By Your Side

It had to have been about one-thirty or close to two in the morning when I had left Tom’s hotel room and caught a cab to go back home. I really hadn’t intended on leaving but something inside hit me hard. I realized I was falling for Tom. Again. And it wasn't just because we had sex. No, it was a much deeper connection than that. Spending all the time with him, even just one day, reminded me of how much I loved him. It had taken forever for me to truly realize that my feelings for him hadn’t really changed. Even though I wouldn’t admit it because I was, for some reason, still timid around him now, the feeling was there. I couldn’t deny it even if I tried.

Days had passed since the two of us talked, however. A part of me wanted to call him back but another part didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Was I afraid of getting my heart broken again? Hell yeah. Was that the reason I was avoiding him? I couldn’t answer that. I thought it could be possible. Yet, the more reasonable answer was that I was afraid I would actually admit that I had fallen for him again. I wasn’t sure if doing so would be the best thing for us, though.

I gave in to the ringing cell phone next to me and answered it. I knew if I didn’t, the calls and texts would probably continue and then I’d feel guilty about not talking to him.

“Hello?”

“Finally!” Tom said in a more than sarcastic tone when I answered. Surprisingly though, I wasn’t upset by his tone. I deserved it. “I don’t know if I did something wrong, but what happened the other day. . . Anna, it’s not cool for you to do that, you know? Leave without a reason. I didn’t know what to think when you left.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I’m not sure why I left.” I lied through my teeth. “I feel really bad about it though.”

“It’s fine. But, since I felt bad that you left, would you like to go to dinner with me and I’ll make whatever was wrong up to you?” I could hear the playfulness in his tone and it made me smile. Maybe it wasn’t all bad falling for him after all?

“Hmm,” I pretended to have to think about it. “I’d love to go to dinner with you, Tom.”

“Great. Wear something nice and I’ll pick you up at eight.”

Before I could respond, I heard a click on his end and was a little taken aback.

“Okay, then see you.” I said while rolling my eyes and setting my phone down.

Seven forty-five rolled around the corner. I was already dressed up in a nice, new black dress that hadn’t been worn since, well, ever. I had bought it thinking it was really cute, but never really had a reason to wear it, until tonight anyway.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Damn, I look hot., I thought to myself. Even playboy Tom would be blown away. Hell, I made simple look damn sexy. Especially with my hair wavy and actually looking perfect for me, for once, I knew I would knock his socks off. If he wanted to mess with me with his smirks and charm, this was the outfit to mess with him right back. I smirked to myself in the mirror before heading into the living room to wait some more.

“He shouldn’t be too much longer,” I said aloud. It was five to eight right now so he should’ve been there any moment.

“Speak of the devil,” I said when there was a knock on my door just a minute or so later.

Tom’s eyes practically popped out of his head when I opened the door and he stared at my outfit of choice. “I take it you like it?” I giggled and twirled around so he could have a full view.

“You look great,” he half smiled, half smirked when he said it.

“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself,” I smirked right back at him then walked past him.

He followed me out onto the sidewalk before taking my hand and walking me to his car. It was a rental, of course, but the Cadillac still screamed ‘Tom’ nonetheless.

When we got to the restaurant, I was speechless. It was one of the nicest restaurants in the city. I really hadn’t expected for him to bring me here at all. To be honest, I would’ve settled for a regular burger joint or something. . . less extraordinary. But, as usual, Tom never stopped surprising me.

“This place is really nice, Tom. Thanks for bringing me here.” I didn’t look at him for more than a few seconds before looking back down at my plate full of spaghetti. We had been sitting and talking for at least an hour now and I had just now thanked him for taking me out.

“You’re welcome,” he said and also continued to eat his food. I glanced up at him for a moment, hoping he hadn’t noticed. From the smirk on his lips I could tell he was amused. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking; however, he always smirked and raised his eyebrow when he was intrigued or amused by something. That was one expression Tom hadn’t changed. I was actually kind of glad. I felt like a part of him was gone when I saw him today. He was so different. His hair, the gauges, his style –slightly- changed. As in, he was now wearing darker clothes and he had lost most of his caps with the bandana that now lay across his forehead. I hated to admit it, but I missed the old Tom. The sweet little kid I used to know who always cracked a joke about everything and made everyone smile. Tom seemed more . . . serious now? I couldn’t figure out what it was with him. I used to be able to read him so perfectly and now it was like he was a new book, with a different mystery that I had to go through to figure out this “new” side of him.

“What are you thinking about?” I finally caved and asked him. I hated not being able to read him. I was so good at reading people but, him, I couldn’t figure out.

“Eh, nothing,” he replied.

“You’re a horrible liar, you know that?” I sent him a smirk of my own.

“Actually I’m a great liar. I can get people to believe anything I say.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded. “It comes with being famous, I guess. That and I just happen to be really good at it.”

“Obviously not that good if I can tell, huh?” I teased and we laughed.

“You always could tell when I was lying.”

“Well when you smile after you say something that isn’t funny, you give yourself away.”

“I don’t smile after I lie!” he smiled and he knew he was caught. “Well shit. I didn’t even know I did that.”

I giggled and rolled my eyes. “You’re a real piece of work, but, you’re a great guy.”

“You’re afraid though.” He eyes me and I stared at him.

How did he know? “What?” I said lamely.

“Hey, I can read people too, sometimes. And you seem. . . afraid for some reason. Why?”

When I didn’t answer for a while, he knew it was time to take a different approach. I wanted to answer him, I did, but for some reason I couldn’t. His next question took the conversation to a whole new level I never expected it to go.

“Where do we stand now, Anna?” it was like he knew exactly what was bothering me. Damn, he was good. What the hell.

“What do you mean?” Playing stupid was the only way to go for this one, I thought to myself. I didn’t believe it but since I had already taken it in this direction, I couldn’t exactly turn back now.

“You know what I mean; our relationship. We both know we have more than ‘just friends’ feelings for each other.”

I hesitated for a long time before answering. “Yes, I know we both do, too. I felt it when we were at the park. But. . . Tom, I’m not sure if I can get to close to you again. Like you said, I’m afraid. I know you’re just going to leave again.” I let out a long sigh and pushed my plate away from me.

“Will you at least think about us being a couple again, Anna, please?” he asked but it wasn’t like he was begging like other guys would’ve. He just wanted an honest answer.

“Of course I will. I’m sorry I can’t tell you now. There are just so many things going on right now. If it wasn’t so difficult, you would’ve had your answer already.”

“I know,” he sighed and looked away for a minute. I hadn’t seen this side of him for a long, long time. It made me feel like a horrible bitch. Why couldn’t I just fucking tell him?

Silence passed between us, again. Before anything else could happen that would make me feel worse about the situation, I thanked him again for the dinner and we parted ways.

“Tom!” I called before he got too far.

He turned and waited for what I wanted to say.

“You’ll have your answer tomorrow no matter what,” I promised and he nodded what seemed to be a ‘thanks’ before we both went home.