Just Hate Me and We'll End It Here
Brighten Up
Bailey
Brother?
As in…. brother? Alex had a brother? Since when? What happened? My heart tightens as questions start swirling all over in my mind, and I have to try hard to cut them off and away. I take a level breath of air, and step forward, to read the marker. “Daniel Markus Gaskarth, September 5, 1985- June 27, 2001. Beloved big brother, son, and best friend. You’ll be in our hearts always.” I take in a sharp breath of air. “I’m sorry.” I manage after a minute. “I… didn’t know.”
Hands in his pockets, he turns to me. His eyes gaze straight into mine from beneath his hair. His deep eyes are light in the morning and seem to pierce my very soul, but I can’t for the life of me pull away this time. “I know,” he says simply, shrugging. “I never said anything. Maybe I should have, but… It doesn’t matter. He’s still gone.”
“Can I…. What happened?” I offer awkwardly.
“Suicide.” He frowns a little, looking away from me, past me and off into the distance, as though he’s looking into the past and all of his memories, how everything happened. Then he licks his lips and his eyes meet mine again. “And I’ve made peace with him.”
My heart drops and it feels like his death all over again, like I’ve lost everything immediately all over again, and it hurts. Because I understand what he’s saying. Swallowing, I kneel at this Dan’s grave. My finger traces the words and quietly Alexander crouches by my side, watching me in silence, waiting for something, for some response obviously.
“You know…” my voice threatens to break and I swallow hard. “We- we never found his body.” My voice is already shaky, recalling the past. “I- I was the last one, to see him alive. I saw the last breath he took. He- he was looking right at me, his eyes wide open, when… when…” I take a shaky breath and bite my lip.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Alexander offers.
I slowly begin shaking my head, but pause, contemplating it. At the moment, I know he’s not referring to the death, but to my dreams, to my nightmares that continue to haunt me now and then. I’d so hoped they were gone forever, having gone a month without them… but they had returned.
“I…” I swallow. “I’m back there, that night. So dark and cold. But… but I lost him, in the dream, somehow. We were always together, but… then we weren’t. It always felt like a piece of me was missing then, you know. So I start looking for him, everywhere, but the place seems to grow. Then I start to find him, but he’s still too far, still just out of reach.” I clear my throat unevenly. “I’d promised him, you know,” I confess and peak a glance up. “I’d always be there. I’d protect him, and save him. I promised. That- that’s what he lived on, the promise…and…” I struggle to take a deep breath.
“You failed him,” he finishes softly.
I sniff, nodding and refusing to look his way. “Yeah, pretty much.” After a minute, I quickly wipe away a stray tear. Clearing my throat, I hurriedly stand as Alex does the same. “Can we go now?”
He nods and leads me out, back to the car and back onto the road for a silent ride. I stay pressed in my seat, close to the window, as far away from Alex as possible, unable to look his way.
For some reason, I seem to feel embarrassed and ashamed… but- I still don’t understand why I actually told Alex the truth. I’d been so dead-set against it… I frown. The stupid scumbag has some trick that seems to make me keep confessing and everything.
That makes my heart skip a beat- in fear this time. What if I did confess everything? What if- what if I told him everything? My past- the entire truth? What if he somehow found out or something?! How could I possibly manage that? And I’m already telling him so much, soon- too soon. I nearly choke up in fear and frustration. This isn’t good!
“Bay?”
I jump, startled and look over and Alex. That’s when I realize the car has stopped and he’s standing out, leaning in, giving me a cautious look. But… I look around again, slightly confused, and find that we are at IHOP.
“Let’s get something to eat, it’s been a while,” he says, shutting his door and coming around to open mine.
“I… but I’m not wearing shoes,” I protest weakly.
“I’ll carry you in,” he offers.
Scowling slightly- but somehow not really meaning it at the moment anymore- I step out and he shuts the car door behind me, leading me into the place. We get some seats and soon some coffee comes our way.
“And what can I get you two this morning?” Chirps the waitress.
“I’m fine,” I keep staring down at my coffee, fiddling with the straw.
“I’ll have two buttermilk pancakes with strawberries, plus a side of sausage and eggs. She’ll have the same, but make it hashbrowns instead of sausage, please,” Alex speaks for me.
Posh.
“I’m not hungry,” I feel like I’m repeating myself, glancing up at him as the waitress leaves with the order.
“You will be,” he says, leaning forward slightly. “Now brighten up, okay? Life isn’t meant to be miserable.”
I just frown at him and look away. I hate it when other people are right. Especially him. And especially when he’s right twice in a row. Ugh, I hate his guts. The moment our waitress returns with our plates, my stomach growls slightly and he smirks triumphantly. I scowl at him and my plate is set down in front of me.
Slowly I consider not eating it, just to spite him and everything… but stupid restaurant, it smells too good! After a minute, I sigh and slowly pick up my knife and fork. Cautiously glancing at the man across from me, I see a smirk on his face as he ducks beneath his hair. I frown and struggle to ignore it as I bite into my food.
At one point, Alex casually reaches over, grabbing some of my hash browns, so after a minute I take a piece of his sausage, and it’s like a silent agreement between the two of us not to say anything about it. Strangely enough also, I don’t actually care. I mean, I like both foods, as does he… and it’s just fine. Like… we’re friends.
The idea unsettles me. This Alexander Gaskarth keeps throwing me off balance and I feel like I’m continually dangling for my life- and while it scares me to death… it also seems to thrill me
Brother?
As in…. brother? Alex had a brother? Since when? What happened? My heart tightens as questions start swirling all over in my mind, and I have to try hard to cut them off and away. I take a level breath of air, and step forward, to read the marker. “Daniel Markus Gaskarth, September 5, 1985- June 27, 2001. Beloved big brother, son, and best friend. You’ll be in our hearts always.” I take in a sharp breath of air. “I’m sorry.” I manage after a minute. “I… didn’t know.”
Hands in his pockets, he turns to me. His eyes gaze straight into mine from beneath his hair. His deep eyes are light in the morning and seem to pierce my very soul, but I can’t for the life of me pull away this time. “I know,” he says simply, shrugging. “I never said anything. Maybe I should have, but… It doesn’t matter. He’s still gone.”
“Can I…. What happened?” I offer awkwardly.
“Suicide.” He frowns a little, looking away from me, past me and off into the distance, as though he’s looking into the past and all of his memories, how everything happened. Then he licks his lips and his eyes meet mine again. “And I’ve made peace with him.”
My heart drops and it feels like his death all over again, like I’ve lost everything immediately all over again, and it hurts. Because I understand what he’s saying. Swallowing, I kneel at this Dan’s grave. My finger traces the words and quietly Alexander crouches by my side, watching me in silence, waiting for something, for some response obviously.
“You know…” my voice threatens to break and I swallow hard. “We- we never found his body.” My voice is already shaky, recalling the past. “I- I was the last one, to see him alive. I saw the last breath he took. He- he was looking right at me, his eyes wide open, when… when…” I take a shaky breath and bite my lip.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Alexander offers.
I slowly begin shaking my head, but pause, contemplating it. At the moment, I know he’s not referring to the death, but to my dreams, to my nightmares that continue to haunt me now and then. I’d so hoped they were gone forever, having gone a month without them… but they had returned.
“I…” I swallow. “I’m back there, that night. So dark and cold. But… but I lost him, in the dream, somehow. We were always together, but… then we weren’t. It always felt like a piece of me was missing then, you know. So I start looking for him, everywhere, but the place seems to grow. Then I start to find him, but he’s still too far, still just out of reach.” I clear my throat unevenly. “I’d promised him, you know,” I confess and peak a glance up. “I’d always be there. I’d protect him, and save him. I promised. That- that’s what he lived on, the promise…and…” I struggle to take a deep breath.
“You failed him,” he finishes softly.
I sniff, nodding and refusing to look his way. “Yeah, pretty much.” After a minute, I quickly wipe away a stray tear. Clearing my throat, I hurriedly stand as Alex does the same. “Can we go now?”
He nods and leads me out, back to the car and back onto the road for a silent ride. I stay pressed in my seat, close to the window, as far away from Alex as possible, unable to look his way.
For some reason, I seem to feel embarrassed and ashamed… but- I still don’t understand why I actually told Alex the truth. I’d been so dead-set against it… I frown. The stupid scumbag has some trick that seems to make me keep confessing and everything.
That makes my heart skip a beat- in fear this time. What if I did confess everything? What if- what if I told him everything? My past- the entire truth? What if he somehow found out or something?! How could I possibly manage that? And I’m already telling him so much, soon- too soon. I nearly choke up in fear and frustration. This isn’t good!
“Bay?”
I jump, startled and look over and Alex. That’s when I realize the car has stopped and he’s standing out, leaning in, giving me a cautious look. But… I look around again, slightly confused, and find that we are at IHOP.
“Let’s get something to eat, it’s been a while,” he says, shutting his door and coming around to open mine.
“I… but I’m not wearing shoes,” I protest weakly.
“I’ll carry you in,” he offers.
Scowling slightly- but somehow not really meaning it at the moment anymore- I step out and he shuts the car door behind me, leading me into the place. We get some seats and soon some coffee comes our way.
“And what can I get you two this morning?” Chirps the waitress.
“I’m fine,” I keep staring down at my coffee, fiddling with the straw.
“I’ll have two buttermilk pancakes with strawberries, plus a side of sausage and eggs. She’ll have the same, but make it hashbrowns instead of sausage, please,” Alex speaks for me.
Posh.
“I’m not hungry,” I feel like I’m repeating myself, glancing up at him as the waitress leaves with the order.
“You will be,” he says, leaning forward slightly. “Now brighten up, okay? Life isn’t meant to be miserable.”
I just frown at him and look away. I hate it when other people are right. Especially him. And especially when he’s right twice in a row. Ugh, I hate his guts. The moment our waitress returns with our plates, my stomach growls slightly and he smirks triumphantly. I scowl at him and my plate is set down in front of me.
Slowly I consider not eating it, just to spite him and everything… but stupid restaurant, it smells too good! After a minute, I sigh and slowly pick up my knife and fork. Cautiously glancing at the man across from me, I see a smirk on his face as he ducks beneath his hair. I frown and struggle to ignore it as I bite into my food.
At one point, Alex casually reaches over, grabbing some of my hash browns, so after a minute I take a piece of his sausage, and it’s like a silent agreement between the two of us not to say anything about it. Strangely enough also, I don’t actually care. I mean, I like both foods, as does he… and it’s just fine. Like… we’re friends.
The idea unsettles me. This Alexander Gaskarth keeps throwing me off balance and I feel like I’m continually dangling for my life- and while it scares me to death… it also seems to thrill me
♠ ♠ ♠
As for Alex's brother- yes, his brother really did die. Suicide, I believe it was. However, I couldn't find anything real or positive about names or dates or anything. I looked all over the net, but the names or nothing [except for suicide] was the same. Two accounts said his dad's name was Peter and his brother was Daniel. I could be wrong [wouldn't be the first time] but until Alex Gaskarth tells me himself [which would be pretty neat, actually....], I'm going to keep it like this, okay? Sorry if I offend you- and thank you... I think your username is something like good.girl.gone.bad. ? but yeah. Nice of you to mention some facts, so thanks. But it's kinda changed every time I've heard about it, so. yeah. thats all :)