Blinded

I’m staring ahead – at nothing. Like before. Like earlier. Just like I‘ve been staring into the darkness for the past week.
It won’t stop. It just stays dark – black. I can barely even remember colors anymore. Everything just keeps being black. When I finally do see something, it disappears again. It goes away. Everything goes away. Everything stays black.
I can’t take it much longer. I need to see! I need to…see.
I feel so goddamn claustrophobic. It’s like being trapped in a dark room. Or locked inside a closet. Or captured in a tiny metal box.
Everything is nothing but black. You know there’re things around you, but you can’t see them. So are they there? Are they still there?
Are your friends still there? Are they still standing close to you? Are they still sitting next to you?
Or are their voices just trapped in your head – playing on repeat?

“Here, Gee,” Mikey says. I hear a glass being placed on the table in front of me. The sound is dull and somewhat muted, so I know the glass is full.
Mikey takes my left hand and lifts it up. I feel my fingertips brush against something.
“Here’s the straw. It’s water.” I swallow once and realize how thirsty I actually am. My throat is completely dry – the dryness reaching up onto the back of my tongue and making my throat feel like it’s twisting around itself when I swallow.
I guide my lips towards my fingers, and luckily I manage to get the straw in between my lips on the first try, instead of getting it stuck in one of my nostrils like it’s happened too many times before.
The cool water trickles down my throat – untangling it and soothing it. It feels so good.
Suddenly a faint light sparkles into my eyes.
I saw that! I did!
I look towards where I saw it, but see nothing.
I swallow hard. Please, let me see it again? Please?
I don’t know who I’m begging to, but please? Please? I need this. I need to see.
But nothing happens. All I see is black – again.
Am I really seeing these things? Or is it all in my head? Is it just hope? Is it just the hope of seeing things that’s making me see? But if it is, then why do they disappear again? Why don’t they stay? Why don’t they stay and give me the hope that I need and fucking help me?
I mentally shake my head.
What the fuck am I talking about?
Shit! I’m going crazy for sure.
I begin drinking again – sucking the cool liquid up through the plastic.
Suddenly I see a faint light again – that same sparkle as before. I saw it!
The water. It must be reflecting some sort of light!
I move the straw a bit between my lips.
There! There is was again! I saw it! I can see something! I saw something! It’s a sparkle! I can see it. It’s like when the moonlight reflects into the dark ocean – little sparkles here and there in the darkness.
I lift my head.
But it all goes black again. It’s all gone – the sparkles; the hope.
“You okay, Gee?” Mikey asks, before he places a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I say – trying to sound as convincible as possible.
I can’t tell him – none of them. It’s nothing. A few vague, blurry, faint lights? It’s nothing. I still can’t see anything. I still can’t see.