Blinded
Nothing
I go to bed early. It’s not like I’m tired or anything, though. The other guys are probably more tired than me, seeing as they’ve been seeing things all day and their brains need to process it.
Me on the other hand, I’ve got nothing to process.
As I lie in my bunk, I listen to the other guys talk. They think they’re being quiet, but nothing is quiet to me anymore.
“You think he’s gonna be okay?” Ray sounds really tired.
“Sure. It’s just temporary. He’ll be fine in a week or two.” In a week or two. Bob makes it sound like absolutely nothing – like it’s minutes to him. But to me?
“He’s gotten through more than one addiction. He’ll get through this all fine.” But this is not an addiction, Mikey. This is something I can’t just turn my back to. This isn’t something I can just flush down the toilet and fight off.
It won’t go away.
Or my sight won’t come back? I’m not sure.
I hear a loud grunt, followed by everyone laughing – except for Frank. You can always hear his laughter in a crowd – those little squeals that sometimes escapes his lips.
“Fuck off,” I hear Frank mumble.
--
Just fifteen minutes later, I hear the last curtain being drawn shut, and the last set of snores erupt into the darkness.
The darkness.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Yup, that’s the title.
Not of my life though.
Eternal Darkness of the Decaying Mind might be a more fitting title.
I sigh deeply. I let a few tears tickle down across my temples and drip into my ears.
When a tear rolls into my ear and clogs it up, I squeeze my eyes shut to prevent more tears from escaping. Pull it together. Stop it.
I sigh deeply and let my eyelids relax.
Suddenly I see something. I think…
I reach a hand up in front of my eyes, and I feel my fingertips touch the fabric of my sheet while the roughness my bandages scratches against my chin.
When I run my hand over the sheets, I can suddenly see them. I can see something!
It’s the contrast of my sheets! I can see where the black starts and the white begins! I can see that line! And when I move my fingers over to the white part, I can see them. I can see the outline of my fingers!
It’s all so blurry and so vague, but I stare at it. I keep my fingers on the white of the sheets, and my eyes keep flickering back and forth between my fingers and the line.
I can see something! I can see something.
Me on the other hand, I’ve got nothing to process.
As I lie in my bunk, I listen to the other guys talk. They think they’re being quiet, but nothing is quiet to me anymore.
“You think he’s gonna be okay?” Ray sounds really tired.
“Sure. It’s just temporary. He’ll be fine in a week or two.” In a week or two. Bob makes it sound like absolutely nothing – like it’s minutes to him. But to me?
“He’s gotten through more than one addiction. He’ll get through this all fine.” But this is not an addiction, Mikey. This is something I can’t just turn my back to. This isn’t something I can just flush down the toilet and fight off.
It won’t go away.
Or my sight won’t come back? I’m not sure.
I hear a loud grunt, followed by everyone laughing – except for Frank. You can always hear his laughter in a crowd – those little squeals that sometimes escapes his lips.
“Fuck off,” I hear Frank mumble.
--
Just fifteen minutes later, I hear the last curtain being drawn shut, and the last set of snores erupt into the darkness.
The darkness.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Yup, that’s the title.
Not of my life though.
Eternal Darkness of the Decaying Mind might be a more fitting title.
I sigh deeply. I let a few tears tickle down across my temples and drip into my ears.
When a tear rolls into my ear and clogs it up, I squeeze my eyes shut to prevent more tears from escaping. Pull it together. Stop it.
I sigh deeply and let my eyelids relax.
Suddenly I see something. I think…
I reach a hand up in front of my eyes, and I feel my fingertips touch the fabric of my sheet while the roughness my bandages scratches against my chin.
When I run my hand over the sheets, I can suddenly see them. I can see something!
It’s the contrast of my sheets! I can see where the black starts and the white begins! I can see that line! And when I move my fingers over to the white part, I can see them. I can see the outline of my fingers!
It’s all so blurry and so vague, but I stare at it. I keep my fingers on the white of the sheets, and my eyes keep flickering back and forth between my fingers and the line.
I can see something! I can see something.
♠ ♠ ♠
The last line's got a bit of a "mad scientist"-feel to it...It's alive! It's aliiiive!!
Are you alive? I need to know that ya'll alive!!!