Falling Dumb Into Desire

As the voices downstairs rose to the point of yelling for seemingly the hundredth time tonight, I tightened my hand around Johno's arm, while simultaneously burying my face deeper into my boyfriend's chest. Sighing softly, my cousin muttered a few words of comfort before gently pulling his arm out of my grasp.

"Madison, I'm gonna run out and grab us something for dinner, okay?" He said. "I want you to stay in here with Kennedy. Don't even think about going downstairs, you hear me?"

I muttered a faint 'okay' in response.

"Give me a hug," he ordered, and without waiting for me to move my body, he turned my body around so that I was now facing him.

After examining me momentarily, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Releasing Kennedy's hand, I hugged him back as tightly as I could and then took a deep breath before letting it out in a weak sigh. We stayed in this embrace for a good minute or so before John pulled away slightly and then cupped my face gently in his hands. As his gaze flicked over the red spot on my cheek where my dad had hit me, anger flared up in his eyes briefly but then it melted away into his usual thoughtful look.

"I love you, Maddi," he said before kissing my forehead gently.

"Love you, too." I mumbled.

My cousin looked over me once more, and then glanced momentarily at Kennedy before he took off. As he shut the door quietly behind him, I rolled over onto my side so that I was facing my boyfriend. He didn't say anything as he laced his fingers with mine, but rather kept his hazel eyes on trained on the sight of our hands. What I wouldn’t give to know exactly what was going through his head at the moment.

Was he thinking about the incident in the kitchen where my father had slapped me? Was he thinking about what he did a few seconds later when he pulled me protectively behind him and punched my dad? Was he thinking that maybe ... just maybe ... he would be better of if he just break things off with me? The girl with the messed up family, who clung to pieces of her life as they desperately tried to go their own separate ways, the girl who can't even spend the night with her boyfriend without some sort of side effect.

"Madison?" He whispered.

"Hmm?"

With his gaze still on our hands, he remained silent for a few seconds.

"I don't know what to do." He said softly. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"About what?" I asked, confused as to what he was talking about.

"About this whole thing," he said, "I feel like I should be doing something to make things better but," he paused momentarily, licking his lips, "but I don't know what to do. Tell me what you want me to do." He repeated.

"Honestly," I whispered, "the only thing I want you to do is hold me close, and tell me that you love me, but only if you truly mean it, Kennedy."

As I said this, his eyes finally found their way to mine, and I was slightly taken aback when I saw the hurt in them.

"Why would I ever tell you that I love you, and not mean it?" He asked. "Is that what you think I've been doing this whole time?"

"No," I muttered, "it's just ... you've seen so much behind the scenes of my home life, I'm afraid that one day you'll just decide that you don't want anything to do with me anymore." I said sadly.

"Madison, sweetheart, believe me when I tell you that there's absolutely nothing that could get me to change the way I feel about you." He whispered sincerely. "I love you."

Knowing that a boy like Kennedy Brock would never lie to my face about something as serious as this, I felt a twinge of guilt for ever doubting him. A strange wave of emotion fell upon me, and before I realized what was happening, Kennedy had pulled me onto his lap and was trying to wipe the tears that were falling from my eyes.

"Sweetheart, what is it?" He asked sadly. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "my emotions have just been all out of whack today. This is fucking ridiculous."

"Oh," he mumbled, "for a second there I thought that I might have said something wrong."

"I guess I just felt bad for doubting you." I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he replied, "just don't do it again," he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled weakly in response and then stood up. With a questioning look, Kennedy eyed me as I began to pace around John's room, thinking to myself.

After about five minutes of silence, Kennedy couldn't take it anymore, and spoke up. "Babe? Are you okay?" He questioned.

I stopped my pacing, and then went to stand in front of him. "I have something to tell you," I said, "and I think ... I think I have something to ask you too."

"Oh, okay." He said slowly.

"I found an apartment." I blurted out. "It's on the other side of town, maybe about a half a mile from the school so it's in a good neighborhood. It's a two bedroom, two bath place, with onsite laundry ... it's mine as soon as I go in and sign the paperwork."

The worried expression on Kennedy's face relaxed, and a happy smile pulled across his lips. "That's great, Maddi," he said. "When are you gonna go in and sign for it?"

"Probably as soon as I get all my things packed." I muttered. "But, I've just been doing some thinking and," I paused, taking a deep breath to gather up my courage to ask what I wanted to ask.

"And?" Kennedy encouraged.

"And ... well ... I was thinking maybe you'd want to move in with me." I said. "I mean, I know we haven't been together that long, but, I just thought ... " I trailed off, knowing that if I continued to talk, before long none of my words would make any sense.

"Oh," Kennedy said, defiantly caught off guard. "Madison, I - "

"If you don't want you, then that's fine too." I rambled, cutting him off. "Like I said, it was just a thought."

"Madison - "

"I was thinking about getting Jesse to move in with me too anyways, so - "

"Madison!" Kennedy finally snapped me out of my rambling, and then leaned over, taking my hands in his. Squeezing them tightly, he gave me a soft smile and then tugged me toward him. "You can't just ask me something, and then not let me give you an answer." He laughed softly.

When I didn't say anything in response, Kennedy brought my hands up and kissed the backs of them gently.

"I've love to move in with you, sweetheart," he said.

"Really?" I asked.

Nodding his head, he gently pulled me back down onto his lap and then wrapped his arms tightly around my middle.

"Does anybody else know that you're moving out?" He questioned.

"No," I whispered, "not even Johno. You're the first person I told."

"You weren't even thinking about asking me to move in with you," he stated in a thoughtful manner. "What made you change your mind?"

"I don't really know," I admitted, "I guess that I just realized how much I wanted you around." I said quietly. "Seeing you stick up for me today, it was, well ... cool, because no one's ever punched someone else for me, let alone punch my dad of all people. I just feel safer with you around. And I'll have you know that I want you to stay around for a while, Kennedy Brock."

Pausing slightly to kiss my temple, Kennedy replied, "I'll stay around for as long as you'll have me, Madison ... and probably then some." He added with a quirky smile.

At the sight of his expression, I felt the weight lift off of my chest, and for the first time since Kennedy had first dropped me off at my house, I could breathe properly. I returned a shy smile of my own, and then cuddled into his body as he held me. I always loved the way his arms seemed to fit perfectly around my body, and from here on in, I was going to get to fall asleep in them every single night.

With Kennedy, I was going to start a new life, and leave behind the wreck that my old life had become.