That's the Way Things Are

****Addison's POV****

"Ready to go?" John asked as I opened my parents front door coming face to face with him.

"My parents could have driven me home" I said as I held the door and he stood under the porch light.

"Well I was thinking if I didn't come and get you, you wouldn't leave on your own, and I'm pretty sure your mom would let you stay with her for a while to be close since you haven't been with her a lot lately and I know she misses you"

"I would have came home" I mumbled

"Yea eventually"

"John" I said in the warning voice

"let's just go home" he said with a sigh.

"I'm just going to say bye to my parents"

"Alright"

I went into the kitchen were my parents were and told them John was here and taking me home. I hugged them both and promised I would call more often.

"Okay let's go" I said walking back to see John standing in the same spot I had left him at.

He gave me a small smile and held his hand out to me.

I took his hand and walked out of the house, closing the door behind me.

John laced our fingers as we walked down the pathway to his car. We swung our hands back and forth as we walked to his car.

I smiled in the inside. I had been feeling completely different towards him since the baby thing. Maybe I was falling for my husband. But I wouldn't tell him that. That would be such an awkward conversation.

We got in his car and he started the ignition.

"How was practice?" I asked casually.

"The same as all the other ones, how was being with your parents?"

"Fun, but I mean they baby me to much, and they constantly tell me there sorry about the baby, and it just makes me want to cry. I mean I hate when people bring it up. It reminds me that I had a miscarriage and lost my baby boy, and I don't want to be reminded of it, it hurts"

"I'm sorry" John said putting his hand on top of mine that rested on my thigh.

"John, I just want to forget about it, you know? I mean I don't want anyones sympathy. But the thing that kills me the most inside is how I didn't want my baby, but when I lost him I wanted him more then anything. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my life's over."

"No its not, your life's just beginning"

"To much stuff has happened to me already, I've lived everything"

"Have you ever been in love?" he asked softly.

"No" I said and looked out the window. I wasn't going to tell John I might be in love with him. I didn't want to be in love. Love drives you crazy. What's going to happen to me when I love him more then I do now?

"Well then you haven't lived everything" he said as he took his hand away from mine and put it back on the steering wheel.
I didn't want him to move his hand. Oh god.

I didn't even say anything, I just kept looking out the window, what was I supposed to say to that?
~~

"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat anything?" John asked as we walked in our house.

"No, I think I'm going to sleep, I just want to lay down, come with me?"

"Ummm, I- sure" he said with a sigh.

Something seemed off. John was never this hesitant with me. Ever since the baby he never argued with what I wanted, just agreed right away.

"You don't have to" I whispered out.

"No Addison, I want to" he said with a smile and then gave me a hug.

"Wow"

"What?"I asked

"I miss feeling your stomach when I hug you"

"What?" I squeaked out

"I mean when you where far along your stomach would get in the way of our hugs a tad, and I miss it, but I'm so sorry for bringing it up, I promise I won't again"

"Its okay" I said looking down.

"Addison, I know its soon to talk about kids since we just lost one but-"

"No" I said cutting him off.

"I want kids" he said calmly

"I don't" I said through my teeth.

"Let's just go to bed" he said and I could tell he was trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

Back to the old days. Joy

~

"Addison, wake up"
I heard as John was shaking me lightly awake. I opened my eyes and realized I was crying

"What's wrong?" John asked as he pulled me and hugged me into him.

"I don't know John, I have no idea why I'm crying" I said extremely quiet.

"Maybe it was your dream. What did you dream about?"he asked soothingly as he held me

I started thinking. Then I remembered.

"I was at the hospital, you where there, standing next to my hospital bed, and we were really happy, and then a nurse walked in smiling holding a baby and handed it to me"I said and then realized why I was crying and I started crying again.

"Shh its okay, it was a dream"

"I don't want it to be a dream. Now I'm never going to want to sleep again. I just want to be happy for once in my life. I want to go a day when I don't cry and don't feel like crying. My life is fucked up" I said as I hid my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry" was all he said as he let me cry in his chest.

~~~~

"Hey Addy" Kennedy said as he gave me a hug.

"Hey Kenny" I said hugging him back

"How ya doing Adds?" Pat asked as he gave me a hug.

"I'm better, but do you guys mind if we don't talk about it?" I asked softly as I let go of Pat

"Sure"Jared said with a sincere smile.

"Are you guys hungry? I'm starving, John, let's order pizza"

"Alright" he said as he went into the kitchen to call.

"So how's the band? John doesn't really talk about the band much because he thinks ill make him do something for it and all he wants I guess is to take care of me, even though he's the one that says we need to get over you know what, but he still insists on treating me like a baby, when I think the band is way more important"

"Not to John" Jared said right away

"Look Addy, John just really wanted a kid"Garrett said with a shrug

"So how's the band?" I asked changing the subject.

"There's a tour coming up"Kennedy said and then Pat responded right after"Its going to be amazing, but I don't know if we are going"

"Yes you guys are, why wouldn't you go?"

"John"Jared said with a sigh

"Alright so the food will be here in about 45 minutes" John said walking into the living room.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me about the fucking tour?"I asked John with venom in my voice.

"Who the fuck told her?" he asked through his teeth. I saw Kennedy open his mouth to speak but I spoke before he could " it doesn't fucking matter, what matters is your keeping things from me you asshole"

"I know you won't want to go and I'm not leaving you again"

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself"

"Why do you always want to get rid of me? Do you honestly hate me that much? I mean I thought we were getting along, but I mean you always want to be away from me"

He said and everyone in the room was quiet. Johns predictions where so off it wasn't even funny. I didn't hate him, far far far from that, I didn't want him to leave me at all, I loved it when he held me, but his bands important

"That's not true at all, your bands just important and I see it"

"I'm not going anywhere without you, so either you come or I don't go"

"John I can't" I cried out

"Well then it looks like I'm staying here" he said plopping down on the couch.

"John please, just go for me"

"No I'm sick of doing everything 'for you' it gets us no where, just far apart from each other"

"You guys talk to him" I said looking at all the guys who stayed quiet.

"Addy, I don't know what to say that would make him go, its all you" Kennedy said softly giving me a light smile. I just stared at him, I couldn't tare my eyes away.

"Ugh" John roared and I looked away from Kennedy as John got up off the couch and started to walk out of the room.

"John stop" I said stepping in front of him

"Just come on this tour, for Kennedy then" he whispered so only I could hear.
I looked away. I didn't love Kennedy, I loved him. Simple as that. And him thinking I liked his friend made it worse.