By Your Side

My dad called me into the living room when I got home that night. It seemed like this was the new routine for my family. Every night this week my dad had called me in to talk. I was getting annoyed with it because all I ever heard from him was bad news.

“Anna, I’ve got some bad news,” he started.

What the hell?! Was this really going to be the routine? I was being sarcastic but now I wasn’t so sure…

“Well, good and bad news, depending on how you look at it,” he said.

Sighing heavily, I lazily dragged my feet into the living room. My dad was sitting on his favorite recliner, wearing his reading glasses and had a newspaper in his lap. He set it aside then said, “Take a seat, Anastasia.”

I cringed at my full name. My heart was pounding. He only called me that when I was in trouble or there was important/ bad news. I didn’t think I was in trouble and I already knew there was some form of bad news to be given but knowing so didn’t make my heart stop pounding like drums in my chest.

We sat there in silence; cruel, depressing silence for what felt like hours. I stared at the floor, noticing the oddest things in the carpet. My dad was sitting there, sighing occasionally, before he finally spoke.

“I guess I’ll start with the good news first,” he nodded, as if to convince himself that it was the best thing to do. I waited patiently for him to start. “Something has come…up.”

I gave him a questioning look. I didn’t see how this was good news. What could’ve possibly come up? I started panicking thinking it had to do with Tom or something.

“This family’s life is going to be changed drastically within the next few days…” he paused staring at me and waiting for my reaction. He hadn’t really given me much information so I didn’t know how to react, yet.

Just so he felt I was listening, I asked, “What do you mean ‘drastically changing’?”

He took a deep breath then continued, again. “The company I work for has offered me a new job that I can’t refuse. It pays almost triple the amount I’m getting now,” he paused again.

“That’s great!” I got up to give him a hug. I could now see why this was good news. It could also mean that their marriage could be saved. I mean, what girl doesn’t love a man with money? It’s not everything but it sure as hell helped. I skidded to a stop before I gave him a hug. Something didn’t feel right. “What’s the catch?”

He knew he’d been caught. “The new company I’ll be working at is in America. We’ll be moving there in a few days,” He finished.

A few days? My heart sank. How was this happening? I had just become closer to Tom, my friendships with Bill, Georg and Gustav was stronger. They were becoming famous and I was going to miss it. They were living their dream; call me selfish, but I wanted to be a part of it. This couldn’t happen, not now.

“I know this is a lot to take in, with the divorce as well and all, but this is a great opportunity for me. I can’t pass this up. Please understand, Anna.”

Now he called me Anna. “Understand?” I asked in disbelief, becoming more upset by the second.

“Yes, you’ll see this is for the better. You’ll make new friends and have a better life in California. I just know it,” he said with a fake, almost plastic, smile.

I didn’t want or need to make new friends. The friends I had now were perfect. They were all I needed. All I wanted.

My cheeks heated and my eyes stung with tears. “I can’t believe this! I hate you and your stupid job!” I shouted dramatically then sprinted to my room.

I threw myself onto my bed. The tears I wanted desperately to go away continued to flow down my cheeks. A never ending waterfall. I replayed everything over and over again in my head.

Moving? Why did it have to be now? In a few years, maybe, I wouldn’t care so much. That was only because I’d be old enough to be on my own and I wouldn’t have to leave.

For at least an hour (maybe it was longer, time seemed to be all fucked up at the moment) I lay there crying and sniffling, like someone died. It actually felt like someone died. Me. Knowing that I would never be able to see Tom or anyone I knew from here again was like I got stabbed in the heart with a knife. An old, rusted, jagged knife that would never come out no matter how hard I tried pulling it out.

I heard footsteps outside of my door. “Dad?” My voice cracked from crying and not talking for so long.

He came into the room, sitting on the edge of my bed. “I’m sorry I sprung this on you so suddenly. I didn’t know how else to tell you,” he said apologetically.

“I know. I’m sorry I acted the way I did. It was just so unexpected.”

“I wouldn’t have told you if there was a way out of it,” he said, “but your mother is way too unstable at this moment for you to stay with her. She can hardly take care of herself let alone you.”

“What about—“

“No, I could never ask anyone to take care of you for me. You’re my responsibility, no one else’s.”

I turned my back, not answering him. He didn’t even listen to my idea. Though, he did know exactly what I wanted, he just shot it down without even thinking about it. I bet Mrs. Kaulitz would let me stay with her. Dad was right… I couldn’t ask her to let me live with them. It wasn’t fair to force myself into their life because I was not happy with what was going on in mine.

My dad had left shortly after I started ignoring him; leaving me alone with my thoughts. Before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep; tears stained on my cheeks.