Breakaway

I grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down, I’d just stare out my window. Dreaming of what could be, and if I’d end up happy I would pray. I tried hard to reach out but when I tried to speak out, I felt like no one could hear me. I wanted to belong here but something felt so wrong here. So I would pray I could break away.

I sat quietly, creepily behind the length of the amp creating a large haunting shadow on the stage. Behind the piece of amplifying equipment shielding me from the light I could hear my loves voice gliding beautifully over the speakers. The crowd was screaming and I knew I should be prepping for the next song but Gerard voice was so captivating.

Ray and Mikey were tuning up behind the thick piece of black velvet keeping the band from the stage. It seemed that they too had noticed the perfection and enchantment our front man’s voice possessed tonight. This show was a special performance as everybody’s wives and family had flown out from their home towns to see us.

The volume died down abruptly and my love appeared from the undersized changing room below. His sweat covered body leant on mine and I inhaled his scent before the curtain dropped down quickly and the deafening noise started up again.

Among the audience lay proud, loving eyes. Bobs Mum was of course the most extravagant decked out in all our merchandise and a feather bower but everybody else’s parents were just as swollen with pride even if they weren’t so forward about it. Everyone’s except for mine.

If Gerard, my love, hadn’t been with me all these years from the very beginning saving me, holding me, helping me become a better person I don’t know what I would have done. My wife was here too but none of my family. Once I had told them about my feelings for a certain colleague I was washed right out of their hair.

My wife was meaningless to me. I didn’t love her and even if I did it was more like a sister than a companion. But Gerard, he was my angel. I felt as if it was my destiny to protect him to have and hold to love and cherish forever and ever... my love.

The music slowed and he walked up to me swaying his hips in time to the melody. In a blur of shades every eye in the crowd looked at us. I saw my father in the back of my mind telling me to stop, telling me to get a grip and to not let him use me but I was under Gerard’s spell. I was almost his slave and as he occupied my mind every second I leant in.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I’ll do what it takes until I touch the sky. And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. Out of the darkness and into the sun, but I won't forget all the ones that I love. I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway.

I kissed him in front of his wife, in front of my wife and of course the terrorizing pit of people in front of us. If he asked me I would leave everyone just to be close to Gerard. I would fall back into his arms happily and without reason at any moment but he was just playing games. He didn’t want me.

I carried on playing my guitar motionless and without meaning. It felt as if I had just betrayed my family’s morals, and most of all myself. The special effects kicked in on the penultimate song of our set and the hot fire whipped around my body as I carried on making music. I was a lost soul surrounded by phantoms trying to trap me into their world.

I’ve always wanted to make it huge. To have every crazy mixed up life in this world chanting my name. I wanted it so I could be painfully close to my love every day. I wanted it so I could yell fuck you to my parents and prove to them that Gerard and I could last that we would be together forever. How stupid, how stupid and wrong was I.

He had no idea how every tender kiss we exchanged was like a tornado in my lungs and a fire in the pit of my stomach. I felt a longing. I know he felt nothing, empty like a hollow shell I once saw at the beach, with him. He used me as a publicity stunt. I was something to entertain him and others with. I am a real person, I have feelings too. I can hurt.

The atmosphere became too much for me and one quick glance at bob told me what to do. I left. Tears pricking my eyes I ran off the stage with no intention of returning. If only someone could have looked into my eyes sooner, they were the window to my soul. Someone could have saved me from my own fate.

I want to feel the warm breeze, sleep under a palm tree. Feel the rush of the ocean, get onboard a fast train. Travel on a jet plane, far away, and breakaway. Go to buildings with a hundred floors, swinging around revolving doors. Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but I got to keep moving on, moving on, fly away, and break away

And that’s when I saw him, smoking by the exit releasing me to my freedom and a life alone without Gerard. But the person smoking wasn’t my love. It was someone who I wanted to see for the past five years. I ran towards him the hurt bubbling up in my heart and I flung my arms around my Dad spilling my confessions to him there and then.

He understood for once and we walked out together, father and son. I walked away from a life I didn’t want, a wife I didn’t want, and Gerard. A person who I didn’t want to leave so much I felt I could explode without but I knew I had to. For everybody’s sake I had to leave and let my anger and all my hurt where out on its own accord.

Goodbye.

I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly, though it's not easy to tell you goodbye. I have to take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway. Out of the darkness and into the sun, but I won't forget the place I come from. I have to take a risk, take a chance, and make a change.
And break away, break away, break away.

I broke away.