By Your Side

I woke up really early the next morning. If you could even consider it ‘waking up’; I had been drifting in and out of sleep since my dad told me that we were moving. I turned and looked over at my clock that was on my nightstand. It read: 1:36 AM. I groaned, turning over again to try and go back to sleep. It wasn’t working, though. My mind was still racing from the thoughts of what happened. I hadn’t even come out of my room since my dad last came in and told me “this is for the better”. How could it be? We. Were. Moving. It’s not like we were moving down the street, either. If that were the case I wouldn’t be so upset. I could still be with my friends, with Tom, not going to a strange place that didn’t even speak the same language.

“I knew I should’ve paid attention in English class when I had the chance,” I said to myself frowning. There was no way in hell I would be able to learn it in two or three days. Though, that was the last thing on my mind. I was more worried about breaking the news to the guys, mostly Tom…

Sure, I was “too young” to know what love was, so I’d been told, but deep down I knew that I was, in fact, in love with Tom Kaulitz. I cared about him more than anything. Every touch, smile, hug, kiss, even just one of those looks he gave me sent my heart pounding into over drive and my stomach doing back flips. That had to mean more than “just a little kid crush” in my book. Ever since I had met Tom I knew that there was something between us. I couldn’t tell what it was at the time, (I’m not completely sure what it is now, even) but I know that he’s meant to be in my life. Why would he mean so much to me if he didn’t?

Tears began to build up again and my heart felt like it was breaking slowly with every thought of not being able to see him again. I felt overwhelmed with sadness. There was only one person in the world that could help ease this pain. I needed to see Tom, now.

I grabbed my shoes, sliding them on and throwing my hair up into a messy ponytail. I wiped away my existing tears then walked to my window. I don’t know why I bothered wiping the tears away when new ones would replace them soon enough. I had never cried this much in my entire life. Not even when I broke my wrist climbing a tree (which Tom had told me to do.) God, everything always led back to him. Any story that I told or anything that happened to me, somehow, always related back to him. We were always together most of the time, it’s not surprising then, I guessed.

I took one last look around my room. I couldn’t see the light from my parents’ bedroom or the light from the hallway so I was in the clear. The last thing I wanted to do was wake either of them up. They wouldn’t even let me step a foot out of the house at this time and they definitely approve of me sneaking out to go see Tom.

I opened my window and jumped the few feet down to the ground. The second both feet hit the hard, cold dirt I started running. The night air felt incredible and helped calm me down for a moment. The cool breeze that occasionally swept through my hair was quite relaxing and I was glad I had made the decision to sneak out. Once my house was out of view, I slowed to a walk. Sadly, the night air was only calming for so long. Now, realizing I was out alone, I had turned into a nervous wreck. Every little rustle made me turn around like a scared deer looking out for hunters. Only I was thinking more along the line of ‘rapists and kidnappers’ instead of hunters. I nearly jumped ten feet in the air when a stray cat ran in front of me, stopped to meow, and then ran off into the darkness.

“Fucking cat,” I whispered then continued walking.

Normally, I wasn’t afraid of walking alone at night. I actually preferred it. I walked at night to think about random stuff and get away. Tonight, however, I had way too much to think about and nothing was being considered “normal” with me at the moment. In the course of forty eight hours my life had been totally flipped upside down. You’d think I would be able to get a break and have, at the very least, a week before something new was thrown at me. But, no, of course that couldn’t happen. Not when my mom had become a raging alcoholic and was getting a divorce from my dad and my dad decided it would be best to move half-way across the fucking world. Nope, not a chance in hell.

Finally, Tom’s house came into view. I sighed in relief and smiled very lightly to myself. He would be able to make me feel better. Make it all better, somehow.

I climbed the back fence into the backyard and quietly made my way in front of his window. I wished that Tom’s room was facing the front yard instead of Bill’s so that when I snuck over there in the middle of the night to see him it would be easier then jumping the fence. Not crying my eyes out also would’ve made it easier. I counted two windows past the large tree and walked up to the wall. I was standing right under his window now.

I took a deep, stifled breath to try and control myself because I could feel the tears burning my eyes. As soon as I was semi-calm, I picked up a small pebble and aimed for his window.