I Hate the Fact I Love You

I was shocked. “Joe, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize”
“Oh save it! I don’t want your sympathy! I want you to just get out of here! I want you to just move so I don’ t have to see you anymore!” he said and it tore me apart. “Well maybe if you didn’t hate me for basically my whole life, I would have had a sign that you liked me.” He looked at me and shook his head. “I gave you signs! I gave you about three years of signs! The three years you were my best friend! The fact that you chose your boyfriend over me tore me apart! You didn’t trust me! Worse, you thought I was trying to hurt you!” he said and I thought back. When I was about twelve I had a boyfriend and Joe tried to tell me that he was cheating on me but I never listened. “All that and he still hurt you! I hated the fact that you hurt me and I still liked you! So I tortured you! The thing is the more time I spend with you…the more I fall in love with you” that just broke me. Loved me? “Just forget about me ok, let me be,” he said as he locked himself into the bathroom again. “Joe! Please!” I said as I banged on the door. “I am such an idiot!” I said as I leaned against the door. “What happened?” Nick asked “Nothing” I lied…I couldn’t tell him what was going on. With all the mess that was going on already if something else goes on between them the band will split up! “Joe is just a little mad because we’re together” I lied again. I hated lying to him like this!

“Well, he’s just going to have to live with it” Nick said as he hugged me. The hug hurt for some reason. “I’m going to go to my bed. I’m a little tired” I said as he let me go. “What’s the matter with you?” Kevin asked. “Joe! That’s what’s wrong! The kid said he…loved me”
“Ouch. How did Nick take it”
“He didn’t! And he isn’t going to” I made clear to Kevin. “Whatever you say.” He shrugged. “That isn’t the worst part”
“Then what is?” he asked with curiosity, “I think I may love him back” you heard me right. I think I always liked Joe. The fact that he wants to hate me is tearing me apart inside! “This is so much better than T.V.!” Kevin said and I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for your support” I said in sarcastic way “No problem” he joked. I rolled my eyes. “Hey, trust me, I won’t tell Nick” I smiled at him. “Thanks” he smiled back. “But that still doesn’t solve my problem” I said. He shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry Mandy, I can’t help you with that. You have to decide whom you want to be with” he was right. I didn’t even know whom I wanted to be with. I knew one thing. If I didn’t know yet I couldn’t be with EITHER of them. I was going to go talk to Nick when Denise walked in. “We’re here guys, get your stuff and come on” She said as she left. I grabbed my suitcase and walked out. We got our room assignments and walked to our rooms.

I was bunking with Denise again. I knew it was for the best. When I was settled I walked to Nick and Joe’s room. I stood in front of the door and knocked. Nick opened the door. “Hey” he said as he kissed me. God, I was going to miss this. “Hey, can I talk to you?” I asked as I grabbed his hand and began walking. “Nick, I really have feelings for you, but I don’t really think this will work, right now” I said calmly. I felt his hand leave mine. “Wait, what?!” he was a little shocked. “Is this because of Joe” I didn’t want to tell him so I shook my head. “No, it’s just…I don’t think I can deal with a relationship right now” I said before I started walking back. I walked to the lobby of the hotel and sat on one of the couches. I sat there for a while. I was thinking. Who did I love? Did I love neither of them? Did I love both of them? Who should I choose? Who says either of them will take me back? All of these questions raced through my head.

“You okay?” I heard Kevin’s voice. My eyes popped open. “Yeah, I’m fine” I said with no emotion. “You can’t be fine. You just found out your ex-best friend loves you and you just broke up0 with your boyfriend. You should be an emotional wreck” he said and I looked at him confused. “Ok, you’re right! Ugh! Why can’t life be easier?” I asked him. “Because that’s just how it is” he responded.