Redemption

“Uhhhh hey bro,” Nick said as he kept flicking his eyes between me and Joe. I felt this bundle of nerves in my stomach begin doing flips; I rarely ever get this nervous.

“Hey,” Joe said as he stuck his hands into his tight jean pockets.

There we stood for a few minutes, no one acknowledging the elephant that so clearly stood next to us. I felt like screaming and just letting the whole world know what was going on. I looked at Nick and found him staring at me, so I averted my eyes to Joe. There he stood, staring at his younger brother, but when I looked down at his hands I realized why he was so nervous.

He had taken them out of his pockets and was now playing with his purity ring and I knew that that would be the biggest disappointment. I looked once again and Nick and saw that his eyes were fixated on his brother’s purity ring. Then he looked up at me and gave me this look as if he knew, as if he mentally figured it out, then he looked at Joe and Joe’s head fell in a shameful way.

“Joe!” a young voice shouted and rushed past Nick and punched Joe in the stomach.

“Hey Frankie,” Joe said as he hugged this little boy, but kept both eyes on Nick.

“Meagan is it?” Nick asked, still looking at Joe, but I knew he was addressing me.

“Mallory,” I said softly, quietly, nervously.

“This is our little brother Frankie, you didn’t meet him at church that day,” Nick said and then looked at me as if trying to let me know that he thought I was satanic.

“Frankie why don’t you go inside, I’ll be right in,” Joe said and Frankie just looked at me and then ran off.

“Nick can I talk to you?” Joe asked as he continued playing with his purity ring.

“Nah Joe, why don’t we have a family meeting,” Nick said with a sort of smirk on his face and I gulped.

“Mom! Dad! Joe’s here! And he brought a guest!” Nick yelled and all Joe could do was glare at his younger brother.

“After you,” Joe said as he placed a hand on my back and led me into the house.

The house was exquisite, so amazing that I felt like I wouldn’t even be worthy to clean it, let alone be standing in it. It looked like a home, not a house, which would seem like such a hard thing to make such a large house into, but it was a home. It was lived in and obvious that it was mainly lived in by boys.

“Who’s she?” Kevin asked as he walked out from the living room and stood in front of Nick, Joe, and I.

“Mallory,” Nick said with an edge in his voice and realization hit Kevin.

“From church right?” he said and gave me a warm, welcoming smile, Lord knows that that smile would wear off once he heard that me and his brother fucked.

I couldn’t form any words as I shook his hand, but simply nodded my head ‘yes’, then his parents descended the stairs and I felt like dying. Seeing how innocent and pure this family is and here I was-the stain on their purity.

“Hey honey,” his mom, Denise, said as she came and gave Joe a hug. “And, well I remember you dear!” she said with a smile and gave me a hug as well; it felt as if my skin burned from her loving touch.

“What was your name again?” his father, Paul, asked and I still couldn’t from words.

“Mallory,” Kevin said when he noticed that no one was answering the question.

I nodded and then looked at Joe, he wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone and soon the room became eerily silent. We could all hear Frankie running around upstairs and the TV from the living room. Denise kept staring at her son and she knew something was wrong and the way her eyebrows would furrow and then un-furrow made me believe that she was going through the list of possible explanations for why her son looked so upset and nervous.

“I need to talk to you guys,” Joe said softly and everyone knew that it wasn’t like Joe to be this quiet. I had learned that Joe had a loud spirit, a funny and caring one and now here he was-vulnerable. I seemed to have that affect on him; I made him vulnerable just like he made me vulnerable.

“About what?” Denise asked, worry laced in her voice and then her eyes flashed to me.

“Let’s go in the living room,” Joe said and began walking towards the living room, leaving me there by the door. I walked behind the family and felt like running, would they even notice if I did? Joe would and that would be enough to kill me even more.

No one wanted to sit down until Paul suggested, or more of instructed it. The whole time, as shallow as it may seem, I just marveled at the size of this living room and of the whole house. I kept looking everywhere, taking it all in. Maybe I just wanted to try to block out what was coming, but an electric touch to my arm brought me back.

“Wanna sit down?” Kevin asked me as he placed his hand on my arm.

“She’ll sit next to me,” Joe said as placed his hand on my other arm and began leading me towards the empty love seat. We sat down next to each other and I felt like I was sitting in a throne because of the quality of this love seat, but then I remembered that I was sitting in on my own sentencing.

“Okay Joe, we’re all ears,” Nick said as he sat in the recliner, elbows on knees and hands clasped.

Joe let out a long exhale and put his head in between his knees. I felt like comforting him but I couldn’t, I was too nervous and too scared to be of any use. The family just watched and I tried to mind communicate with Joe. I tried telling him to only tell the vital information, not to tell the whole story, but I knew it was useless. He was going to tell them everything, because he needed to, he felt like he had this baggage and he needed to unload right now.

“I had sex,” he mumbled and apparently only I caught it since I was sitting so close to him.

“What?” Paul asked, leaning in closer.

“I had sex,” he said a little louder but it still didn’t reach the ears of everyone, but it reached my ears and his father’s ears.

“Say that louder son,” Paul said with some anger in his voice.

“I had sex,” Joe nearly yelled and eyes didn’t go to him, but to me. I felt like crying and I felt the tension grow to such a severe level that I could faint.

“You what!?” Kevin yelled as he gawked at his brother and me.

“Before I get yelled at,” Joe began and took his purity ring off and leaned over and set it on the coffee table “Give me a chance to explain.”

“You better explain Joseph! You made a vow to not only yourself but to God and you broke that vow!” his father yelled as he gripped onto the couch cushion.

“For my twentieth birthday my friends took me to a strip club, and it wasn’t my idea, I didn’t even want to be there but they bought me a lap dance and well Mallory is a stripper and she gave me that lap dance,” Joe said and paused to look around the room at everyone’s reactions.

“You gave my baby a lap dance?” Denise asked as tears welled up in her eyes and I just dropped my head, it felt like a nightmare and we weren’t even to the good part of the story yet.

“You’re a stripper?” Nick asked venom in his voice and a glare in his eyes.

“What’s a stripper?” the little Frankie asked as he stood behind the couch, hiding the whole time.

“Frankie go upstairs,” Kevin said as he looked at me.

“What’s a stripper?” Frankie asked again.

“Go upstairs!” Paul yelled at his son and sent Frankie quickly running up the stairs. “Continue,” Mr. Jonas said and Joe gulped before going on.

“When we were leaving, me and my friends, I saw Mallory walk out of the club, looking a mess. I asked if she was okay and we got into an argument and after that night I never planned on seeing her again. I thought of her as just a stripper, but then she showed up at church. I couldn’t just not talk to her! I mean me and her both knew what had happened so I went back to the strip club to talk to her. We talked and well we went back to a hotel and had sex,” Joe said and his mom was fully crying now and I felt like a slut.

“Just once?” Paul asked as his anger rose.

“No,” Joe said softly and began tapping his fingers nervously on his knees.

“How many times?” Paul asked and I knew that no one really wanted to know but it was information that would show how badly their son had fucked up.

“More times than I can count,” Joe said as his head was dropped and I thought I saw a faint smile. I knew that that dog enjoyed it, but that is beside the point.

“Is there more?” Kevin asked as he moved to sit next to his mom and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Yes. So after that night Mallory and I began seeing but not really seeing each other. And to answer your next question-yes, that does mean that this has been going on for a while, at least two months, maybe three. I couldn’t tell you guys because I knew how much it would hurt and to be honest-I never planned on telling you. But then Mallory ran away in a sense and well she went back to her family which is really screwed up and long story short her father raped her and she tried to kill herself.”

Wow, Joe just made me out to see completely messed up. Some of the anger went away in the eyes of the people that were listening to this tale and some sorrow and pity came. They just looked at me, as if expecting me to break out in tears and complain about my daddy issues. Yes I could cry now, I would later, but I held strong and just avoided eye contact and sat there.

“I got a call from the ambulance; I was the only one close to her that actually cared so I went to the hospital to see her. She had to be put on suicide watch, which meant someone had to watch her all the time until her psychiatrist says that she can be alone again. So now I have to watch her and I knew I had to tell you, I can’t hide it anymore, and I am so sorry. I’m sorry I had sex, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys and lied but I don’t regret any of it, I can’t live with regret and I care about Mallory and I want you guys to care about her too,” Joe said and he took my hand in his and laced our fingers.

I stared at our entwined hands and felt this strange euphoria. I was still nervous as hell and wanted to cry and scream and just die, but I didn’t feel alone. Joe was there and he wasn’t just feeding me to the wolves, he was going to protect me and no matter what his family said he would be here.

“Apology not accepted,” Paul said and stood up, grabbed the purity ring from the coffee table and left. He left the house and we all heard the car start up and drive off. He was beyond pissed and disappointed and as Joe’s grip on my hand tightened I knew that it killed him on the inside.

“Kevin?” Joe asked but all he got was a look of utter disappointment and disgust.

Joe then looked at Nick, and saw Nick glaring at me.

“It’s not her fault,” Joe said protectively.

“Yes it is! You wouldn’t have had sex or have done any of this if it wasn’t for this stripper!” Nick yelled and I saw tears pool in his eyes. I could tell that he loved his brother; Joe had once told me that him and Nick were the closest and now I knew that it hurt Nick deeply to find this all out.

“She has a name,” Joe said and his grip tightened on my hand so much that it began hurting, but I barely noticed, I was too busy watching this all unfold and praying that I would wake up and this wouldn’t really be happening.

“Not to me and neither do you!” Nick said and I saw a tear slide down his face and he stormed up the stairs we heard a door slam.

“See what you do?” Kevin asked as he continued counseling their mother who was still sobbing.

“I just can’t believe it,” Denise said through sobs and her aching, heart broken voice, caused a tear to come from Joe’s eyes. He let go of my hand and went and sat next to her and hugged her, and she hugged him back.

There I sat, watching as Joe and his mom cried and held onto each other and then I realized that I was crying myself. Kevin stood up and came and stood in front of me.

“You ruined our family, I hope you know that. Nothing will be the same now, never will it go back to the way it is suppose to be and it is your fault. I hope you are ashamed of yourself and that you always will be,” Kevin spat and I tried to remember that warm smile he gave me earlier. I let out a small sob and Kevin looked satisfied and went upstairs in a rage.

“We’ll go now,” Joe said as he stood up and wiped tears from his eyes.

“I forgive you baby,” his mom said softly as she kept sobbing. “And I care about you Mallory.”

I nodded as I cried and then I stood up and followed Joe out of the house. The happy home feeling seemed to be fading from the home as we left and neither of us said a word. On the car ride home I heard Joe’s cries as tears silently fell down my face. We didn’t saw a word even once we got back to his apartment; we just went to our rooms and stayed there. None of it seemed real; it was as if we hadn’t even told them. Their reaction was something that I expected but felt much worse.

They would calm down though; eventually they would have to accept what Joe had done. I sat numb in my room, watching late night television and then it hit me and I began sobbing. It didn’t feel unreal anymore; I realized that we had just told Joe’s family and that there was a whole new set of people that hated me. They I thought of how badly Joe felt about this.

I turned the TV off and went out of my room in my pajamas and without even knocking went into Joe’s room. I heard him crying in the dark and then I heard the bed shift as he stood up and tried to calm himself down, try to be manly and not show emotion.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered and no more words were needed. I went and lay down next to him and his arms wrapped around my waist as he cried and held me tightly.

I let a few tears slip down my face but I knew that the pain I felt was nothing like Joe’s. I felt pain because Joe felt pain, because I saw the agony and I knew that I had screwed up a whole family. Joe felt horrible because the majority of his family thought he was a disappointment, a disgrace, and didn’t want him in the family any more.

Joe fell asleep before I did, but I drifted away into sleep shortly after. And there we slept, curled up together in a beautiful mess of tears and turmoil.