

"Addison, you okay?" John asked as he shook me gently. I opened my eyes and looked at him and felt like I wanted to cry again but I didn't. I don't even think I have any tears left in me

"Yea, I just decided to take a nap" I said sitting up

"I have great news!" John said really excited

"What is it?" I asked. I was in no mood to be happy.

"We're going on tour again!" he said a huge smile spreading on his lips

"That's great John, I'm happy for you" I said faking excitement.

"I know its awesome, I love playing music for the fans" he said as I'm guessing he thought about tour.
"Have fun" I said mustering up a smile.

"What? Your coming"

"John, is it okay if I stay home from this one?" I asked softly.
"What?! No!" I closed my eyes tightly. I was in no mood for his yelling. For goodness sake I had a baby growing inside me!

"John please" I begged and I felt like I was going to cry again so I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter.

"Addison, open your eyes, what's wrong?" he asked worried as he knealed down at the side of the bed so he was face to face with me.

"John I-" how the fuck was I supposed to tell him I was pregnant?" I- don't feel good, and I don't want to go on tour because I rather sleep in my comfy bed and I don't want to ride in the van, I have been feeling dizzy lately"

"Addison look" John said taking my hands in his"The tours in 2 weeks, you don't think you'll feel better by then?"

"How long is it?" I asked quietly

"2 months"

"No, John, please I'm begging you Let me stay" and by now I was crying. I was like a waterfall, tears wouldn't stop coming.

"Oh my god, come here, are you sure nothings wrong?you could tell me you know" John said soothingly as he got on the bed with me and hugged me.

"Please let me stay" I whispered.

"If that's what you really want" he said softly.

"Thanks John"

"Are you sure nothings really wrong" he asked wiping a few tears.

"I'm just emotional" I said with a light laugh.

"Okay, do you need anything? And if you want me to stay home from this tour-" he started to say but I cut him off
"No! Absolutely not. I'm perfectly fine. Your going"

"Alright" John said and kissed my forhead gently.

Tour was no place for a pregnant teenager.