All I Want Is You

It was late. Three twenty five in the morning actually. I hadn’t slept, and I knew I wouldn’t. What I had done was cry. And throw up.

I was pretty sure that it was morning sickness, but it could have been that I had been crying for 12 hours and hadn’t eaten anything. I knew that wasn’t good for the baby. It was hard for me to say the word baby. I had been trying to imagine myself with a little bump, or holding a beautiful baby in my arms.

I couldn’t.

Over and over I kept thinking about making that call. I had even found the number in the phone book. Planned Parenthood. There was one not far from the hotel I was sitting in.

But I couldn’t do that to Jackson. I loved him too much, way too much to do that to him.

I was beginning to realize how stupid it was of me to try and run from this. Jackson and I had never talked about children. So I didn’t know how he felt. It was stupid of me to try and make important decisions without him. This was part of him to.

Wow. That was weird to think about. Something was growing inside of me, a tiny part of both Jackson and I. If I loved him, couldn’t I love something that was part of him?

I started shoving my clothes in the canvas bag I had brought with me. I pulled on some sweats, but was momentarily interrupted by another bout of sickness. I rinsed my mouth and leaned against the bathroom counter.

After a few minutes of steadying myself and trying not to cry, which was my natural reaction to throwing up. I had a long walk home. I could have called Jackson, but I wanted this extra time to think.

I turned off the light in the room and slipped into my purple flip flops. I took a deep breath and shut the hotel door.

I had to face this.

.......................................

JACKSON’S POV

I fell asleep sitting up in the arm chair. It was somewhere around two in the morning when I had finally sat down, completely defeated.

If she would only come home so we could talk about this.

If only we had been more careful.

If only...

It seemed like hours later when I finally woke up, but the sun was just beginning to rise. I immediately checked my phone, but there were no missed calls and only a text from Ada asking if I had heard anything from Lizzie.

I stood up, stretching, my muscles stiff and sore. I turned towards the kitchen to get something to drink when I heard a soft tap at the door.

I was still in a sleep induced daze when I opened the door.

“I forgot my key.” She whispered, her voice harsh and raspy.

She looked sick. He face was pale and splotched with red. Her eyes had dark purple rings around them. Her hair was back in a ponytail and she wore sweats and fitted black top. I found myself looking at her stomach. It looked the same. I guess I had thought that once we knew, we would be able to tell.

“Jackson.” She whispered. “I’m s-s-sorry.” She was sobbing, her body shaking with tears. I couldn’t take that. This wasn’t all her fault.

I pulled her into me, and she let her whole body rest against mine. I felt her legs buckle and soon we were both on the floor. We sat like that for hours, I just held her and let her cry. I rubbed her back and whispered soothing words into her hair.

When the sun has finally fully risen in the sky, she looked up at me with weary eyes, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“I’m scared, but I love you. Both of you.” She whispered, before drifting off to sleep in my arms.