Blinded
Moms
Okay. Yup! That was the second show we’ve done while I’m blind, and – just like the first one – it fucking sucked! Well, the guys played good and all, but I just fucking sucked! Seriously! Would you think it was a good show if I was just standing there? Doing nothing? No, right?
Our footsteps resonate through the narrow hallway as we walk away from the roar of the crowd and towards our dressing room – white, I presume. Ray is holding me by my shoulders – leading me. It’s sort of humiliating. Don’t get me wrong; I love the guy! It’s just that… well, it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing having to suddenly depend on everyone else to do the simplest of things for you – like walking in a straight line.
“Mom!” I hear Mikey yell, before his footsteps quickly run off – the sound of them fades, so I assume he’s run into the dressing room.
A frown and a smile spread across my face.
“Mom?” My voice is low, and I think only Ray heard it.
I clearly hear when I step into the dressing room – the white walls absorbing no sound, and all voices and footsteps are loud and clear.
“Hello, Mikey. How’ve you been?” Ray leads me into the room, then stops.
“Real good, mom!” Ray pats my back before leaving me to stand there. I don’t really know where ‘there’ is, though. I have a feeling it’s in the middle of the room, but I’m not sure.
“That’s good, sweety.” I hear my mom’s footsteps come closer to me. Suddenly I feel her – as always – cold hands wrap over my cheeks. It’s nice actually, considering I’ve just had a projector light straight in my face for about 2 hours.
“And Gerard.” She strokes her thumbs over my rounded cheeks.
“You giant cluts.” I laugh. So does Mikey. And the rest of the guys eventually join in. The sound of our laughter bellow through the hollow-sounding room. I don’t think there’re a lot of furniture in here. It seems a little empty.
I feel my mom’s small lips on my forehead, before she lets go of my face and grabs my arm. She leads me across the room and into a couch.
When I’m seated, I wipe my sleeve over my forehead. If asked, I’m just wiping off some sweat, but the truth is that I’m wiping off any possible lipstick-marks on there. Too bad I can’t see if there’s any on my sleeve.
“So, besides you not seeing anything, how’ve you been?” I smile. Moms: they always know how to comfort you – in the oddest ways.
“Good.”
“Have your girlfriend come to see you yet?” My smile fades a bit. I thought I… Oh, right. I never got around to telling her. And well, I guess Mikey for once in his life has decided not to spread the rumor. Why is it that people always do what you don’t want them to do, but as soon as you expect them to do it anyway, then they fucking don’t do it!?
“Mom, we broke up.”
“Oh. Well, I never heard about that.” Yeah, because Mikey suddenly decided to play ‘the good brother’.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that Gerard. Are you okay?” My smile is back. Again; moms: they always know how to comfort you – in the oddest ways.
“I’m good. It was kinda mutual. And it happened over a month ago, so I’m pretty much over it.”
“Oh, well that's good sweety.” My mom’s cold hands wrap around one of mine. She rubs soothing circles in my palm, and for a second I forget that I can’t see it – her.
“So. Anyone new in your life yet?” And then we’re back. Right back to the point where we should be – where we will always end up. Which is the point where my mom is her usual, annoying self – like moms always are.
“No, mom.” I can practically hear her smile.
“Really?” I sigh and almost growl, but the latter stays in my mind since my mom hates it when I growl at her.
“Yes, mom. Really. There’s no one.” I roll my eyes. At least I think I do. Well, I try; let’s put it like that. Whether I succeed or not is the big question here.
“Oh, well then you just have to meet this girl I know. She’s the daughter of an old friend of mine that I met a couple of months ago. We just bumped into each other down at the supermarket, and it turns out that she’s been living just down the street for 4 years! Can you believe that? 4 years, and we’ve never even noticed each other! Anyways, then she…”
I stop listening after that. I just settle for nodding. And now it actually seems like a good thing to not be able to see – it means that I don’t have to look interested. I don’t even have to look at her. I can just zone out – stare into space. As long as I keep nodding, I’m good.
And so that’s what I do. I just nod.
Our footsteps resonate through the narrow hallway as we walk away from the roar of the crowd and towards our dressing room – white, I presume. Ray is holding me by my shoulders – leading me. It’s sort of humiliating. Don’t get me wrong; I love the guy! It’s just that… well, it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing having to suddenly depend on everyone else to do the simplest of things for you – like walking in a straight line.
“Mom!” I hear Mikey yell, before his footsteps quickly run off – the sound of them fades, so I assume he’s run into the dressing room.
A frown and a smile spread across my face.
“Mom?” My voice is low, and I think only Ray heard it.
I clearly hear when I step into the dressing room – the white walls absorbing no sound, and all voices and footsteps are loud and clear.
“Hello, Mikey. How’ve you been?” Ray leads me into the room, then stops.
“Real good, mom!” Ray pats my back before leaving me to stand there. I don’t really know where ‘there’ is, though. I have a feeling it’s in the middle of the room, but I’m not sure.
“That’s good, sweety.” I hear my mom’s footsteps come closer to me. Suddenly I feel her – as always – cold hands wrap over my cheeks. It’s nice actually, considering I’ve just had a projector light straight in my face for about 2 hours.
“And Gerard.” She strokes her thumbs over my rounded cheeks.
“You giant cluts.” I laugh. So does Mikey. And the rest of the guys eventually join in. The sound of our laughter bellow through the hollow-sounding room. I don’t think there’re a lot of furniture in here. It seems a little empty.
I feel my mom’s small lips on my forehead, before she lets go of my face and grabs my arm. She leads me across the room and into a couch.
When I’m seated, I wipe my sleeve over my forehead. If asked, I’m just wiping off some sweat, but the truth is that I’m wiping off any possible lipstick-marks on there. Too bad I can’t see if there’s any on my sleeve.
“So, besides you not seeing anything, how’ve you been?” I smile. Moms: they always know how to comfort you – in the oddest ways.
“Good.”
“Have your girlfriend come to see you yet?” My smile fades a bit. I thought I… Oh, right. I never got around to telling her. And well, I guess Mikey for once in his life has decided not to spread the rumor. Why is it that people always do what you don’t want them to do, but as soon as you expect them to do it anyway, then they fucking don’t do it!?
“Mom, we broke up.”
“Oh. Well, I never heard about that.” Yeah, because Mikey suddenly decided to play ‘the good brother’.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that Gerard. Are you okay?” My smile is back. Again; moms: they always know how to comfort you – in the oddest ways.
“I’m good. It was kinda mutual. And it happened over a month ago, so I’m pretty much over it.”
“Oh, well that's good sweety.” My mom’s cold hands wrap around one of mine. She rubs soothing circles in my palm, and for a second I forget that I can’t see it – her.
“So. Anyone new in your life yet?” And then we’re back. Right back to the point where we should be – where we will always end up. Which is the point where my mom is her usual, annoying self – like moms always are.
“No, mom.” I can practically hear her smile.
“Really?” I sigh and almost growl, but the latter stays in my mind since my mom hates it when I growl at her.
“Yes, mom. Really. There’s no one.” I roll my eyes. At least I think I do. Well, I try; let’s put it like that. Whether I succeed or not is the big question here.
“Oh, well then you just have to meet this girl I know. She’s the daughter of an old friend of mine that I met a couple of months ago. We just bumped into each other down at the supermarket, and it turns out that she’s been living just down the street for 4 years! Can you believe that? 4 years, and we’ve never even noticed each other! Anyways, then she…”
I stop listening after that. I just settle for nodding. And now it actually seems like a good thing to not be able to see – it means that I don’t have to look interested. I don’t even have to look at her. I can just zone out – stare into space. As long as I keep nodding, I’m good.
And so that’s what I do. I just nod.