I Do Not Hook Up
His friends, my friends, our friends?
There was another time in my life when everything had been so easy. I’d wake up in the morning to his smile, get up and make us both breakfast though he preferred to do other things. He always loved spend hours in bed just holding me close to him. For hours he could smell my hair, trace my skin with perfect fingertips and share his thoughts with me.
“What are you thinking?” he’d ask me and then pulled my hair out of my eyes.
“I actually wasn’t thinking much. Just that…” I’d brake off not wanting to be too cheesy or sentimental.
“Just that… what?” he’d ask wanting to know anyway even if it was stupid.
“I’m thinking that this is nice. How we fit so perfectly together almost like we were made for this. I can’t picture myself waking up in someone else’s arms.” Then he’d kiss my neck and made the hair in the back raise. This would make him laugh then telling me how this was something that he loved about me.
When I woke up I wished to be back to those days. I wished that the arms dressing me were his though they weren’t. I didn’t remember much about the night before after the show; all I knew is that it hadn’t been my finest act. My head was pounding harder than ever, what had I drunk last night? Sleeping with my mouth open had left a bad taste in it and an awful pain when I tried to swallow.
“You’re awake?” said the fully dressed Nathaniel or Nate as everyone called him. I too was fully dressed and I sat up putting my palms into my closed eye sockets and began rubbing them. The mascara made my palms black, brilliant move there.
“What happened last night?” I asked not really remembering too much about it. Though I dreamt I rang Travis last night, but I wouldn’t do that. Text maybe, I’d done it before but never call.
I had been wrong, as I looked through my phone a couple of hours later sitting on the bus through Europe. I’d called him but I had no idea what or even how to figure out what I might have said. Maybe call someone who might have talked to him, but that would sound really stupid. I realized this even as I thought about it. There was another thing bothering me as well, there wasn’t anyone I could call who wasn’t friends with him. We had been together so long that everything that once had been mine now also was his and vice versa. I went through my phonebook name after name and they were almost all connected to him. Were they his friends then, or was they our friends? Since most of them I met through him, though I could always call Victoria of Cobra Starship. I could always count on her.
“Katy!” She responded happily in her phone as I called. For a moment I was always jealous for her being back in the states. They were full at recording their next album. “It wasn’t yesterday!”
“Hi, Vic! I’m sorry! How are you? I miss you!” I said honestly though I wished I could just pour my heart out to here right in that moment so someone could obsess the damages done to the pieces and figure out a way to fix it.
“I’m good, just taking a break from all the craziness here. I mean you should be here to see Ryland trying to do his best Gabe-diva-act hilarious.
“I take your word for it!”
“So what’s up! Aren’t you in Europe right now? Must cost a fortune calling me. “ She said concerned.
“Yes, and I don’t care I just wanted to talk to you. I wish you’d be here,”
“Its hard right?” she knew how it felt the same thing had happened to her this summer and was glad to have had Katy on tour with her then.
“The hardest!” she had never lied to Victoria, in so many ways were they best friends.
“Where are you sweetie?” Victoria said knowing that she had to do something about her friends problems. “The guys can manage without me for a week at least!”
“You don’t have to do that! I’ll get over this; it is just some stupid face that I’m going through. Don’t mind me!”
“I don’t care! You are my friend and obviously you are not okay. I’ll take the next flight out where ever you are!” When she made her mind up to something there wasn’t much anyone could do about it. “Listen I’ll call you as soon as I know when I’m landing!”
“Okay, I’m playing in Berlin tomorrow!”
“See you then K.”
“See you then V.” I loved her so much for being such a great friend towards me and really caring about me, just this made me feel slightly better. Perhaps things could get better? Or would they just become worse. My phone began calling then.
“Hello?” I answered knowing it was Travis on the other end.
“Hi,” he said awkwardly in the phone. “You called me last night, and I wanted to say that when you get home we need to talk. It can’t just be like this you know, as you said…”
“Listen Travis, I was so drunk last night I have no idea what I did or said yesterday. I’m sorry about disturbing you and all.” I didn’t want him to know how much it hurt hearing his voice, how much I missed him. No he’d hurt me and I’d probably hurt him too.
“But…” he began
“What are you thinking?” he’d ask me and then pulled my hair out of my eyes.
“I actually wasn’t thinking much. Just that…” I’d brake off not wanting to be too cheesy or sentimental.
“Just that… what?” he’d ask wanting to know anyway even if it was stupid.
“I’m thinking that this is nice. How we fit so perfectly together almost like we were made for this. I can’t picture myself waking up in someone else’s arms.” Then he’d kiss my neck and made the hair in the back raise. This would make him laugh then telling me how this was something that he loved about me.
When I woke up I wished to be back to those days. I wished that the arms dressing me were his though they weren’t. I didn’t remember much about the night before after the show; all I knew is that it hadn’t been my finest act. My head was pounding harder than ever, what had I drunk last night? Sleeping with my mouth open had left a bad taste in it and an awful pain when I tried to swallow.
“You’re awake?” said the fully dressed Nathaniel or Nate as everyone called him. I too was fully dressed and I sat up putting my palms into my closed eye sockets and began rubbing them. The mascara made my palms black, brilliant move there.
“What happened last night?” I asked not really remembering too much about it. Though I dreamt I rang Travis last night, but I wouldn’t do that. Text maybe, I’d done it before but never call.
I had been wrong, as I looked through my phone a couple of hours later sitting on the bus through Europe. I’d called him but I had no idea what or even how to figure out what I might have said. Maybe call someone who might have talked to him, but that would sound really stupid. I realized this even as I thought about it. There was another thing bothering me as well, there wasn’t anyone I could call who wasn’t friends with him. We had been together so long that everything that once had been mine now also was his and vice versa. I went through my phonebook name after name and they were almost all connected to him. Were they his friends then, or was they our friends? Since most of them I met through him, though I could always call Victoria of Cobra Starship. I could always count on her.
“Katy!” She responded happily in her phone as I called. For a moment I was always jealous for her being back in the states. They were full at recording their next album. “It wasn’t yesterday!”
“Hi, Vic! I’m sorry! How are you? I miss you!” I said honestly though I wished I could just pour my heart out to here right in that moment so someone could obsess the damages done to the pieces and figure out a way to fix it.
“I’m good, just taking a break from all the craziness here. I mean you should be here to see Ryland trying to do his best Gabe-diva-act hilarious.
“I take your word for it!”
“So what’s up! Aren’t you in Europe right now? Must cost a fortune calling me. “ She said concerned.
“Yes, and I don’t care I just wanted to talk to you. I wish you’d be here,”
“Its hard right?” she knew how it felt the same thing had happened to her this summer and was glad to have had Katy on tour with her then.
“The hardest!” she had never lied to Victoria, in so many ways were they best friends.
“Where are you sweetie?” Victoria said knowing that she had to do something about her friends problems. “The guys can manage without me for a week at least!”
“You don’t have to do that! I’ll get over this; it is just some stupid face that I’m going through. Don’t mind me!”
“I don’t care! You are my friend and obviously you are not okay. I’ll take the next flight out where ever you are!” When she made her mind up to something there wasn’t much anyone could do about it. “Listen I’ll call you as soon as I know when I’m landing!”
“Okay, I’m playing in Berlin tomorrow!”
“See you then K.”
“See you then V.” I loved her so much for being such a great friend towards me and really caring about me, just this made me feel slightly better. Perhaps things could get better? Or would they just become worse. My phone began calling then.
“Hello?” I answered knowing it was Travis on the other end.
“Hi,” he said awkwardly in the phone. “You called me last night, and I wanted to say that when you get home we need to talk. It can’t just be like this you know, as you said…”
“Listen Travis, I was so drunk last night I have no idea what I did or said yesterday. I’m sorry about disturbing you and all.” I didn’t want him to know how much it hurt hearing his voice, how much I missed him. No he’d hurt me and I’d probably hurt him too.
“But…” he began
♠ ♠ ♠
what will he say?