Love or Lust

The car ride home was quiet. I liked that. It gave me more time to think. Was I really sure I loved Bill, or was I just saying that because I had missed him so much? I had to figure this out before I took it too far with him again and hurt him.
“Why’d you leave?” Bill asked out of no where.
“Um…I was afraid I hurt you, and I needed to get away for a while.” I was telling the truth. “It was a mistake though. It was horrible being without everyone for a week.”
“Big mistake, when I found out I was so worried it wasn’t funny.” He sighed.
“Thanks for worrying.”
“I always worry about you.” He smiled a little.
I smiled too then leaned my head against his shoulder, watching the road as he drove.

After getting home er, Bill’s house, I was greeted with many hugs and a few questions from Simone and Grodon, but I told them I didn’t want to talk about it. Then Simone called my mom and told her I was safe. Simone asked if I wanted to talk to her, but I said I was too tired. I shortly after when to Bill’s room and laid down. I wasn’t really tired I just wanted to get away from everyone.
I could tell I still had deep feelings for Tom, even though I love Bill. I didn’t know what to do, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Bill. I was afraid I’d hurt him again. I needed someone to confide in…was that going too have to be Tom? I don’t think Sammy would want to hear about my drama and talking to Simone or my mom would be awkward.
I groaned then stuffed my face into my pillow. I was beginning to hate my life. I groaned again as the door was opening. “Knock, knock.” I hear Tom’s voice whisper.
“What?” I asked looking at him.
“You okay?”
“Yes and no. Now what do you want?”
“I was just wanting to talk, but I can see you’re in a pissy mood. Come see me when you’re not in a bad mood.” he spat somewhat.
“Tom.” I was too late he had already slammed the door.
I shoved my face into the pillow again, letting out a scream of frustration. This was going to be a difficult night.
I laid there thinking, basically using every brain cell in my head to think of what to do. I didn’t want supper anymore after I pissed Tom off. I just didn’t feel like eating.
“Still not hungry?” Bill asked walking into the room.
“Nope.” I said simply.
“Okay then.” He laid down next to me and we stared at each other for a bit. I got a guilty ache in my chest for still caring about Tom. I really did care about them both. Both of the boys we the best things in my life. I needed to talk to someone, anyone. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed.
“You still care about Tom don’t you?” Damn he knew me too well.
“Are you gonna get upset if I say yes?”
“No, I understand. I’ll always love you, Ella, but I’m not going to control your life.” he smiled placing a kiss on my forehead as he sat up.
“I love you too, Bill, just….I love him too.”
“It’s alright, you should go talk to him. He seemed really distant at dinner.” Bill said still smiling.
“So…you’re okay?”
“Yes.”
I sat up and hugged him. “I love you so much, Bill. You’ll get someone better than me.”
“There is no one better for me. Anyway…I wouldn’t mind sharing you. As long as you’re happy.”
“Thank you…I don’t know what I’m going to do…but I don’t think that would be right.”
“Oh well.” he shrugged. Then remembered something. “Oh! Do you want you’re birthday present?”
“Bill, you didn’t have to get me anything….” I paused. “Yes, I want my present.”
He laughed then handed me a box that said some kind of jewelry company. I opened the box to see the most beautiful necklace. It was a golden heart with a little flower in the middle. It was a closed flower and there was a little cross behind the small flower. I smiled the biggest smile I could then hugged him. “Thank you. I love it.”
He grinned back.
“Could you put it on me?”
“Sure.” He nodded then put my necklace one after I moved my hair.
“Thanks again.”
“Anytime. I still think you should go talk to Tom.”
“Alright, but if I get raped, I blame you.”
“I’ll remember that.” He chuckled.
Then I thought for a moment. “Would you get mad if something did happen between me and Tom?”
“A little, but I would get over it.” He shrugged. “Like I said, I want you too be happy.”
“You’re not like most guys.”
“I know I’m not, I never have been. Now go talk to him.”
I nodded then walked out of Bill’s room, after I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Now I had to talk to Tom.