Do You Love Me?

I sat there motionless on the white wooden coloured chair staring at the body that lay right before my very own eyes. I tried my best to get up from where I was sat and take a look at the peaceful face that had its eyes closed for never to open to them ever again. But I could not bare to get myself too, my heart ached tremendously, words could not even be able describe how I felt at this very moment in my life.

Staring at my hands on my knees I realised that they were shaking like they had never shook before. As if though, a bolt of electricity had begun to surge its way through my body. He wanted to give me a surprise by coming a day earlier but a freak accident took him away to a different world altogether.

What was there for me to left to do but just sit here and try to take it all in, it was hard. I was trying to calm myself down, and it was working. He would never of wanted me to mourn over him. I knew him that well to realise that a long time ago. He was an angel and now he was in his rightful place, his home with the rest of the angels up above somewhere in the sky.

“We need to take him away now,” I looked up where the voice had come from, “please leave the room,” the nurse asked rather politely, sending a sympathetic smile towards me.

I stood up and gave her a slight nod and gradually made my way out of the room and into the waiting room where the faces of my family faced me. Even my loved ones back in Florida had managed to catch the first flight here. Carol, Rae, Jaee and Karen. They were all here to support me in this hardest time in our lives.

“I’m okay.” I whispered to all of them.

It was the truth, I was okay but I do not think anyone of them realised the fact that I was actually telling them all the truth. “He is in a better place now.” Karen said trying to break the awkward silence that was rising up in the atmosphere.

I gave her a smile, “I know.” I said replying.

“We were thinking…” Rae began, “it would really mean a lot to him if you said a few words at his funeral.” She informed me.

I shot her the most dirtiest look one could ever send another person, “you mean…the celebration of his life.” I said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, that is what I really meant.” She answered, lowering her gaze from my face.

I looked at Jaee; she was completely silent staring aimlessly at the blank white washed wall before her. Drew was like a brother to her and so they happened to be really close, it ached me to see her hurting like this. I was not the only person in this world who had lost someone today, there were others.

His family and other friends too, so I did not understand why everyone was trying to comfort me and not the others. This thought just kept on confusing me even further.

“Where are Mister and Mrs Warrington?” I asked everyone about Drew’s parents. They should be here with their son.

Denise put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed them ever so tightly; “they have gone to a nearby church to discuss the arrangements with a priest.” She informed me which confused me even more.

“What do you mean a nearby church?” I questioned out of curiosity, “I’m confused isn’t Drew going to be rested in Florida?” I asked her.

“No.” Denise replied rather quietly, “his wish was always to be buried in LA where…where you were.” She managed to add after a few moments of hesitation.

I could not help myself but smile at the very thought of it, it felt really warm inside to realise that there really was someone who loved me so much that words could not even describe. Some would call me crazy for smiling and thinking about such things at this particular moment. However, like I mentioned before I knew my Drew too well to realise that he would want me to celebrate his life and to celebrate the special bond we shared and not to sit in a corner each day and cry over him.

Don’t get me wrong, I was upset, I was aching inside like hell but I didn’t want to show the others that. I took a deep breath in and asked Joe to take me home, the atmosphere at the hospital had somewhat started to make me feel slightly disturbed.

The car ride home was in complete silence, normally Joe would never even think about not talking. His mind was just so full of things he just seemed to have to get it all out of his system. I hated the deadly silence we were all now trapped within, it sent shivers down my spine. I didn’t want any kind of special treatment from anybody and I think that now what had happened everyone would start to treat me in a different way and I really didn’t want that.

“You are taking this pretty well,” Joe finally said a word once he parked the car carefully in the driveway, “I thought if something ever like this occurred you would literally go mental…” he told me what went through his mind at the very moment. “Are you okay though?” he asked me once again very politely.

I gave him a nod, “I’ll be fine,” I replied and stepped out of the car. “You should go back to the hospital and get the others,” I told Joe and waved him goodbye, “I’ll be okay on my own,” I tried to reassure him.

Stepping into my bedroom I sat down on my bed, I could now feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. I once again took a deep breath, I really didn’t want to cry. I wanted to feel brave and prove to everybody else that I was capable of look after myself. But deep down I knew for a fact that I was completely lost without my Drew and that it was going to be really hard for me to move on.

“It’s okay to cry,” I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me, it was Garbo.

“How did you get in?” I asked him, surprised.

“You left the front door open,” he replied stepping towards me, “I heard what happened and I am so sorry Jai. I wish I could do something to help…” he said biting his lip hard.

I couldn’t help it, nor could my own tears they had now begun to flow out of my eyes at the full speed. “He’s gone and he’s not coming back!” I cried hard as the events that had recently taken place, began to finally sink in.

Garbo tilted my chin upwards with the tip of his fingers, “look at me Jai, you are better than this. You know perfectly well that every human being has to leave this Earth someday…it’s going to be okay.” He hugged me tightly, “I’m going to help you get through this. I promise.” He said staring into my eyes.

“But you can’t bring my Drew back,” I answered him, bitterly.

“I know,” he replied, “but I think I can be able to replace him.” He said and with that he gently placed his lips upon my own.