Our Heaven's Worth the Waiting

Chapter 6:

It was six months to the day I had left Dylan when I got a phone call from him. And like an idiot, I answered.

'Hello?'

'Zella, baby, come home.' His voice peirced me like a knife.

'No.'

'At least tell me where you are?'

'No.' I said.

'Zelly, I still love you. I always have and I always will. All that stuff I said to you, I didn't mean it.' He was begging and pleading and all I could think was how pathetic he sounded.

'No, Dylan. I hate your guts and I wish I'd never dated you.' I said.

Like stepping on a twig, he snapped and I could hear his true personality sneak up on me.

'You're a little whore, Zella, you know that. You are never going to find anyone who will love you. Not with a record like yours. I'm the only one who understands what you've been through and the only one that can see past that. So, just come home where you can do what I know you've been dying to do since you left.'

I hung up the phone and ripped the battery out. I threw it across my room just as Novak walked in.

'Woah, woah, woah, what's going on in here?' He asked. 'You crying, Zell?'

I closed in on myself and wrapped my arms around my legs crying. I heard Novak shut my door and walk over, sitting next to me on the bed. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into the ridiculous racoon suit Bam was making him wear.

'Come here, babe. What's wrong? Who called?'

'Dylan.' I muttered.

'Why's that asshole still calling you?'

I shrugged.

'What'd he say?'

'He said no one will ever love me because of my past.' I said breaking into new sobs. At this point a knock came on the door and Bam peeked his head in.

'Yo, Novak we need you...What's going on?' He asked.

'Let me handle it, kay Bam?' Novak asked.

I knew Bam must have stood there staring for a moment before leaving.

'What happened in your past?'

'I'm a fucking druggie, okay?' I snapped ripping myself away from him.

'What were you on?' He asked calmly.

'Coke and Herion.' I said looking out the window. 'Since highschool. I've been to rehab more times then I can remember.'

'Me too.' I heard him say. I turned to find that he had a serious look on his face.

'Really?'

'More Herion than anything.' He said nodding. 'Ruined my whole skating career because of it.'

I looked at him completely differnet now. So he knew what I had been through in his own twisted way. I finally found someone I could have conversations with outside of the rehad facilties.

'I wrote a book about it.' He said after a moment. 'The guys make fun of me for promotting it but I'm really proud. It's called Dreamseller.'

'Can I read it sometime?' I asked coming back over to the bed.

'Of course you can, Zella.' He said smiling.

'This is the reason I can't go back to my aunt and uncles.' I admitted. 'I left in the first place because my dealer was on a mission to kill me. So I fled. Besides, I know as soon as I'm home, I'll just get right back into it.' I said. 'Dylan didn't help either. He got me on pills and I went to rehab for that too. I've been sober for six months. Coming here was a rehab in its self.'

We sat in silence for a moment before I looked him in the eyes and said, 'Can you not tell anyone this? Especially Bam?'

'Sure.' He said hugging me.

'Dylan was right.' I mumbled.

'What?'

'No ones ever going to love me.' I said.

'Don't think that way Zella.' Novak said. There was a knock on my door and Bam came in again. 'Besides I tihnk I know someone who already does.'

'Already does what?' Bam asked Novak.

'Nothing.' Novak said leaving.

'You okay?' Bam asked.

'Yeah. Just a little heart to heart with Novak.' I said. 'No biggie.'

'Well, if this scumbag isn't around and you want to talk I'm right down the hall.' Bam said.

'Thanks Bam.' I said laughing slightly.

'Night.' Bam said walking out and closing the door. 'What'd you talk about?' I heard him ask Novak.

'Nothing.' Novak said. 'Just personal stuff.'

'I wanna know.' Bam said.

'She'll tell you when she's ready.' Novak said making Bam sigh heavily.

I walked into the bathroom. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I broke open my razor on the counter and grabbed one of the blades.

'Zella.' Bam said coming in just as I was dragging it along my skin. 'Don't go any further.' He grabbed the other blade on the counter and picked it up holding it against his wrist.

'Bam, no.' I said crying. 'Let me do it. Let me kill myself.'

'No Zella.' He said. 'You die, and I'm going too.'

Pissed and I decided I wasn't going to let him stop me. I dragged the rest of the way across my wrist but not half as deep. I looked up in horror to see Bam gushing blood. More blood that was held in the human body. His blue orbs rolled back as he fell to the ground dropping the blade and life behind him.

'Bam!' I screamed. 'Don't die on me bastard.'

I began to scream through my trears and a second later I was sitting bolt upright in my bed.

'Zella.' Bam screamed bursting through my door. I realized it had been a dream and the real tears began to wrack my body. 'You okay?' Bam was sitting next to me on my bed a second later.

'I had a bad dream...' I said feeling safe in his arms. 'Did I wake you?'

'Yeah I heard you scream.' He said. 'What was it about?'

'You killed yourself...because of me...' I murmered. His eyes widened in shock and he pulled me closer.

As my tears started to slow, Bam leaned back against my headboard and pulled me into his chest where I finished crying and began to fall asleep as he played with my hair. I felt him attempt to get up after a moment.

'Bam.' I said stopping him in the doorway.

'Yeah, Zell Bell?'

'Stay with me?' I asked.

He nodded and walked over, climbing into bed next to me. He pulled me back into his chest and rewound his fingers in my hair as I fell asleep to his steady breathing and his strong heartbeat.