Rebirth

It took about two hours for the news of Anni's pregnancy to spread through the school, and nearly a month before things were back to normal. People continued on with their lives as if nothing had happened, but it seemed like I was stuck in the past. Every night I'd wake up with tears on my face and sobbing, seeing Scott die in every one of my dreams. About a week ago, I gave up on sleeping. It only turned out to hurt me, just like a lot of things.
Most nights, I'd wake up in hope that Scott would be sleeping next to me, but he never was, and more often than not I'd sit by his memorial at night, just to be close to him. It didn't matter if I died anymore, as I saw it. My love was gone, and my sister seemed to have her life under control again. I wasn't really needed, and even if that wasn't true, I wouldn't accept it. It might of been selfish, but how did they expect me to continue living without Scott?

Anni was sitting across from me in her and Logan's bedroom, going over plans for when the baby would be there. Ororo was planning the baby shower, even though I should have been, but we all knew I wouldn't be able to handle that. I was happy for Anni and Logan, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't help but feel jealous. Scott was gone, and Anni was having a baby. It didn't seem fair to me, but I was still happy for her.

I had seen the difference in Logan almost immediately. He was calmer, and even more protective of Anni. It made me smile, just knowing that he was going to be a great father. He'd be there to take care of Anni when I wasn't. He'd raise their child with Anni, and be the best father ever. Even though this was Logan we were talking about, he had the instinct to take care of the things he loved, and the means to do that. He was the perfect one for Anni, and for that, I was thankful.

"So, I'm thinking for a boys name Adi, and for a girl Lorelai, what do you think?" Anni was nearly shaking with excitement, and I smiled.

"I think they're going to have amazing parents, Anni." She smiled, and looked at her hands. I took her hand in mine and smiled at her, not as wide as I used to. "They're going to have the best experience growing up, no matter what. And they're going to be safe all the time, even in the worst danger. I don't think there's ever been a more fortunate baby, Anni," and it was true. They'd always be safe because there would always be an X-Men to protect them from harm. They'd be able to get a great education, and they'd always be loved. It was something they deserved.

It made me smile, to think about how different their life would be compared to ours. They wouldn't be tortured, and I could sense the relief in Anni just over that fact. It made tears come to my eyes, just thinking about how perfect they would look. I had asked Marcy, a mutant with the power to see the future, to show me what they would look like. They'd have Logan's hair with Anni's eyes, and they'd be a small little girl with long dark hair. She had a baby face, but Marcy couldn't tell what power she would have.

It made me feel better about everything, knowing how much joy this little girl would bring to my sister. Anni looked at my face in confusion, unable to tell why I was crying. She gripped my hand tighter, as if to hold me together, but we all knew that I had fallen apart long before. With a sigh, I looked down at our hands.

"Anni, you know I love you, right?" I could sense her hesitant nod, and it made me smile. "And you know that nothing is ever, ever going to change that, right?" She nodded again. "Good."

"Jasey?" Her voice was soft and filled with worry and anticipation. "What's going on?"

While shaking my head, I squeezed her hand. She tightened her grip in return. "Anni, this is killing me. I can't stand not waking up next to Scott. I tried, Anni, but I can't do it," she looked like she was about to speak, but before she did I spoke in a broken voice. "Anni, you're going to be fine, okay? I believe that with everything left in me. You and Logan are going to live happily ever after, just like those stories that we used to read, okay? But I just... can you... Anni," my voice broke again.

"Jasey, just tell me what to do! Please, tell me!" Her voice broke, too, and tears rolled down her cheeks. I wiped them away with my other hand.

"Anni, I can't do it. I can't live without him. Please. I need you to kill me, Anni."