Sent A Flame Down the East Coast

My kitchen window had never seemed so small. I could see the trees, the field, the van and the road, but it just didn't seem like enough. I wanted to see more. I needed to know that there was more out there for me than what I was staring at. Sure, this is the place my heart called home, but home had put me through too much hell. It's like I couldn't see straight anymore. Like everything I'd ever known was closing in around me, threatening to cut off my air.

I let out a soft sigh, and pushed my body off the sink. I could hear voices coming down the hallways, along with four pairs of footsteps leading them in my direction. As quickly as I could, I brushed the hair out of my eyes and ran my hands along my face. If I didn't appear to be crying, this wouldn't be as painful. At least, that was the theory I was sticking to.

I couldn't read their faces very well. Not even Amber's. Truth be told, I didn't very well want to know what they were thinking. It was probably some form of pity for me, and I didn't want that. I didn't need that. I didn't need this.

"I think that's the last of it," Zack mumbled, tossing his red and black bag over his shoulder. "Hopefully we forgot something."

I knew he was expecting me to crack a smile at his comment, so that's exactly what I did. Of course I meant most of it, but not like I would have two days ago. I let out another soft sigh, and walked closer to their tall bodies. I bit the inside of my cheek to contain more tears, and nodded my head slowly.

We all stood awkwardly in the kitchen. I could feel their eyes eating away at me. It wasn't in a bad way, but that didn't make me feel any less uncomfortable. I know the guys had good intentions.

"We should get going," Jack spoke up. For the first time, his voice didn't sound happy-go-lucky. If I was correct, there was sadness hanging off his words. "If we want to catch our flight."

"Come here," Zack wrapped his arms around my frame. I was like an ant compared to him. Imagine how I felt beside Alex or Jack. "I'm going to miss you. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met," He mumbled into my hair. I simply nodded my head against his face. "It's going to be okay. You'll see." He pulled back, giving me a soft smile. "I love you."

His words took me back a bit, but within two seconds, I realized I loved him too. I loved all of them. They were my sanity and heros for a few months. They were everything to me. I loved them. I needed them. This was going to hurt like hell.

"I'm going to miss you too. And I love you a lot."

"Come on," Amber pressed her palm against the lower part of his back. "I'll walk you out."

"Dakota," Jack gave a faint laugh, pulling me close to his chest. "You didn't skin me."

"No," I shook my head into his body heat. "I care about you too much."

"That's odd," He sighed. "I didn't think I'd even like you. But here I am, not even gone yet and already missing you. Promise me that you'll take care of yourself?"

"I promise, Jack."

"I have a lot of affection towards you. I'm going to hate not seeing you in the mornings."

"Uhm," I looked up to his face from my point, raising an eye brow. "I love you too, and I shall miss you as well?"

Jack simply nodded his head, smiling. For a second, I thought we were having a moment, but it was murdered by Alex loudly clearing his throat. Jack quickly pulled his eyes away from mine, and let out a soft groan. I could see Alex grinning lightly as Jack let go of me.

"I'll leave you two alone," He mumbled. "Take care, Kota."

"You too."

"How you holding up?" Alex motioned for us to sit at the table. I thought today was going to be filled with quick good-bye's, but apparently I was wrong.

Alex was probably the hardest person for me to say goodbye to. Aside from Rian, that is. He didn't exactly say goodbye to me, though. But Alex- He was like the brother I never had. Not like Wesley, or Tyler. A different type of brother. The kind that understands you when no one else ever will. The kind that, even when you know goodbye isn't forever, it still burns like a fire.

"I'm okay," my thoughts were getting the best of me, causing my voice to come out softly. "Don't worry about me."

"That's like telling a bird not to fly," he shook his head. "I don't want to leave."

"I don't want you to leave."

"While I'm gone, do me some favors, okay?"

"Okay?"

"Keep your head held high. Get out of this town like you wanted to, but not before telling me where you're going. Don't let people walk all over you. Make up with your mom-" I shot him a glance. "I know it kills you. Move on. There are better guys out there than Rian. Take chances and smile."

"That's a lot to ask from one person," I sighed. "I'll try."

"You've got a hard life 'cause you can handle it, kid." He gave me a faint smile. "I'm just asking you to do something for yourself."

I nodded my head slowly. It was moments like this where I realized exactly why I was so attached to Alex. I wasn't so sure I could live up to everything he'd asked. It seemed like too much for me to even ponder at the time.

"I love you," Alex pulled me into a hug. "And I'm going to miss you more than anything."

"I love you too," I could feel my tears about to spill. "I'll miss you more."

Alex pulled away, staring me in the eyes. I knew that he knew I was about to cry. I could see it through the expression on his face. He let out a soft sigh, and picked up his bags from the ground. He slung them over his shoulder, and ran a hand through his shabby hair. I could tell he was trying to think of the perfect line to leave me with, but nothing seemed to come. Instead, he shot me another smile, and walked right past me. To be honest, it felt like Alex hadn't even been there. Like seeing him walk past was nothing more than feeling a gush of wind. Unreal and unseen.

I could hear the van start up- But faintly. I then heard Amber yelling, "be careful," and the sound of rocks sliding with tires. It was then I realized I needed to stop them. They needed to stay for at least another day. I needed them to guide me through this part of my life. I didn't understand it, and they could make sure I was fully mended by the time the pain really started taking over.

I ran as fast as I could out the door. I barely noticed the glass hitting roughly against the side of the house. I let my feet carry me half way down the driveway, to where Amber was standing, but it was too late. I could faintly see Jack's face staring through the rear-view mirror, but they were too far down the road to turn back now.

I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing how helpless I must have looked. Watching the van drive off, my mind started screaming. It was reminding me of every laugh I'd ever shared with them. I remembered all my long talks with Rian. The first time we'd ever really bonded. When he refused to let me be alone in the middle of a breakdown. I remembered everything good about him I wanted to forget.

Then I'd remember the guys. How they never let me down. How they showed up on my doorstep. How awkward things were at first. They way they were all so different, yet so alike. How they weren't afraid to speak up and be themselves. I'd never be able to explain it to another living soul- But they were like cocaine to me. They were my strength, and I'd only known them for almost three months. They made me feel complete. They made me feel incredible.

My tears washed over my eyes. My vision was blurry, and I could feel Amber's arms hugging tightly to my skin. She really was the only person I had to count on now. She was the only person I've ever had to count on. I was trying to push the thought out of my mind, but I could feel it in my bones. I'd never see the boys again. Not unless it was a mistake. I was finally putting the pieces together. That's why they stayed an extra night when Rian left. To say goodbye for the last time. Rian was their best friend. I was a fool to think they'd put me first. I was a fool to think Rian ever really cared, despite how much I ached for him at that moment in time.

This was the end of everything I thought would put me back together. They were gone. They were never coming back.

I could feel my lungs gasping for air, as Amber pushed my bangs out of my face.

"Don't you have a panic attack on me right now," Her voice seemed so far away. "Dakota, don't do this. I don't have a car and we're thirty minutes from the hospital. You can breathe. Do it."

It was too late for her to talk me out of this one. I could literally feel a knife in my back, and I could feel it twisting around as my blood starting leaving my body. My body was shaking with tears, anger and depression. The first rule I was ever taught to surviving in the world, and I didn't even keep it in mind.

Trust no one.

My body was getting weaker with every memory crashing into my mind. I told myself I'd never love someone. I fell in love with Rian. I was finally starting to realize why they call it falling in love in the first place. The fall alone is exciting. You're expecting someone to catch you before you hit rock bottom. But in the end, we always end up broken on the floor. It's not fair.

I let my mind take over completely. I couldn't fight the thoughts anymore. Part of me didn't want to.

"Dakota!"

I took in one last gasping breath. My tears were pouring like the rain. The last thing I remember before my eyes came to a sudden close was seeing Rian's face when he held me, or when he kissed me. In the background, I could see Alex and Jack chasing rabits, and Zack shaking his head at all of us. One more weep left my lungs, and everything around me slowly faded to black.

I'll have you know I'm scared to death that everything that you had said to me was just a lie until you left. Now I'm hoping just a little stronger. Hold me up, just a little bit longer. I'll be fine, I swear. I'm just gone beyond repair.