Just Hate Me and We'll End It Here

Bailey

My laughter subsides with a sigh and I rub my face a little, making a little face as I’m reminded of all the stupid make-up I happen to be wearing. I glance down at my clothes wincing. Well, at least I got to wear some black, I remind myself. It just sucks that she shops so fast! She made me buy [mostly with her money] at least four bags of things, plus what she made me wear once we were heading home.

“Well,” Alex finally offers as he sits up across from me. “Good thing is, you still look great,” he offers with a smile.

I look at him in surprise, shocked at his words- they’re the last words I would have expected. “Oh,” I finally manage. “Um, well… thanks, then.”

He chuckles and stands up, then holds out a hand to help me. I’m still wearing my new heels so it’s a little harder but I manage- and I realize I’m closer to his height now. Not that much, but an improvement, you could say.

Looking away, I clear my throat and clear my mind, stepping away from his chest. “So…” I trail off. “Uh…”

Alex scratches his head. “So, what else did you get?” He offers.

“You don’t want to know,” I roll my eyes and sit down on the edge of the bed. “See this?” I point at the blouse and black pants. “She barely let me get anything that I actually liked looking at.”

He shrugs, pulling the bags over and sitting down next to me. “Then I’ll get the receipt and we can probably return them before we leave, or at the same shop back home, not a problem. Now, here we’ve got…”

Then we randomly chat about the clothes I’ve gotten. Includes a black and white checkered button-up dress with sleeves and belt, black boots, white heels, a pink dress and several more blouses.

Alex has a good time laughing about the pink dress. Not that I really blame him. Just the thought of me, wearing a dress like that, was just… not going to happen. Still, he did agree to help me return most of the merchandise, and that helped things out.

Done with that, I step into the bathroom and quickly change. Grabbing my clothes, I start brushing my teeth and put my clothes away, wearing only a t-shirt and my plaid boxer shorts again. Alex turns from fiddling with an old notebook and grins, looking at me.

I frown. “Wha?” I ask, my mouth fiddled with toothpaste.

“That’s my shirt,” he points out.

I look down in surprise. It’s bright blue, and says All Time Low Pwns in bright yellow, with neon orange, green, and pink fireworks and doodles behind. “Oh…sowwy,” I mumble. “I’ll change…”

“No, no,” he shakes his head grinning impishly. “It’s cool. You look better in it than I do, anyways.” He gives a little wink and turns back to his notebook, softly humming.

A faint blush arises but I try to brush it off and quietly with a tiny smile on my lips, I put my things away and continue brushing my teeth, unable to stop glancing at him now and then, even if I wanted to… I finish up in the bathroom and climb into bed as Alex heads into the bathroom to do the same.

He hesitates upon returning, and carefully climbs into the bed next to me, cautious as though I might kick him out… well, he’s good sense. You never know, after all. “So,” he murmurs as I slink under the comfortable covers. “Excited to go back home?”

I consider it for a moment. “I’ve never really had much of a home, but yes,” I answer honestly. “It’ll be good, going back. Especially because your parents wont be here,” I point out.

Alex chuckles. “I should be offended, you know… but I’m not,” he shrugs and turns off the lamp, putting us into darkness. “Night, Bay.”

My eyes flutter closed as I feel him winding one of his fingers in my long hair, loose again for sleep. “Good night, Alex.” And slowly my eyes close and I’m wrapped into the normal dreamless sleep I welcome so much.

Upon first waking, it’s not my eyes that open but it’s the fingers that are tracing the outline of my face that makes me stir. Blinking blurrily in the bright light, I realize that Alex is propped up, sort of over me, and his cool fingers are what’s tracing my face. He smiles sheepishly and pulls his hand back, though just lays it on my shoulder. Sleep drifts off me like water as I yawn. “Normally I’d be freaked out,” I mumble, “waking up to that.”

“But you liked it when I did it,” he wiggles his eyebrows, saying the unsaid.

Ehm. That is, saying the, uh…. The um…. Un- un… unreal. Yeah, that’s it. I clear my throat and roll my eyes. “Say what you like, band boy. But I’m going to get up, and I expect you not to stare at me for the time being, okay?”

“Band boy?” He says with an amused smile. “Is that some pet name?”

I pause, looking at him blankly. My heart thuds with sudden recognition, but I force it down for the moment, to respond. “No, it’s what you are, Alex. I don’t believe in pet names or any of that crap.”

He just watches me as I collect some clothes and enter the bathroom to change. After shifting into a plaid shirt over a black tank and dark skinny jeans, I look at myself in the mirror. Long, thick black hair. Dark gray-green eyes. Skin forever changing from pale to tan, with a few freckles. A small scar near my eyebrow…

Taking a shuddering breath, I look down, my hands grasping tightly to the tile sink. I shake my head softly, tightly shutting my eyes, trying to block out everything. If only I could!

Pet names.

You liked it when I did.

“No,” my eyes are closed as the word comes out like a shuddering breath. “No. No. No. NO.” I slam my fist across the counter, praying the pain will return me to my senses.

“Bay?” Alex’s voice comes, a little concerned.

“I’m fine, just- just a bug,” I lie. Then I swallow and frowning, I look in the mirror. I glare at my reflection. “It’s nothing,” I mutter softly to myself, and then stand up straight, level, and brush my hair back.

It has to be nothing. I won’t let myself get caught up in this. I can’t. It’s just another web I’d weave that would tangle me all up, and it would kill me. And my heart. I won’t do this. I can’t love him. I CAN’T.