Redemption

I tried to smooth down my messy hair and wipe the smeared mascara from under my eyes. My shirt was torn and wasn’t covering my body very well. My shaky hands slid my jacket on as I made the walk of shame. The lights were going off as I walked past the bar area, no bartender in sight. I heard Charlie say something to Tamera and then I heard the back office door close. I let out a small sob as I went back to trying to fix my hair. I could feel some more bruises forming on my upper thighs; Charlie had always been too rough. Right as moans could be heard from the back office; I opened the door to the club and went outside into the night air. I thought no one was around until I heard some people talking.

“Like you didn’t like it!”

“It was-okay, and well new.”

Then there was laughter and my heart sped up. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, like this sex toy. I hurried toward my car, but unfortunately is was parked on the far end of the parking lot.

“Dude look,” one of the men said and pointed at me.

They all looked and I began to silently cry. Their eyes stayed on me, but I ignored them. For all the shit I had to endure tonight I didn’t feel the need to be a circus freak show to some pigs outside a strip club.

I heard someone walking towards me, so I sped up. I tried not to be frightened, but all the thoughts of what could happen to me started dancing around in my head. I had known bad, I had known hell, and I had always thought it couldn’t get any worse. I had been raped, been drugged up, been drunk, been abused, so I shouldn’t be afraid anymore-but I am.

“Hey!” he called and I heard his footsteps speed up. I didn’t acknowledge his call and I heard some of his friends calling him back, expressing how he should stop chasing ‘the whore’ and then erupting in laughter. He ignored their calls as well.

“You okay?” he called again.

“Leave me alone,” I hissed, but his footsteps sped up even more. His warm hand gently grabbed my arm. I swung around and slapped his face, leaving a red mark on his left cheek. I quickly took in his features; he was handsome-no doubt. Dark brown hair and dark brown eyes that complimented his tan skin, but he was still a pig and that made me instantly hate him. He was stunned for the minute that I took him in, but then he became angry.

“What the hell!? I was just going to ask if you were okay!?” he yelled in my face.

“Fuck off,” I spat and spun around and walked away.

“What’s your problem?” he yelled, following me.

I wanted to yell ‘you’ but that would be starting a fight, and right now I didn’t want to deal with him.

“Are you listening to me?” he asked, the intensity in his voice starting to rise.

“No,” I mumbled, but he heard me.

“Hey,” he said and ran in front of me, blocking my path. “I just thought you needed help, okay? You look hurt,” he said softly.

“Why do you care?” I asked harshly, and he took a minute to think.

“Cause you look like you’ve just been raped or something,” he said and I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be funny or serious. I tried to get past him but he wouldn’t move.

“Let’s try this again,” he said and stuck out his hand “I’m Joe.”

“Go fuck yourself Joe,” I said, curling my hands into fists.

“Nice to meet you too,” he smirked. I glared at him and then realized something; he was the one I gave the lap dance to.

“So having me grind on you wasn’t enough? You now have to come badger me hoping for what? Sex? Sorry but that’s not gonna happen,” I said and he looked utterly confused until he recognized me.

“Sorry, that’s not what I was after at all, I just...wow this is embarrassing,” he said softly as he averted his eye away from me. I let out a laugh and he looked startled.

“So now that I’m the whore who gave you a lap dance can I go on my way or are you still gonna pretend to care?”

He didn’t respond so I walked away, but soon he called out again to me.

“Just one thing!” and I turned to look at him. “What’s your name?”

I questioned giving him some fake name, like Candy or some name that is normally related with a stripper name. But I was already going to hell for all of this so why add lying to my list.

“Mallory Caraco.”

“Nice to meet you Ms. Caraco,” he said softly, but just loud enough for me to hear him and snarl at him.

I walked away quickly, towards my little blue car. The sound of the ignition starting was music to my ears. I turned the stereo on as loud as it would go and drove home listening to the soothing sounds of Jason Mraz.

When I got to my apartment I immediately took a shower. My dog began barking as he heard the water running. Apparently he hadn’t heard me come in so now he was excited. I stuck my head out of the shower and splashed some water in my dog’s face. This apartment complex allowed pets, but didn’t like them very much-especially my dog. Charger is a pit-bull mutt, I got him at the pound because I wanted a dog that would protect me. Although he is a pit-bull he is a sweet heart, to me at least, and wouldn’t hurt a soul unless they tried to hurt me. The down side is that he is an overly excited loud mouth who can drive the people next to me insane.

Charger shook his black fur, being a baby about the little bit of water he got on him. He lay down on the bathroom floor, quietly waiting for me to be done. I took my time though, making sure to thoroughly clean my body of the night’s events. My blood was still slightly boiling because of that Joe guy. I couldn’t tell if he really cared or just wanted to get laid, but either way it bugged me.

“Hey baby,” I said as I got out of the shower, the towel wrapped around my body, and scratched Charger’s head.

I walked into my bedroom and took the towel off. I looked in the mirror and saw a few bruises, but nothing I couldn’t use cover up on. I noticed all my curves, and how good I actually did look naked-but this disgusted me. It was horrible to know that so many people had seen this body. I turned away from the mirror and got dressed in some sweat pants and a t-shirt. People think that just cause you are a stripper that you always wear sexy stuff, but I don’t normally go walking around in a bra and short shorts.

I wanted to go to sleep right away but I knew there was something I had to do. I looked at the clock to see it was midnight, it was now August 16th and I had someone to call. My hand picked up the phone and dialed the phone number, calling back to San Diego was never very easy, but it was something I did every year.

“Hello?”

She sounded the same. Tired, high, drunk, like maybe she had gone back to prostitution for a while to pay some bills. The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree I suppose. Although most people wouldn’t call someone at midnight, I knew she would be up. She would only sleep during the day because she liked to get high at night.

“Happy birthday Mom,” I said, my voice monotone but begging to crack.

“Who is this?” she asked.

“Mallory.”

It took her a minute, I knew she was trying to use those dead brain cells of hers but it wasn’t working too well. Then it was as if I could hear her smile.

“Mallory! My baby, thank you for calling! I had almost forgotten it was my birthday!” she said, her voice getting scratchier as she raised her voice, smoking does that to your vocal chords.

“Ya mom, I just got home and I always want to be the first one to tell you happy birthday,” I explained, knowing that she hadn’t remembered this tradition, she could barely remember anything.

“Good for you, so how are you? Income good?” she asked and I knew where this was going.

“Everything is good, still making a good amount of money so I am good,” I replied and then it came.

“That’s great sweetie, and well your mom is in a bit of a jam. Baby please I just need a few hundred dollars, you see your dad left and I don’t have anyone so please baby I’m your mom and I need you. I love you.”

It broke my heart because she didn’t love me. She wanted my money to pay for her drugs. I was being a stripper to just make it in the world and be clean, and she wanted to do her drugs and drink all because dad left, again.

“I’m sorry mom but I don’t have that kind of cash to spare,” I said, my voice starting to waver.

“Yes you do, yes you do baby please I know you do,” she pleaded.

“No mom, I don’t.”

“Anything I just need something! Mallory, baby, my little princess do you know what your mommy has to do to get some money?” she asked and I wanted to start crying at how desperate she sounded. “Mommy has to sell her body baby, please mommy doesn’t like doing that, but she needs her medicine baby please just send me some money, if you love me baby like I love you.”

“I gotta go. Happy birthday,” I said and hung up the phone.

This always happened and it always hurt, but I kept calling. She would always be low on money and would beg me, saying how she loved me, trying to make me feel guilty-and it worked. But I knew she didn’t love me, she never even paid attention to me when I was growing up. We had our mother daughter times when she would go off of drugs for a few months and things would be almost normal. But then Dad would come back and get her hooked again and he would start beating me again and things would turn bad. My mom was destined to remain a druggie, but I wouldn’t help her with that.

“Let’s go to bed Charger,” I whispered as I blinked back the tears.

When I fell asleep, Charger next to me, things seemed better already. In my dreams I could be anything. The only thing was that I was never such a disgusting person in my dreams, but when I woke up it would all fade away and I knew who I was-my mother’s daughter.