Stay Still

"You're what?!" My sister screamed when I told her what I was planning to do.

I knew she had heard me but I decided to repeat myself for emphasis. "I'm going to Vegas. I'm gonna stay with Craig for a while. I already talked to Brittany and she's fine with it. In fact she’s going to come with me." I told her again.

Acacia collapsed onto the couch next to me. "But why?" she asked, turning to face me.

"Because I can't take it anymore! I need time to gather my thoughts and to heal my heart and they need time to get over me."

She looked skeptical. "As if that's going to happen. You know how much you mean to them. The only thing this is going to do is hurt them."

"Maybe, but I have to try. Even if it is completely selfish, I need to do this." I said sadly.

My sister sighed her 'I hate it when I can't convince someone they're being stupid' sigh. "Okay fine. When are you leaving?" she asked.

"As soon as possible. Like tomorrow." I said.

"I have to work tomorrow so I can't bring you guys to the airport but I don't think Beau is doing anything. Want me to ask him for you?" she asked. I shrugged and nodded so she got up and walked away. He had been staying with them for the past couple months. At the moment he was out back with Jared grilling some steaks. Madi was napping. I still hadn’t figured out what Beau had wanted to say that night so many months ago. He never said anything about it and so I sort of forgot about it. He was a real sweetheart and lots of fun. Whenever I hung out with him we always ended up doing some really random. Like yesterday we had gone for what was supposed to be a normal bike ride. We ended up stopping at the lake and going for a swim in our underwear. It had been the perfect thing to get my mind off of Matt and Eric. As we’d sat on the bank, drying off, I told him all about my problems and what I was planning to do. He also told me it was selfish and I was going to hurt them. He agreed though that I had to do something and he couldn’t think of a better idea. So he had not succeeded in changing my mind. I was worried though. Everyone thought it was a bad idea, so why was I going through with it?

As soon as the question came into my mind, so did the answer. I was going through with it because I had no other option. Because if I didn’t I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. I needed to get away. Maybe I was running away from my problems instead of fixing them but it was the only thing I could do.

“Hey, Acacia says you need a ride tomorrow?” Beau said as he came and sat next to me.

“Yeah, if you don’t have anything to do.” I replied.

“When do I ever have anything I need to do?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“That’s right. What was I thinking?” I teased, poking him in the rib. He grabbed my hand and held it.

“Actually, to be honest, Acacia told me to come in here and convince you to stay.” He confessed. I stared at our joined hands and wondered how he was planning on doing that. He didn’t let me wonder for too long as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I was so caught off guard I couldn’t move. Even if I could move I wouldn’t know what to do. Should I kiss him back or should I pull away? I couldn’t decide so I just sat there and let him kiss me. After a few seconds he pulled back. “You could kiss me back you know.” He said, grinning at me.

I huffed. “What was that about?”

“I think you know.”

Well if that wasn’t cryptic, I don’t know what is. I hated it when guys did that. Why could they never just say how they feel instead of just assuming you already know?

“I don’t know Beau. I’m actually really confused so it would be really great if you could explain it.”

He took both my hands and stared into my eyes. “I like you Rachel. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. There’s your other option. Forget the two of them and be with me. I would never kiss anyone else, fucked up or not. I’d never make you feel so guilty you couldn’t stand to be around me. And I would never get jealous of you spending time with other people. All I would do is make sure you were happy. No matter what.” He stopped and looked at me with those big eyes of his. I didn’t know what to say. “I know you might not feel the same way now but if you stayed I would make you see how being with me would be better for you. Just think about it. Sleep on it alright?”

“Beau, I don’t know. I like you but I can’t…” I stopped. I couldn’t do this. Instead of giving me a reason to stay he had just given me another one to go. “I’m sorry. I have to do this. Now more than ever. Don’t worry about taking us tomorrow. I’ll get Heather to do it.” With that, I got up and went to find my sister. I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone and I couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye to her. I found her sitting on Jared’s lap in the backyard.

“So? Are you staying?” she asked.

I looked at her incredulously. “No. In fact I’m now more convinced I need to leave. So you’re plan didn’t work. Sorry. I came out here to say goodbye.” I told her smugly. I was going to miss her but I couldn’t help feeling a bit glad that her ‘brilliant’ plan backfired on her. She shouldn’t have tried in the first place.

She sighed. “Fine. Do what you want. Obviously you’re not going to listen to anything I say anyway, as usual.” She got up and pulled me into a tight hug. “Be good. Don’t let Brittany do anything weird to Craig while you’re around. And don’t sleep with Max.” She advised. I laughed. Max was one of Craig’s best friends and new band mates.

“I’m not going to be sleeping with anyone. Don’t worry.” I told her as she released me. Jared stood up and enveloped me in his long arms.

“I love you kiddo and don’t worry about those two. I’ll whip ‘em into shape so you can come home.” He whispered in my ear.

I smiled up at him. “Thank Jare. Love you too.”

“Call me when you get there!” Acacia called after me as I walked towards my car.

I waved my hand over my shoulder and continued walking.