A Softer World

It was Monday morning. I had spent the whole weekend with Alex, Saturday night there was a party. Alex and I had gone together. I didn’t see any of the guys or even Riley. What was going on? Gerard would never give up a chance to go to a party, not in a million years. Sunday, Alex and I, ended up watching movies all day in my living room. Neither of us was up to loud noises or moving around, the after effects of alcohol sucked big time.

Today I was going to confront Gerard. I wanted to fix things between us before it got worse. I had enjoyed my weekend with Alex, and I was feeling less and less guilty about my decision. But instead, a ball of worry was buried in my stomach, weighing me down making me feel sick. Something didn’t feel right.

I walked across my room and grabbed my cell phone off of my dresser. I hadn’t touched it all weekend two new messages flashed across the screen. I opened it and turned on my voicemail.

”Sweety, it’s your mother. I was wondering where you were, but obviously you don’t have your cell on you. Anyways, I guess I’ll see you when you get home, love you.” I deleted that message and started listening to the second. It was Riley’s voice, my insides twisted around the ball of worry in my stomach, "Gerard wanted me to tell you to have a nice life.”

Have a nice life? What the hell was that supposed to mean? I looked up at the clock and noticed that it was time to leave for school anyway. I grabbed my back pack from my chair and pocketed my cell phone.

I rushed down the stairs and pulled on my shoes as fast as I could. I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my jacket and ran out the door. I needed to find Riley and figure out what this message meant.

I started down the walkway and turned left on the sidewalk. Stupid me for not having my own vehicle, my conversed covered feet slapped against the concrete sidewalk as I nearly ran to the school.

It took a good ten minutes before I could finally see the school. My feet started to pick up speed as I started to run towards the school, I stopped suddenly when I heard my cell phone ringing in my pocket.

You are the reason that I breathe, you are the reason that I still believe…

“Hello,” I said into my cell phone.

“Hey, babe,” Alex’s voice drifted through the phone. “I’m at your house, where are you?”

“I’m at the school already,” I said, breathing heavily into the phone.

“Oh, are you alright?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, just need to talk to someone,” I said. “It’s sort of important. I’ll see you when you get here.”

I pressed the end button and shoved my cell phone back into my pocket. I went up the stairs, skipping two at a time. I pulled open the door and hurried inside. ”Please, please let Riley be here already!” I said more to myself.

A feeling of relief spread through my body as I saw here standing at the top of the stairs. I jogged up them and grabbed her arm before she could resist.

“Ow, let go of me!” Riley hollered and ripped her arm from my grip.

“What do you mean, ‘Gerard wanted me to tell you to have a nice life?’” I said, trying to regain my breath. We were standing in an abandoned hallway.

“Fuck you, why don’t you run off and go see your pimp Alex,” Riley said to me, she had her arms crossed and she was glaring at me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I said, running my hands through my hair.

“Gerard’s leaving, okay!” Riley shouted.

“Leaving?” it felt as if I was going to collapse under my own weight. I rested against the wall.

“Yeah, he’s leaving to get help for his problem,” she stared at me.

“But why does he have to leave?” I said dumbfounded.

“Why do you care? You have Alex now,” she said, glancing back at the staircase where the guys were sitting.

“I’ve known Gerard since I was seven. Of course I’m going to care!” I snapped at her.

“Gee is leaving to get better…for you,” she whispered.

“For me,” I said, sliding down the wall and sitting.

“Yes for you! Are you that dense, or did you forget what I told you at the concert. Gerard Arthur Way fucking loves you!” she half yelled. “But only God knows why,” she added at the end.

By now tears were filling my eyes, “Gerard loves me,” I whispered.

“Yes, and you fucking broke his heart by going out with Alex,” she said, walking over to me and kneeling beside me.

“I had to do it,” I whispered and stared at the wall. “Gerard had to forget that he ever liked me!” I said and wiped my eyes furiously.

“But why?” Riley said. She then proceeded to sit down next to me and put her arm around me. For some reason I found comfort in this, I hated her but it was like I needed her comfort and support.

“Gerard. He deserves someone much better than me,” I said. “I thought it was the best way.”

“Best way for what?” she asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

“The best way of hiding who I truly am,” I said and fresh tears started to fall from my eyes. “I’m addicted to crystal meth. Gerard needs someone who he can depend on, and I’m not that person.”

I got up from the floor and walked away from the hall way, away from Riley. I descended that stairs towards the exit of the school. I passed by Alex who was calling my name and pushed open the door. It had begun to rain outside. But I didn’t care. I walked outside into the cold rain and started in the direction of my home.

There was no way I could face anyone today, not even myself.