All I Want Is You

Today was my first therapy session. I had gone to see Doctor Robin the day after I told Jackson about my feelings. After detailing to her everything I had felt since bringing Chloe home, she told me I likely had moderate Post Partum Depression. Apparently, I had a lot of risk factors, like an unplanned pregnancy and a colicky baby.

So Jackson and I were off to the therapists while baby Chloe stayed with Rob and Ada. We had told them what was going on, and they were both very understanding and supportive. Rob had slowly come around to Chloe, and told us he was actually looking forward to spending the day with her. The colic was slowly getting better too.

“Where’s my Chloe?” Ada asked loudly, in her baby voice, as she swung open the apartment door. Rob came in behind her, shaking his head, even though I could already see his eyes were searching for her too.

“Right here!” Jackson said, carrying her out of the room. I was standing in the kitchen, packing Chloe’s diaper bag. This would be the first time in since she was born that we were apart. I was nervous, even though I completely trusted Ada, and even Rob.

“Hand her over!” Ada said, laughing and taking Chloe from Jackson’s arms. I watched, smiling as Rob kissed Chloe`s tiny forehead. She waved her tiny arms in the arm. She had him wrapped around her finger.

Jackson shook his head and picked up the car seat, showing Rob and Ada how to strap her in. I put the last bottle in the diaper bag, along with a sticky note that said how long to heat them and when to feed her.

“Can I at least say goodbye?” I asked, chuckling nervously.

“Oh Lizzie, I’m sorry!” Ada said. She was being extra careful around me lately. I walked to Ada, and kissed Chloe lightly on the forehead.

“I love you.” I whispered. I was getting better, for her, for all of us.

I watched as Ada strapped her carefully in the car seat. I handed her the diaper bag, explaining the instructions. Rob picked up Chloe’s car seat, waved with his free hand, and followed Ada out the door.

When the door shut, I looked at Jackson.

“This is weird.” I whispered. “I don’t like it when she isn’t here.”

He smiled, wrapping me in his arms. “She’ll be back before we know it.”

He pressed his lips against mine and then headed towards the bathroom to have a shower.

I had already showered, so I went to get dressed. I was frustrated, none of my clothes from before having Chloe fit, but it wasn’t because they were too small. They were too big. Due to the depression, I hadn’t been eating well at all. I had lost all of my pregnancy weight, plus more. I didn’t like it. I looked sick.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, not sure of what the attire for visiting a therapist was. I slipped into my familiar brown flip flops and brushed through my hair.

Jackson came out of the bathroom, running a towel through his hair. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt. He smiled at me. He was happy I was getting the help I needed.

“Ready to go?” He asked, as he dropped the towel in the hamper.

I nodded. “Yes, I’m ready.”