Redemption

It had been two weeks since I had the incident with the lady at the gym, yet every time I saw that church billboard it made my stomach feel uneasy. Then every time I saw Susie’s Bar and Grill I could swear I saw that lady from the gym just staring at me. I was being paranoid, which in turn seemed to either make me sad or really angry. I had been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past two weeks. Things had been good but then talking to my mom turned everything horrible again. I was getting over it and vowing myself to never call my mom again but I knew that next August 16th I would call her and feel this way again.

“Are you okay?”

“Ya,” my reply to Lacy was curt, I had just finished my last dance for the night and was trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

“No need to be a bitch,” she said as she walked in front of me, forcing me to look into her dead eyes.

“I’m not being a bitch,” I said as I snatched the cigarette out of her mouth and put it in mine. I hated smoking but as the nicotine ran through my veins now, it felt good. I closed my eyes and blew out a puff of smoke and put the cigarette back in Lacy’s mouth.

“Someone is ditching the goody too-shoes act today,” Lacy laughed, smoke coming out of her mouth.

“It’s not an act,” I whispered as I watched some blonde girl dance around on the stage and I watched the audience respond.

“There is no such thing as a good stripper,” Lacy said as she whistled at the blonde girl, a grin spread on her face.

“Then maybe I wasn’t meant to be a stripper.”

“Oh whatever! What are you going to be huh?” Lacy asked as I began to walk away and didn’t answer her question. “A lawyer? Doctor? Some fancy shit like that? The minute they see ‘stripper’ as one of your careers you are gonna be out on the street applying for a job at McDonalds,” Lacy laughed, but I could feel fresh tears stinging my eyes.

“You’re wrong,” I said softly.

“Sometimes Mallory, you confuse me. You act like you didn’t choose this life, but you did so don’t think you are any better than any of us here,” Lacy said, walking off to go do whatever it was she does.

I fought back the tears and tried to change quickly, but my shaking body made it hard for me to accomplish my goal. I had tried to take tonight off but Charlie demanded that I work another day this week, and it was either today when he would not be here or tomorrow when he would be here. I choose tonight.

Once I had finally changed I walked out to the sitting area, smoke filled the area tonight and I noticed a group of guys and a man wearing a paper hat that read ‘Birthday Boy’. He looked to be turning about fifty but neither him nor his buddies cared, they would make a fool of themselves tonight and act like immature teenagers. The group of guys made me remember that one guy a few weeks ago, his dark brown hair and sincere brown eyes. Joe. That was his name. I hadn’t thought about him since that night, due to all of my stress, but now I remembered him. It was funny that I suddenly remembered him, I normally didn’t remember people I grinded on very easily but it was something about him that stuck in my mind.

“You did good tonight,” Steven said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said as I walked behind the bar to grab my purse. The safest place to leave your stuff was with Steven, but it was still never smart to leave anything too valuable in your purse.

“You’re good at what you do so don’t think I am just saying it,” he said with a smile. Truth was Steven was just a horn dog, like any other guy that worked at a strip club. He liked me and Lacy the best. He actually preferred Lacy, but on certain nights, when I suppose I did something quite erotic on stage he would flatter me and make sly passes at me.

“Lucky me, I am good at being a stripper,” I said sarcastically and Steven just began cracking up.

“So you gonna stay for a while?” he asked and I shook my head no.

“Oh well too bad,” he said, sliding his arm around my waist.

“I know, but I have to go,” I said as I took his arm off of my waist.

I walked out from behind the bar, looking down, putting a piece of my hair behind my ear. When I looked up I saw someone very familiar. It struck me like a ton of bricks to see them in here. They saw me and a smile spread across their face. I gulped and walked up to them feeling like bricks were tied to my legs.

“Mom,” my voice was hoarse as it came out of my mouth.

Her arms embraced me in a tight hug and I smelt drugs in her hair mixed with the scent of her shampoo.

“My baby!” she almost yelled as she let go of me and held me out at arms length to get a good look at me. In all actuality it was me who was trying to get a good look of her.

Sara Caraco’s, my mom’s, hair use to be a dark shade of brown, looking so close to mine but now it was thin, wispy, and a tacky shade of blonde. Her skin was so pale that the dark circles around her eyes stood out to the point that it looked as if it were her eye makeup instead of those sleepless nights that formed those circles. Her teeth were yellow and when she smiled I could see a missing tooth on her bottom row of teeth. Her clothes were nice though, dark denim jeans that fit her small frame nice and snug and a red tank top with black fake leather jacket on over it. She wore black boots and her nails had chipped pink nail polish on them.

“You look so different,” I whispered, more to myself than to her.

“You like!?” she asked after clearing her throat, her voice still so scratchy and sounding like she had been smoking for a hundred years. She held up a strand of her hair and I nodded yes, not sure of what else to do.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, feeling tears coming to my eyes.

“I came to see you silly,” she said, smoothing my hair down with the palm of her hand and I caught a glimpse of some healing scars and bruises on her wrists.

“How did you find me?”

“Daddy helped me.”

I internally began to shake. ‘Daddy’, ya that asshole of a man that use to beat me. I suddenly felt like a five year old little girl hiding in the closet from her dad instead of a nineteen year old girl standing in her workplace.

“Is he here?” I asked, my voice giving away how scared I was but my dearest mother could care less.

“Oh no babe, he had to stay home and hold down the fort while I came to visit my precious,” she said as she pinched one of my cheeks. She then pulled a box of cigarettes out of her purse and lit one up, blowing a puff of smoke right in my face.

“Why are you here?” I asked and got this look from her that made me want to throw up.

“Is that a way to greet your mother!? What an ungrateful girl you have turned into!” she spat at me and I lowered my head in shame.

“I’m sorry,” I lied.

“That’s okay baby,” she said a smile coming to her face as she wrapped me up in her arms “I just expected a warmer welcome, that’s all.”

“I am happy to see you,” I felt so sick for lying but I couldn’t tell her the truth “I just was wondering what brought you from New York all the way to California,” I said, hoping that she was still living in New York and I wasn’t completely off on her place of living.

I grew up on Los Angeles, California, where I am now, but after I moved out my mom and dad were forced to sell the house because of how broke they were. They moved, never told me about it until I got a call from my mom asking for money, and now I wish she had never called me that once and that I never knew where she was.

“Well baby, I asked you yesterday on the phone about my money situation,” she said, still holding me and I was tempted to remind her that it was weeks ago, not yesterday. “And well baby, mommy is in a bind so I came to get that money from you,” she said as she released me and flashed me a smile.

“Mom, I don’t have any money to spare,” I said, moving away from her. She simply laughed.

“Of course you do! But I am staying in the Motel 8 not too far from here, room 125 so you can come hang out with your mom and give it to me tomorrow.”

“How do you have money for a motel but not for whatever you need it for?” I questioned.

“Now that is for me to know,” she said as she lightly tapped my nose “And you to never find out.”

“Okay, well ummm I will stop by tomorrow,” I said softly, walking towards the exit.

“Great, just come by after noon okay baby doll,” she said as we left the building together.

“Ready?”

I looked over to see a rugged looking man with tangled black hair standing by the door, smoking a cigarette. I looked from him to my mom, but she had no look of concern on her face.

“Ya,” she said, throwing her cigarette to the ground and putting it out with her foot. The man nodded and looked at me and gave me a sly smile.

“See you tomorrow baby, and don’t forget the money,” she whispered in my ear as she hugged me goodbye. She then walked off and I saw the man hand her a wad of bills and then proceed to grab her ass and kiss her neck.

I instantly felt sick and averted my eyes and walked quickly to my car. I had only made it halfway there before the thought of my mom being a prostitute forced me to vomit right there in the parking lot.