That's the Way Things Are

*****Addisons POV*****

After spending a week and a few days in the hospital, I was on my way home. That week in in the hospital was the worst week of my life. My parents, Johns parents, Josh, everyone I have ever known came to visit me.

They all just made me want to cry even more then I had been doing. I hadn't stopped crying for about 10 days straight, since the moment I lost my baby.

My parents thought it would be for the best if I went and stayed with them for a few days, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to go home with John, crawl in bed, and not get up. Ever.

Its the worst feeling for a soon to be mother. A miscarriage. Especially since I was so far along, just a month and I would have been holding my son.

I didn't even think about how much this was affecting John. All I knew was I killed my baby. It was all my fault, no matter what anyone said. I tripped over my own foot and fell. It was my fault. End of story. I didn't need to rush to get the phone like I did. I could have just called the doctor back if I missed the call. But no, I didn't think of that at the time. The last few days in the hospital got me thinking, about the whole situation, and the conclusion I finally ended up on was it was all completely my fault me and John were no longer having a son.

I felt John take my hand and lightly give it a squeeze as he drove and I leaned against the car window.

He didn't say anything and neither did I. There was nothing to say, the only thing that was bringing us closer disappeared. Was gone forever. What would happen with me and John now? Would we go back to the normal I hate yous?

I silently cried as I watched the houses pass.

A few minutes later we arrived at our house. John quickly got out and ran to my side. He opened the door slowly and helped me out. I gave him a weak smile. It was to hard to smile.

I started walking with John, and I guess I was walking really slow because John went and scooped me up. He carried me bridal style with ease to the front door. I didn't complain. I didn't say anything.
He walked up the stairs slowly as he still carried me. I hated this staircase.

He placed me gently on the bed and started to tuck me in. We still hadn't said one word to each other.

As soon as I was all tucked in and comfy in the warm bed John said "Do you want something to eat? Do you need anything?" very softly.

"I'm fine" I said so quietly I didn't even know if he heard me

"Addison, look, we are going to have to put this behind us and move on eventually"

"I know John, but I can't right now. He was my baby" I said quietly and softly

"He was my baby too, but we can't do anything to bring him back"

"John just please leave"

"Addison...Fine"

"No don't go, I don't want you to, please stay with me" I said as I was on the verge of tears yet again.

"Anything for you" he said softly and got in the bed next to me. I cuddled into him and sniffled a bit.

"Every things going to be fine, we'll get through this, I promise" he said soothingly as he rubbed circles on my back to relax me. And it worked. I felt calmer."Just go to sleep"

He kept whispering soothing words to me until I fell asleep.
~~~

I woke up to see John sleeping. He looked so peaceful.

I was glad our parents had me marry him though. He was amazing. I undid myself from his arms that were wrapped around me and slowly got off the bed making sure I didn't wake him.

I walked slowly to the closet and opened it.

I hadn't opened this closet since my first day in this house. This closet held my wedding dress. I turned on the little light in the closet and looked at the dress.

It really was a pretty dress. I examined the dress more closely and saw little beads in some of the designs. It was beautiful.

I felt the material of the dress and I wished so bad that I wasn't such a bitch about the wedding and just wanted to get it over with. I just threw on the dress and that's it. I didn't pick up my wedding dress everyday before the wedding like most girls did, I was being stubborn and refused to be happy. I wish I hadn't acted that way. I could have had such an amazing wedding. My dress was beautiful and I didn't even give it a second thought. I wish I could change the past.

"Addison, what are you doing?" I heard from behind me and I let the dress fall out of my hands and back into the closet.

"I'm sorry John" I said quietly and softly

"What? You have no reason to be. Can you please just come back to bed? I want you to stay in bed for the next week or so. Just to make sure every things fine"

"No John" I said shaking my head as a few tears fell "I'm sorry for being such a bad wife, I'm sorry for acting the way I did at our wedding, and I'm sorry I killed our baby"

"Addison"John said calmly and quietly"Come here" he said as he patted the bed.

I wiped my cheeks and walked over to the bed. I crawled onto the bed right into Johns arms.

He was leaned against the backboard of the bed as I sat in between his legs as he hugged me from behind.

"You haven't been a bad wife, you haven't been any worse then me in this marriage, and I'm sorry about the wedding too, I think we both were stubborn that day, and please I beg you, don't blame yourself for the baby. Don't blame yourself, if you really want to blame someone, just blame me. I'm sick of hearing you say you killed our baby, just stop okay?" he said as he tightened his arms even more around me.

I turned my head slightly so I could see his face "Thanks John"I whispered.

He just kissed my cheek softly.

That was the moment I decided I wanted this marriage to work more then anything. As John rocked us back and forth gently on the bed I realized maybe he was exactly what I needed to be happy.

Just maybe.