Redemption

I never forgave myself for going to church on Sunday, never forgave myself for seeing Joe there, for being suckered into a world that wasn’t mine. Work became my stress relief, when before it was my hell on earth. I worked extra hours, stayed late helping out, then I went home and slept or I would go out with Lacy. It was if I had given up all hope for my life and was sucked into this dark place. No emotion came to me, I was closed off.

But someone kept trying to reach me.

I saw him getting out of his car on Tuesday and he saw me too. He stood there, staring through one of the windows at the club. I walked away after a second and waited to hear the engine of his car go on and then hear him drive off. I never heard those noises but when I looked out the window again he was gone. Then on Thursday he actually came in, asked the bartender something. I saw this and went out the back door, literally sprinted to my car and drove off.

I hoped he wouldn’t come tonight, hoped maybe there was some Friday God service he had to attend, but I was wrong. I was up on stage when he came, I couldn’t escape. He saw me and averted his eyes, make small talk with one of the men sitting at the bar. He had already seen me once naked, why see it again. When I was done I went backstage and hid, Lacy had taken the night off; she had had a doctor’s appointment that day and decided to use that as an excuse to just not come in.

“Move,” I grumbled at a blonde girl as I grabbed my clothes from behind her.

“Bitch,” she said and glared at me as she stalked off.

“Whore,” I mumbled and walked out into the bar area.

There he was and I felt like running, but he saw me. No smile came to his face, no look of concern, or worry, no emotion at all. He walked up to me and stood there, looking at me.

“What part of ‘leave me alone’ don’t you understand?” I asked Joe as I looked at him.

“I had to talk to you,” he said, trying not to look at me.

“Does your mom know how you knew me?”

“No, I would never tell her,” he said softly.

“What? Too ashamed there Joe, to tell your mommy that you came to a strip club! Oh God forbid, especially that you see the stripper at church, must have been a shock.”

“Can we go somewhere?”

“Motel? Hotel? You must go the cash and I got the time,” I said as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“No, not for, no! Just to talk.”

“I take it hotel then?”

“Why do you have to be so difficult,” he said as his forehead creased and his brown eyes filled with a look of concern and annoyance.

“Cause it’s just how I am,” I said bitterly.

“Fine, hotel, want to follow me?” he asked, seeming nervous.

“Not really, but I guess you will just keep stalking me if I don’t.”

“Mallory I wasn’t stalking you.”

The way he said my name made me cringe. It wasn’t in some sexual tone; it was like a normal person even, someone who was talking to me and not the stripper.

“What? Mallory? Do you not like it when I say your name?” Joe asked and I saw the faint hint of a smirk.

I knew he was attracted to me, I could tell from the minute he saw me. Then the fact that I was so ‘mysterious’ to him probably made me more wantable, but he tried to hide it. I saw his God loving family, they would never approve. But just like a moth to a flame Mr. Joe wanted to know all he could about this stripper, not only to try to help me out but because he was intoxicated by me.

“Don’t flirt with a stripper,” I scoffed and he smiled. “Funny how you don’t deny that you were flirting.”

“I wasn’t flirting Mallory, now can we go talk?” he asked, the smile still there but seriousness in his eyes.

I nodded and then we left. His car was a rich person’s car; it made me feel inferior as I followed it all the way to the Hilton Hotel. I could tell he had so much money that he probably found me not only disgusting, but also poor and unworthy.

I stayed away from him as he purchased the room; let him go in one elevator while I went in another. No matter if he flirted with me or not, he was ashamed and didn’t’ want to be seen with someone like me. My short black skirt and white tank top just screamed stripper, or at least to me it did. I walked a few steps behind him and then we both slipped into the fancy hotel room.

“How do you have so much money?” I asked as I looked around.

“Huh?”

“Did you not hear me?”

“No it’s just, I’m in a band. Jonas Brothers. You probably heard of us, most know about us so just weird you ask,” he almost laughed, as if flattered by the fact of me asking about his stardom.

“I have heard of you guys, but since you can’t see faces on the radio I guess I didn’t know who you were.”

“You listen to our songs?”

“Heard them on the radio, not intentionally listened,” I remarked as I went and sat at the edge of the bed.

I took notice of how he walked up and sat next to me. He seemed nervous, scared of the thought of us both being in a hotel room. He fidgeted with his hands, rarely looked directly at me.

“Can you please not come back to church,” he said suddenly and it took me a minute to comprehend.

“Why?”

“I just, look Mallory, you seem like a nice girl but I have a reputation, my brothers and I are constantly in the spot light and the last thing anyone needs is for me to be seen with a stripper,” he said as he looked at me and I felt a rush of head rise to my face as I suddenly was infuriated.

“So you don’t want anyone to know you go to strip clubs?”

“It was just for my birthday, it wasn’t even my idea.”

“So the whole reason you wanted to talk to me, was not to tell me that I should come back to church, seek God, turn my life around, but tell me that you are ashamed of me and want me to stay the fuck away from you?”

“Look I never thought I would even see you again so I never thought I would have to tell you this, but seeing you at church, with a family friend, and sitting with my family? They can’t know, they just can’t.”

Joe’s eyes begged me to just go along with this. They were worried that his family would know and maybe I would have compassion for him but I just didn’t.

“Screw you,” I said as I stood up.

“Don’t be mad,” he said as he stayed seated, looking up at me.

“I am way past mad! You think that just cause you have money and some fuckin perfect life that you can just shoo me away, you think you can erase your past? If I could erase my past I would never be a stripper, but too bad Joe but you came to that strip club, you kept trying to see me and I hope your family finds out because maybe a little rocking of your perfect ass world might give you a good dose or reality!”

“Don’t try to blame me because you are a stripper! And no, I don’t think that just because I have money I can ‘shoo’ you away but if I could take back ever meeting you I would,” he snarled as he stood up, obviously angry.

“And to think you cared,” I said as I glared at him.

“Cared?” he asked.

“Ya, cared! The day we met, you seemed to care, but the minute you find out I’m not raped and everything is fine you go one with your perfect life until you see me again and freak out and could care less what happens to me as long as I am away from you!” I yell and realization hit him.

“I cared Mallory, I cared when I saw you and I…I care now but I just can’t risk this, I can’t risk the shame,” he said and put an arm on my shoulder.

“Shame!?” I jerked my shoulder away. “You arrogant son of a bitch!”

Then I slapped him. He was shocked, and then I slapped him again. I tried to slap him once more but he grabbed my wrist, so I tried with my other hand but he grabbed that wrist. I struggled, yelling at him, almost at tears. I felt so dirty, I really did feel like such a shame to everyone. I kicked him and by trying to get me to stop he put me on the bed and held me there, unable to move.

“I hate you,” I growled and before I knew it his lips were on mine. I didn’t know why, but I liked it.

I felt vulnerable, weak, but with him I didn’t feel dirty. I didn’t know what we were doing because he wanted nothing to do with me and I wanted nothing to do with him, but here we were lost in some form of passion. All we knew about each other were names and careers. No deep background information, nothing, but both of us needed some release and some spark went off.

I felt my shirt slip off and then my hands fumbled with his pants for a minute before they slid off to the floor. He took his shirt off and his body was perfect. He kissed me again and my skirt came off. I felt his warm hands on my body and then I realized that this felt like it was more than just sex.

There was passion, and in his kiss I felt like myself, and suddenly I became attached to Joe Jonas in a night of fiery passion.