A Softer World

Gerard shut the door of his room and walked into the livingroom area. Frank and I were sitting infront of the television holding hands. No one seemed to care. We most deffently weren't dating, because he didn't ask me and I didn't ask him. When i got back from dropping off Gerard, Frank suggested going out for dinner. He's been really close ever since.

"Riley," Gerard mummbled, plopping down beside Ray. "Cheyenne wants to talk to you."

"Man," Mikey sighed. "There is alot of drama going on between this group of friends these days."

I shrugged. "Suck it up Mikes."

Before I was about to get up, Frank kissed me lightly on the cheek. I smiled brightly at him, and then made my way to Gerards room. I could hear the guys talking about me as i walked away. I shook my head smiling and then opend the door to Gees room. Cheyenne was sitting on the bed.

I sighed, shutting the door behind me. She looked at me with a look that could kill, she looked like the person she wanted to kill with that look though - was herself. I put my right hand on my head and sat down beside her. She took a big gulp. I could tell that she felt awkward around me. I know that she doesn't like me, but i shouldn't let that get to me.

For some reason, she grabbed her phone. She played back the message that i sent to her. It sounded so mean and harsh. I couldn't believe i sounded like that. I sighed and looked at her, "I didn't mean it like that. I was really mad, because Gee was. He was really pissed when he found out. He was drunk and chucking beer bottles at the wall. Crying and screaming. It was horrible."

She folded her hands and her face got paler and paler. "Riley, you don't even know how bad i feel about this. I guess i-i-i'm jus-t happ-y that you were there when this was all happening. I don't think Frank would have helped him as much as you did."

"Well, whats going to happen now?" I asked.

"I don't know." She looked like she was craving something. "What is going to happen?"

"Gerard, Frank and I are supposed to be leaving." I replied. "Gerard knows this school for addictions. Hes going for alcohol, Frank is going for smoking, and i'm going for the overtakes of my anti-de-"

"Your what?" She looked at me, with her eyes wide open. She probably didn't know that i was pretty much as fucked up as she is.

I sighed. "Fuck, you might as well know. I have a depression. I usually break down cause i feel so small in the world. I take to much of my anti-depressants and usually come close to over dosing. I just do it to be normal. I'm way past the point of having a problem. Thats what happend at Alex's party. I haven't done any since that night."

"Why not?" She asked.

"Gerard." I mummbled.

She gave me a weird look. "What?"

"I don't like him like that, don't worry." I replied. "But hes a good guy. I've never met anyone as more accepting to me in my whole life - not even my parents. But hes my bestfriend and he means alot. It might sound weird since we've known eachother for such little time. But, Cheyenne, he's such an important and amazing person. I don't see how you could have picked Alex over him."

"You don't like Alex do you?" She sighed.

"None of us do," I replied. "I punched him when you ran off today."

She looked back and forth and thought for a second. "What?"

"I punched him."

"What did he do?" She asked confused.

"Well," I sighed. "He was asking what was wrong and I wouldn't tell him. And he said it was all Gerards fault. And then he was calling out Gerard on being emo. I just lost my temper and punched him in the face. Then i left to come here."

"Wooow." She looked down at me. "No one has done that to Alex before."

"Yeah, the guys have mentioned." I sighed.

"You know Riley," She said. "I really doubted you at first. I was abit jealous because the guys were practically kissing the floor you walk on. But, i can see why they did now. You're a good person."

~

On Tuesday everyone said that they were coming to school today. I sat on the front step with Frank, waiting for the rest. Frank picked me up from my house this morning. My brother was leaving for work when he got there. He began to talk to him about me, and i tended to get embaressed. Frank just giggled once and awhile.

I finally pulled him away from my brother so we could get to school. My brother was embaressing when it came to guys. Well, this was the only time. There hasn't really been any other guys besides this time and Frank and I arn't even dating. I sighed, and noticed Ray,Bob, Gerard and Mikey pulling up into the parkinglot.

Gerard looked good today. His hair was blowing because of the wind, but not in the cheesy movie kind of way. He was wearing black sunglasses since it was sunny out today. His shirt was black, his pants were black and his leather jacket was black. He was smiling and laughing with Bob. This made me smile brightly.

"You're glad to see him happy right?" Frank whisperd.

"You don't even know." I said back, still watching the boys walking towards us.

Mikey was wearing a red sweater and black jeans. His glasses were on and his hair was the same as it is every day. He was talking away to Ray. Ray was wearing jeans and a black baggy sweater. His hair was nice and poofy like always. Bob was tapping his hands on his jeans with a rip in the knee. His shirt was green and his hair was nice and blonde in the sun.

Gerard came up to me and smiled. "Good morning love."

"Awe Gerard," Frank blattered his eyelashes as a joke. "Hello, love."

"Shut up." Gerard laughed. "I was talking to my other bestfriend, Riley."

I laughed. "Goodmorning Gee."

"Hey." The rest of the guys said.

"Where is Cheyenne?" I asked.

"She said she was coming to the school earlier today." Gerard said, walking with all of us to the door.

I nodded to him and walked into the office area. I looked up the stairs, and began to jog up them with the rest of the guys. I pulled my beanie up farther ahead, because it was falling off. I was wearing normal jean coloured skinny jeans, with a dark blue v-neck. When we got to the top of the stairs we all said goodbyes, so they could go to the senior hall and Mikey and I go to the Junior one.

Frank grabbed my hand and pulled me back. He smiled at me and said. "Can I walk you to class?"

"Don't you have class?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Free period, first period."

I smiled. "Alright."

Mikey stayed quiet as me and Frank walked down the hall. I didn't even notice that Frank had grabbed ahold of my hand. When i did notice, i began to get nervous. And then i saw someone I really didn't want to see. There came Alex Webber with a swealed up nose. He was in distance though.

When he walked past me, i made it look like I was going to punch him again. He flinched and walked faster. Frank, Mikey and I all belted out in laughter. Frank looked back at Alex running away now he laughed and said, "Pussy."

I got to my locker and did my combination. I grabbed out my binder and Math text book. Mikey and I had our first class together, which was nice. It seems like Mikey and I have been drifting apart though. I don't think i've actually had a conversation with him in about a week. I sighed, shutting the door of my locker and put the lock back on.

Mikey wasn't with us anymore. I noticed him at his locker, getting stuff out. I looked at Frank and he smiled at me. I smiled back. He grabbed my hand and we got Mikey. Then the bell rang. We rushed down the hallway, trying to make it to the Math room as fast as we could.

When we got there, Frank looked back at me before I was about to walk into the room. He looked nervous. He gave me a hug and then whisperd. "I need to ask you something at lunch."

My heart began to skip beat. Butterflys began to cover the perimeter of my stumach. I've never got this feeling before. Never in a million years i have had this feeling. I'm in the 11th grade, and i've never had the feeling. But, today i did. From Frank Iero. The boy i think i may be falling inlove with. I wouldn't have wanted my first feeling like this to be with anyone else.

I noticed that Mikey had left me in the hallway. I walked into the class and to the back of the classroom. Mikey was sitting in the seat next to me. Our teacher wasn't here though. He was probably photocopying something. I looked over at Mikey and smiled. "Whats new?"

He looked at me and groaned. "Wow, you're actually talking to me."

"Mikey," I sighed. "I'm sorry for blocking you out, i just was busy."

"With Frank." He said with a rude and bitchy tone.

That shouldn't have had made me feel bad. But, it did. I felt ontop of the world two seconds ago, but now i feel like a piece of dirt. Just the look that Mikey glared at me, made me feel like shooting myself in the head. I could feel a breakdown coming on. I needed to get out of here - fast.

I stormed out of my desk and out of the classroom. I didn't care if my teacher was going to notice and I didn't have a hall pass. I just walked down the hallway with tears falling down my face. I was trying to open my locker with anger. I grabbed my bag and picked out a bottle in the front pocket of my bag. I slammed my locker, and whipped the tears that were falling down my face.

walked down the hallway, that was vacant. I turned the corner to the washroom that seemed as if everything happend in. I walked down the hallway, clentching my bottle into my hand. I grabbed a water bottle aswell that was in my other hand. I pushed open the door of the washroom to see no one and hear no one.

I walked into the dim coloured washroom, and to the last stall. I locked the stall door behind me. I sat down on the toilet seat and looked at the bottle. They haven't been used in a couple of days, and it actually felt great. But, this wasn't my fault. It was Mikeys fault. I usually put myself down for this kind of stuff, but for once, this was someone elses fault.

I took four pills this time. My doctor told me that I shouldn't do this. He said if it was nessacery for double dozes then to take them seperatly. I don't give a shit what he said. I took the four pills and drentched them down with water. Then another four and then another four. This is the most pills i've ever tooken at one time. I knew this wasn't going to come out good.

My head crashed off the side of the stall. I fell onto the ground, my vision blurring. I began to shake and feel like I was going to gag. I crawled up into a fetal posision, whispering Franks name for some reason. I kept whispering it, and it got louder and louder. I needed him here.

Then everything was blank.