Just Hate Me and We'll End It Here

Alex

I scratch my head, somewhat confused. Seriously, bugs aren’t that big. And if they are? Last week she found one in the morning and screamed, cursed, and broke a plate, trying to kill it from across the kitchen. Then she ran upstairs and avoided the kitchen until I swore that it was gone and everything was cleaned up, no bug germs.

The door opens.

Perking up, I sit up straighter on the bed, seeing her step out. She’s fiddling with her hair, and catches me glancing at her. Instead of saying something or anything, though, she shrugs and turns away, proceeding to put her clothes away and begin packing, seeing as we’d be leaving in a few hours.

“You okay?” I offer.

“Hm?” she turns quickly and blinks blankly. “Oh, yeah. Of course.” She gives a sharp short nod and turns back to concentrating hard on cleaning up… but the harder she tries to do everything, the clumsier she gets and every few seconds she’s spouting off curses.

Slowly and dejectedly I make my way into the bathroom, and change, giving her the obvious privacy she wants. I run my hands through my hair and then to help me wake up more, I wash my face.

Droplets of water dripping from my face, I look into the mirror, frowning slightly. Did I do something? She was fine, absolutely fine with all of this, being happier and being bright and bubbly and more amazing than ever, and then… what? Is it because she obviously let down her guard? Is she not allowed to have fun or something?

Love, the little voice in the back of my mind whispers to me. Slowly I wash my face, trying to connect the two situations, and then it finally dawns on me.

She’s trying to stop us from ever forming…. But why? I frown, leaning against the sink thoughtfully. Why? I mean, love’s…. love’s awesome, it’s great. Thrilling, like a roller coaster and, and exciting and amazing! So you’re putting down your shields- but it’s by letting someone in, it’s trusting that the special someone has your heart in their hands- but loves you and won’t hurt you.

That’s it, I suddenly realize after a minute of my mind wandering through… stuff. That’s when I come up with the plan.

She’s going to fall in love.

With me, of course.

And she’s going to stay that way.

And hopefully really like it.

I grin to myself, pumping my fist in the air. That’s it! I brush my teeth, humming and then I finish and step out, seeing Bay is not here- nor is her stuff. Downstairs, then…ouch, I inwardly wince. Right now, she’d rather be trapped by her parents, than in the room with me.

Yeah, ouch.

Sighing, I rub my face and try to come to my senses a little better. I collect my things, shoving them in my bag, and tidy up the room a little, even though mom’ll probably do that. Then I shove the bags out and step outside of my childhood room.

“Bay?” I ask in surprise suddenly, seeing her staring thoughtfully at the door- Dan’s door- and her fingers tracing along the ridges.

She jumps with a little surprised gasp, hearing my voice. Eyes wide, she sees me, then gives a small nod, calming down. “Oh, sorry,” she murmurs. “I was just… well, yeah,” her gaze absently falls back to the closed door, her hands twitching at her sides.

We stand there for a minute, her avoiding my gaze and I looking straight at her thoughtfully, considering. “Would you like to see it?” I finally offer.

Tentatively she brings her eyes with me. “If- if that’s okay,” she mutters, twisting her fingers in front of her, biting her bottom lip slightly.

I nod. Putting down my bags, I walk past her and open the door for her quietly and soberly. “Come on in. Nothing’s changed,” I add. “Mom dusts, but otherwise everything is left just as it is.”

Her fingers fumble with her long wavy hair as her eyes gaze around thoughtfully, looking around at the walls, posters, pictures, bookcase, dresser, bed, everything here. I watch her from the doorway, closing the door so she can see it all, observing what sinks in.

“Jake would’ve liked this,” she manages to choke out, wrapping her arms around herself, looking closer at the photos taped above the bed, standing on the other side of it than myself. Probably purposefully staying as far away as possible. “I would have liked him having all this. Growing up,” she murmurs to herself, thoughtfully, not once looking at me, but as though she’s in her own world.

Keeping my peace, I watch her as she continues slowly walking around the room, just internally feeling everything, and finally she steps forward towards me and the door. Nodding softly, I open the door for her and with a sigh, she steps out and begins down the stairs.

Mom gives us an innocent placent smile as we trickle down the steps, carrying all of our luggage. “Must you go?” She sighs. “We’ve had such a joy with you two children here. Maybe a few more days?”

“Sorry, ma,” I shake my head. “We’ve both got jobs to get back.”

“Oh, your jobs aren’t that big or important,” she says with a slight frown.

I have to stop myself from saying anything I might regret. “They are to us,” I say firmly. “Okay? Now would you like to drive us to the airport, or do we need to get a taxi?”

“If I must,” she gives a long moaning sigh, calling to dad in the den. “Honey dear! It’s time to take the kids back to the airport. Let’s be going.” And after a few minutes, our bags are in the back and we’re quietly- except for my chattering mother- driving towards the airport.