Blinded

I’m sitting on the couch in the lounge as the doctor finishes up wrapping both my hands in gaze. I feel stupid and embarrassed. And sad. I keep pouting. I don’t even know what I’m looking at – I’m just looking down. I’ve stopped crying. But I still want to – just let the tears stream silently down my cheeks.

“Okay, we’re done,” the doctor says, and he lets go of my hand. I don’t move my fingers. I don’t move at all.
“Just keep the bandages dry and clean. I’ll be back to change them once a day ‘til your hands start to get better.” I still don’t move or respond in any way. I feel so goddamn helpless! I can’t do anything.

“Thank you,” Ray says. For me, I guess. I guess I’m supposed to say that. But I can’t even see the doctor. I can’t see how he’s helped me. I can’t even be sure if he’s still here! I can’t see a fucking thing!
I want to see.
I can feel the sadness and my tears press against my chest, throat and eyeballs. It hurts. It burns. Like my hands. My now useless fucking hands!
I still need to pee.
I lift my head and suck in a breath as I prepare myself to speak, but then I realize how pathetic it is. ‘I have to pee.’ It’s the kind of thing you said to your mommy when you were two! I’m a fucking grown man! I can go to the bathroom myself!
But I can’t.

“What is it, Gee?” Mikey asks. I feel stupid again. I blink hard to keep the tears away.
I can feel a hand softly place itself on my knee. I look down at where I think Mikey’s eyes are. At least I think it’s Mikey who’s holding my knee.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I whisper – as low as I can. I know Mikey can hear me. When we were kids we’d sometimes lay in the same bed late at night and whisper secrets to each other in the dark. This memory helps me a bit right now.

“Okay,” he whispers – just as low. I smile at him. At least I hope I do.
His hand disappears from my knee, and I can hear his knees pop as he gets to his feet. He grabs a soft hold of my arm, and I get up and follow his lead. Soon we’re by the bathroom, and I can hear him flip open the lid. Or flip it down – not sure. He then guides me into the bathroom. I turn around and open my belt as I prepare myself to sit down, but then I stop. I’d have to wipe myself clean, and then I’d have to wash my hands – which I can’t.

“Mikes?”

“Yeah?” I feel awkward – asking my own brother to basically hold my cock and shake it afterwards.
I hold up my wrapped-up hands.

“I can’t wash my hands.” He’s silent for a little while. I’m not sure if he actually understands the dilemma, or if he just wonders how to solve it.

“Is it okay if I get one of the guys to…help you?” He sounds uncomfortable. I understand.

“Sure.” I feel so goddamn humiliated. I can’t even take a piss on my own anymore!
I can hear Mikey’s feet walk away, then his muffled voice. There’s silence, until someone answers. I’m not sure who. I can hear a new set of feet walking closer to me. I feel embarrassed.

“Hey, Gee,” Frank says. I smile vaguely – fake. He walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I blink a few thousand times to stop my eyes from tearing up.
“It’s okay, Gee. It’s okay to ask for help.” I feel so fucking pathetic!
“Here,” Frank pushes at my shoulders and turns me around. I can hear him flip the lid up.
“You can open your pants yourself, right?” His voice is slow and mocking, and I fucking love him for it! I smile genuinely – the first time this morning. Heck, the first time in two and a half days!
I pop open the button and pull down the zipper. Then I stop.
“Okay, I’m just gonna… uhm.” I suddenly feel his hand on my lower stomach. He slides it into my boxers and softly takes a hold of my cock. A dirty thought can’t help but cross my mind.
“Okay, just go.” I can hear him laugh lowly. I smile slightly. Then go.
I can hear water hit water, and I’m relieved. Even though it’s awkward.
I suddenly feel Frank’s breath on my neck. I swallow.
I feel it again and shiver. It’s so much easier to enjoy this when my eyes are already seeing nothing. And it’s easier to keep my eyes open and not to show how arousing it is. All I have to focus on is keeping my cock still. That should be fairly easy.
I feel a rush of blood surging dangerously close to… that area. Okay! Baseball fields! Baseball games! How about those Jackals? They’re doing…bad. But at least they look good doing it… But that pitcher sure throws a mean curve ball! Frank would look good in baseball-pants…
Okay! Cartoons! X-men! Starwars! Darth Vader! His dark voice… And light sabers! I’d love a light saber… And not those lame once you can get at a toy-store! No, the real kind! The kind that can cut your fucking head off!
“You done?” Frank’s question startles me slightly, but I stay still. I nod – too afraid to talk.
And then the worst possible thing happens: Frank shakes me. He shakes my cock! Fucking… Shit!
Okay! Stay cool! Stay calm! All I need to do is stay calm and perhaps stop my heart from beating so that no blood can rush any-fucking-where!
Frank tugs me back in my boxers. Then his breath disappears from my neck. I feel cold.
I swallow.

“Thank you,” I croak out. But it sounds less whiny then I thought it’d be.
I zip my pants up, button the button and close my belt. Then I step out of the bathroom.

“I’m just gonna wash my hands.”

“Yeah, sure.” I quickly step to the side to make way for him to get into the bathroom. The only problem is that I bump into something. I’m about to fall, when suddenly someone catches me. I assume it’s Frank. He helps me back up to my feet. My guess is that we’re extremely close, but how would I know?

“Seriously, you’ve gotta stop doing that!” He laughs slightly.
“If you hit another part of your head and lose your ability to speak, we’ll all be in deep shit!” I laugh a little, but then realize that that could actually happen. Fuck. Maybe I should just sit still in a fucking chair and not move until my sight returns. I mean, what if I do fall? I could kill myself! I could stumble on my way down a flight of stairs and fucking get killed!
“Hey, Gee. I was just kidding.” I look up at him. I mean. I look up at where I think his eyes are. Fuck! I need to see his eyes. I need to see the reassuring look in those beautiful, hazel eyes.
“Gee, just relax. Come on.” He pulls me into a hug. I’m gasping for air – short breaths entering my lungs at a time. I think I’m panicking a bit. I’m getting slightly dizzy.
“Shh.” Frank softly starts rubbing my back. It soothes me a bit. But I still need his eyes. Those beautiful wooden colors in them staring at me.
I pull back.
I can’t see them.
I need them.
I need him.
I’m about to leap forward, but I have no idea where to go. I feel my stomach turn.

“Kiss me,” I whisper. I feel my breath return to my lips, and I know Frank is close.

“What?” he whispers back. His breath hits my jaw.

“Kiss me! Please?” I beg – whine.
Suddenly his lips crashes onto mine, and I quickly press back – wanting to feel him more than ever. I can’t see him. I have to feel him.
I reach out and grab a hold of his waist. I then let my arm snake around his lower back and pull him closer to me. I need him. I need to feel him so much. I need to feel him so close. I need to know he’s still here.
I’m amazed that he’s able to move his lips, considering the amount of force there’s between us. Is this a good thing? Should we be doing this? Should I be kissing my best friend? Oh fuck, what am I doing?
I pull away and gasp for my breath. Then I immediately miss it. Him. How close we just were.
I pull him in for a tight, tight hug. I need to feel him so close. I need him so close. I can’t be alone! Don’t leave me alone!
“Don’t leave me,” I whine out loud – surprising myself. I gasp for my breath again. Suddenly I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

“I won’t. I’ll never leave you,” Frank whispers back and holds me tight – so fucking tight. God, I love him. Wait, what? Do I? I mean, sure I do. But… More? More than usual? More than before?
I hug him tight. Why am I so fucking blind? In every fucking way!