Redemption

I woke up with dried tears on my cheeks. I didn’t even remember crying, but I suppose my vulnerable side just exposes itself at night. I also noticed the wet stains on my pillow, so I was probably more of sobbing than just crying. Charger saw me awake and licked my face, sympathetically almost. Even my dog felt bad for me, which was a sign that my life was shit.

This wasn’t going to be a good day; I could already see that and didn’t make any attempt to fix it. Instead I got insanely pissed off at everything, like when the shower got cold on me, I cursed at it. When the toaster burnt my toast, I threw it across the kitchen. I was in no mood for anything today, if anything I just wanted to sit in the corner of my room and daze off into space. I didn’t want to interact with people, hell I barely wanted to interact with myself.

The only up side I could find was the fact that today I wasn’t stripping. It made me feel free and on these days I would imagine that it was my day off from some high end job. That I took a day of leave so I could go drink coffee with friends and watch movies with my dog curled up next to me as I ate ice cream. I tried to imagine a perfect life, but in the end I watched Jerry Springer in the morning, then would go to the gym and work out, then come home and watch some crappy TNT movie.

Ya, my life was no Hollywood celebrity type stuff. It was the life of a stripper, which sucks balls. The morning was the same as any other morning, I watched Jerry Springer until I went to the gym.

They gym I went to was one of those low end gyms. Rough people went there, poor people, good, nice, moral people; so many different people that I felt as if my problems were miniscule to some of theirs, or I felt like I was Satan compared to some of them. The gym was always facing closing down due to money problems and the employees could barely ever cash their checks the day they received them. I was lucky enough to have a pretty stable income, especially with the economy the way it was. And there it was-me trying to see the positive, trying being the main word.

“Nice day outside today huh?” a woman who looked to be in her fifties asked me as she walked on the treadmill next to me.

“Sure,” I replied as I put my stuff down and stepped onto the treadmill and set it to a brisk jog. Running was a sort of stress reliever for me; let me focus on my speedy heart rate and fast breathing instead of everything else that was normally on my mind.

“I take it you don’t actually like the weather today,” she said, not even looking at me. I glanced out a nearby window to see the wind blowing and realizing that, no, I wasn’t a fan of the wind thus I didn’t really like the weather. I didn’t reply to the woman though and just kept jogging.

She stayed silent for a few minutes until she said “I was right wasn’t I?”

“About what?” I asked, pretty rudely, considering I was in a bad mood today.

“You don’t like the weather today.”

“What the fuck does the weather have to do with the fuckin price of rice in china,” I mumbled, but out of the corner of my eye I saw her smirk.

I let out a low growl, something I did when I started to get really pissed off but couldn’t do anything about it. I think I learned this trick in elementary school when this girl was trying to steal my Barbie water bottle and I growled at her and sent her running away.

“No need to growl like a dog.”

“What’s your problem!?” I said as I pulled the emergency stop on the treadmill and turned to look at her.

She kept walking and glanced over at me, smiling a bit.

“I don’t have the problem dear, looks like you do.”

“No I don’t and I would really appreciate it if you would stop harassing me,” I spat at her, anger seeping in my voice.

“Take a step back and look who is harassing who,” she said as she actually looked at me this time.

I shut up and turned my head away from her, I hated being wrong.

“Exactly.”

“Whatever,” I said as I turned the treadmill back on.

“You should go to church sometime,” she said and this baffled me.

“Do you have tourettes?” I asked bluntly.

“Let’s not make fun of a syndrome now, but I was simply wondering,” she said.

“How do you know I don’t go to church?” I asked cockily, even though I had never been to church in my life, this woman wouldn’t know.

“Cause you are a stripper dear so I highly doubt it,” she said, a smug look appearing on her face as I felt all the color leave mine.

“How do you know that?” I demanded.

“I work at Susie’s Bar and Grill right across the street from you little strip club. I see you there all the time, and well I am a leader at my church so I thought I should invite you,” she said with a smile that made me sick.

“I don’t think a church full of psycho stalkers will be very nice,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m not a stalker, just a messenger.”

“Of who? Fucking God?” I asked with a slight laugh. This lady was crazy; she seriously thought she was some messenger from the almighty! Ha! Even if there was an almighty I doubt He would let some psycho bitch be his messenger.

“Yes, and I would appreciate if you didn’t use the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Sorry just tend to say damn God, or shit God, or bitch God! Horrible habit,” I said with a smirk, and yes, I felt like a bitch, but I felt like I had a right to be. That is a horrible thing to say because that’s like saying ‘well if someone lost their legs do they have the right to be mean to the world?’ and my answer is-yes. Now that doesn’t mean they have to be, they can choose to overcome it, but if they don’t then they have a right to be mad at the world. I have a right to be mad at the world, and especially at God because what has He really done for me.

“I get it, you’re angry, but here,” she said and stopped the treadmill and pulled a flyer out of her gym bag “Just think about it.”

I took the flyer and looked down at it. New Covenant Christian Church. They had services every day at four and then on Saturday and Sunday mornings at nine and ten. It was some Baptist or Evangelical Christian church, but I could care less honestly. I wasn’t about to accept an offer to go to church from a lady who works at some Bar and Grill that is some sort of stalker.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said and shoved the flyer back onto her hands.

“Keep it,” she said in a soft yet forceful voice, and she gave it back to me and walked away. I let out a long exhale and stuffed the flyer in my gym bag and went back to jogging on the beat down treadmill.

My gym experience wasn’t that great since I couldn’t get my mind off of the woman who gave me the flyer. To think she wanted me to go to church. Oh yes, because people there would be so accepting! The minute they find out where I work I would be scrutinized, it’s as if I just can’t win.

As I was driving home I saw a huge billboard and it read oh so cleverly-New Covenant Christian Church. It had the same design and everything as the flyer and at that moment I knew the true reason I was handed the flyer. It wasn’t some act of destiny or true kindness, it was a woman who wanted her church to gain more members, and well I seemed like a desperate case so why not invite me. So far my day was going quite horribly, but things got worse when I got home and realized that I was out of dog food and Charger was very ready for dinner.

I drove to Pet-Co when I would have rather been home. The store was pretty empty when I arrived, which wasn’t surprising considering most people would be at home on this Sunday night, instead of at a pet store.

I grabbed a kart and went towards the dog food, which was so conveniently in the very back of the store. My feet dragged and I knew I must have looked like shit, which was probably just how I always looked. I found the largest bag they had, knowing that I wanted it to last for eternity so I wouldn’t have to come back.

A groan escaped my lips as I tried to lift the extremely heavy bag. I almost had it in when it slipped and it felt as if I were falling backwards. I let out a small scream when my balance was suddenly restored. I saw hands gripping the dog food on the opposite side of me and I heard someone say something like ‘be careful’.

I peeked my head around the food to see some teenager with a head full of curly hair.

“Let me help you,” he said and helped me put the dog food in the kart.

“Thanks,” I said not very convincingly. To be honest I probably could have handled it myself without this random person showing up.

“Are you going to need help to your car?” he asked as I began to take my kart and walk away.

“Probably not,” I said.

“It will be no problem, just let me help you,” he said sweetly, but I was in no mood for sweet.

“Look, I got it, ok so just thanks but no thanks,” I said as I stopped walking and turned to look at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and then let out a small chuckle.

“Some people in this world are just too angry and stubborn,” he said and didn’t even try to conceal the fact that he was talking about me.

I rolled my eyes and went on my way. I paid the hefty price of twenty five dollars for the food and spent about ten minutes trying to get the food into the back of my car, but when it was in I felt accomplished and wished that that guy was here to see it, so that way I could give him the finger and show him that I didn’t need his help.

I drove home and fed Charger and then I watched my crappy TNT movie. I can’t remember the name of it because I fell asleep not even half way through it. Chargers was lying next to me as I dreamt of a huge building, surrounded by clouds and light and people all singing glorious songs, and then there was this huge gate, and me outside of it, looking at the beautiful scene through flames.