A Softer World

I couldn't help but to have butterflies in my belly. Before my dad went to the job that he had just got, i told him how i was feeling. He said that it was perfectly normal to have this feeling. But, i thought wrong. I thought that i was going to break down, and do something that my doctor said would happen if i took to much of my pills.

I'm glad that nothing was happening yet. I managed to get up and ready, without anything happening. And now, i'm in my moms car and shes driving me to my school. My hands sat in my lap, as they began to get clamy. My breathing began to get heavier and heavier, and eventually i began to cry.

I began to make a huffing noise as if i were to have a breakdown. My mom didn't say anything though, she just kept on driving, because this was completley normal to her. I reached down for my bag that was at my feet and unzipped the front pocket. There sat the ungreatful white bottle that i was quite used to seeing. My hands shook, as i took it out of my bag.

I opened the bottle, making my mom shoot a glare in my direction. "Hon, put those back, you've already had some this morning. Remember, Dr. Hanson said that if you took to much, you could get really high off those. And we don't want the kids at your school thinking your a drug addict."

She doesn't know anything. I don't see how my dad and her could be stupid in this situation. They never ask why i'm always asking for more pills. I say they fell out of the bottle and they actually believe me. The only reason that i over use them is because i want to. I need to. In order to come over my depression and be normal, i need to take as much pills as my body can handle.

I didn't listen to her. I still took out a pill, that was rather large. I grabbed the water bottle in the cup holder, and set the pill in my mouth. I drank the water making the pill fly back down my throat.

"Riley!" My mom sreetched. "I told you not to take them."

"Mom," I sighed. "I need to, or i'm going to break down in class today. Just let me take double dozes for one day? Thats all i'm asking."

She sighed, picking up the starbucks coffee she had just bought. She took a big gulp of the coffee, and put it back down. Her eyes were shinning because of the sun in my direction. "Alright, but just for this one day. I'm only letting you because its your first day and I understand that you are pretty nervous."

I nodded, but i didn't think she noticed. My mom doesn't know that i'm probably going to be taking more then i should be today. I know i'm going to be acting weird in class, infront of a bunch of stangers. But, i'd rather be doing that then to break down and start crying. People would think that i was messed in the head. Well, technically i am, but they don't have to know that.

Then i noticed the sign of my school. My mom stopped, waiting for other cars to pull in. I put my elbow on the car door, and placed my head inside my palm. This made my face become hot, since my hands were hot and clamy. I sighed, making a grossed out face. And then my mom pulled into the parking lot of my school.

She pulled up our silver volvo up to the side of the entrance. I picked up my bag from the ground and looked up at my mom. She looked worried. "Do you want me to come inside with you?"

I shook my head. "I should be alright."

"Ok, well i'll be here after school to pick you up!" She said after me.

I pushed open the door, and stepped outside. There was kids all sitting on benches around the entrance. I took a big gulp, putting my backpack on my back. I walked down the sidewalk to the front doors. I could see that inside these doors, it was busy. I'm guessing thats where the office was. I grabbed ahold of the handle and pulled the door open.

Me entering the school made some teachers look at me. I noticed the sign that said front office. I nodded to myself and walked towards it. At the desk was sitting a elderly lady, with blonde short hair. Her glasses hung over her long pointy nose, as she looked up at me. "Are you new?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Name." She grunted. I could tell she didn't like her job.

"Riley," I replied. "Wilson."

"One moment." She sighed, getting up from her seat.

I sighed and looked down at my outfit. I was wearing a black sweater, and ripped skinny jeans. My black hair hung over my face, and my hood was lightly pulled over my head. Alot of people comment on me, saying that i was a dark kid. I didn't mind though. There wasn't many, "dark" kids at my old school. So, i just hung out with the scene kids. They all looked the same to me though.

I looked up the staircase that was right infront of the office. At the top of it, there was a group of kids that caught my eye. There was sitting on the first step, tapping on a notebook. He was blonde. The next people i noticed was a pale boy with black hair that hung over to his shoulders. The girl that stood next to him, look like she was just about to pass out. Her face looked dead under her black rimmed glasses.

The next person that caught my eye was a guy with a big fro, but how couldn't miss that? The person standing next to him looked like he was, looking at me? I don't know, i'm not sure. And then the last person that seemed to interest me was a petite boy, wearing all black. He had a black pair of skinny jeans on a Misfits t-shirt. And even from a far i could tell that he was a good looking kid.

"Mrs. Wilson!" I heard someone say.

I looked back to see the lady standing there again. "Oh sorry."

"Here is your schedule, and a map of the school." She handed me the papers. "Now, you need to give one of these notes to every teacher that you have today, so they understand your a new student."

I nodded, and turned around. I bent my head down to look at the sheet. It pretty much looked like the same one i got in grade nine. I sighed. This felt the exact same, as if i'm being treated like a freshman. Then, i looked back up at the top of the staircase. The group of kids that i just saw moments ago, weren't there anymore. I just took matters into my own hands, and thought i should walk up the stairs to see where it takes me.

I clentched the papers in my hand, and began to walk towards the staircase. I ran up the stairs, to see kids scattered all around the hall, in their lockers. I didn't as much looks i thought i was going to get, but people looked at me like 'Who the hell is that?' I sighed and just kept on walking down the hall. Now, i just need to find locker 543.

For some reason when i turned a right, i got chills down my spine. I looked around the hall to see the some of the kids from that group standing near some lockers. The one with the fro, the one with the glasses, and the one that interested me the most were all standing there. I took a big gulp and just walked on my way.

It seemed as if the boy with the glasses kept his eyes on me, as i walked past them. But, i kept my eyes on the small boy, sitting up against the locker. And he didn't keep his eyes on anything. He would glance at me, to see why i was looking at him, but that was it. I just shrugged my shoudlers, and kept on looking at the locker numbers.

When i turned a left, i noticed i was in the right hallway. All the locker numbers were in the five hundreds. I kept walking and walking until i got to locker 543. I took my locker out of my backpack and opend up the locker. It wasn't the best, but it will do. The door was a little dent, and the inside could do some cleaning, but i'm not a neat freak at all. You should see my room.

I shuved my bag in the locker, and pulled the door infront of me so no one could see me. I reached in my bag and took out a pill and a bottle of water. I stuck it in my mouth, like i did about fifteen minutes ago in the car. The pill washed back down when i took a drink. I sighed in relief and grabbed my papers. I pulled the sleeves of my sweater over my hands and shut the door of my locker.

I looked down at my schedule to see where my first class was. It looked like i have History with Mr. Brown first in room 302. I think i already passed that room when i was coming to my locker. I folded up my papers and put them in my pocket. I let out a big breathe, and began to make my way where i thought i saw the room earlier.

Right when i was about to walk, the bell rang. "Shit." I mummbled under my breathe, as i began to walk as i fast as i could. People all around me were rushing around trying to get to class on time. I turned the corner and noticed the room that i was supposed to be in right now. I took a couple deep breathes and walked towards the room.

When i looked inside i noticed a middle aged man sitting at the desk, and when i looked closer, i seen most of the students sitting down in desks. Great, i was late on my first day. I stepped into the class slowly, and quietly. Mr. Brown looked over at me and smiled. "Are you new?"

I gulped. "Um, yeah."

If i didn't have three pills today, i probably would have been freaking out right now. Everyone that was in the classroom looked at me, espically someone i noticed. The kid with the glasses was sitting in a desk, beside the only one that was empty. He didn't have a stalkerish stare towards me, but he still just kept on looking at me.

"Well, you can have a seat beside Mikey." He smiled, pointing to the boy with the glasses.

I nodded. When i walked past Mr. Browns desk, i handed him the sheet that i was given by the securtary. He nodded and picked up a pen that was sitting on his desk. I walked past all the people until i got to the desk that i was told to sit at. When i reached it, i sat down at looked at Mikey.

Mr. Brown was doing some stuff at his desk, as we all waited for him to say something. Mikey looked over at me and smiled. "I'm Mikey."

I nodded. "Riley."

"Pretty name." He commented.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

Then Mr. Brown began to talk about things that i didn't know. It wasn't really the best idea to come to a new school in the middle of the school year. You usually never know what they are talking about because you were doing a totally diffrent thing in your old school. I just set my elbows on the desk and pretended to listen to him.

"Psst." Mikey leaned his head over. "Riley."

I looked over at him. "Yes?"

"Want to come have lunch with me and my friends later?" He asked.

I replied. "Ugh um, sure i guess."

I really should have answered with a quick yes, because that means i'm going to be able to meet his friend that gave me so much interest. I sighed, and layed my head inside my palms. Mr. Brown just kept on babbling about something that happend a bunch of years ago, but i really didn't care about what he was saying.

~

I just told Mikey that i had to go to my locker before lunch. He just told me to go find him in the cafeteria when i was done. I walked down the hallway, with a bunch of kids around me. They were all going to get stuff, and put stuff away in their lockers. And then i noticed my locker sitting there all by itself. There was no kids around it, getting stuff out of the lockers beside it. I began to walk faster towards it.

I just got out of Math class with Mr. Carto. She was probably the most bitchiest teacher that i've ever met. Mikey wasn't in my class, but there he was standing outside of the class when it ended. It was creepy how he got there so fast. But, i just had to keep telling myself that i was going to be able to meet his friend that interested me. I don't even know why he did, he just did.

I opend the door of my locker and put the two text books i got on the top shelf. I didn't grab any money out of my bag, since i wasn't hungry. My mom noticed that i didn't eat much. She started asking me if i had an eating disorder, but i just denied it. I don't know if i do, but i know i don't eat as much as i'm supposed to. I'm not starving myself, i'm just never hungry.

Then i began to think negativly. I always do this. This is probably why i have a depression. I've always look at the worst side of things. Then it usually got to my head, so i believe all the bad things. I thought about lunch coming up. What if Mikeys friends don't like me? What if i do something stupid to embarress myself? I just couldn't handle it.

My hands began to shake. I shut the door of my locker, and shook my hands, trying to lock it up. I sighed and took deep breathes. I took deep breathes alot. My mom said that it would help out from me breaking down, but i didn't think it helped that much. I began to walk down the hallway, trying to find the cafeteria.

I turned at the end of the hallway and noticed someone. It was the only girl that was hanging out with the guys this morning. She looked around, before she entered the washroom on this hallway. I wondered why she looked around, with just going into the washroom. I shrugged and kept on walking towards where i needed to be.

I noticed a group of kids standing outside of two big wooden doors that were open. I nodded to myself, and began to walk towards it. Some kids were looking at me when i walked by them. Its going to take about a week for all the kids to get used to the new face. And it was going to take me forever to get used to all of these new faces.

I turned into the big cafeteria. The roar of chatter hit my ears. I began to walk through the crowd of people that were lined up to get their food. And then i noticed Mikey sitting on the other side of the room. He was sitting with every person that i saw this morning, except the girl. But, the boy was there, so i'm fine with it.

When Mikey noticed me walking through the crowd. He stood up and smiled at me. He waved a little bit to get my attention. The boy in the Misfits t-shirt looked up at Mikey to see who he was waving at. When he noticed me waving back, a smirk appeared on his face. For some reason, that simple little smirk made me feel good inside. It made me feel like my depression wasn't there anymore.

I walked over to them and stood there. Mikey motioned for me to sit down next to him. "Hello Riley, how was Math class?"

I nodded. "It was alright."

"Mrs. Carto is a bitch right." The boy with the black hair down to his shoulders said to me. He wasn't eating anything, he just had a cup of hot coffee infront of him.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Well," This guy smiled. "I'm Gerard. I'm Mikeys older brother."

He held out his hand to shake mine. I felt my hands to see if they were clamy like they usually were. But, for some reason they weren't. I pulled out my hand and shook his. His smile didn't come off his face, and the he said. "This is Ray." He pointed to the boy with the fro.

"Hey," Ray waved at me.

"And the blonde one is Bob." Gerard mentioned. I smiled at Bob. He gave me a simple wave and then kept on eating the burger he was occupied before.

"Finally," Gerard smiled at the boy sitting across from him. "This is my bestfriend Frank. Don't worry about his shortness, we don't think he hit puberty yet."

Frank glared at Gerard and then looked over at me. "Hi."

"Well, i'm Riley." I told all them. They all nodded, when i sat down beside Mikey.

Frank was sitting with his hands in his lap. He had a salad infront of him. Bob was still sitting there eating his burger. Ray and Mikey were sharing an order of fries. And Gerard kept on taking sips of his coffee here and there. Gerard looked at me and said, "Arn't you going to eat anything?"

"No," I shook my head. "I'm not that hungry."

"Are you a non-eater like Frank?" He laughed.

"What?" I asked. "Frank doesn't eat."

"No," Gerard laughed again."He doesn't eat much here, because it all involes meat. Hes been a veggie head for quite awhile now."

I smiled. "You're a vegetarian too?" I asked in his direction.

He nodded. "Yeah, you are?"

"Yeah, i've been for about a year and a half now." I replied.

Then everyone looked to their left. I looked back to see what they were looking at. The girl that they were hanging out with before walked into the cafeteria. She looked dead, or that she was just about to pass out. I looked back at Gerard. He looked worried. He had a frown on his face as he watched this girl get closer and closer to the table.

She stood there and looked at me like i was a complete stranger, which i was. Mikey looked up at her and said. "Oh hey Chey, this is Riley."

"Cheyenne." She mummbled. She didn't look so good, something like she was just about to throw up or pass out. "Your the new girl right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, i am."

She laughed a little, as her eyes began to get dazzy. "You're the one that Mikey couldn't stop staring at this morning."

I didn't say anything. I looked over at Mikey to see him blushing a bit. Then i shifted my eyes over to Frank. He was glaring up at Mikey. I felt very awkward and out of place in this situation. And then i started to get sweaty. I think i also have a anxitey problem. I don't know really what i have. I just have alot of conditions that i don't know about that make me a messed up person.

Cheyenne took a seat beside Gerard. He looked over at her and mummbled to her. "Chey, whats wrong with you? You look really bad and you usually never act like this."

"I'm acting like myself." She snorted.

"Not really." He shrugged. "But whatever."

"So!" Ray said loudly, trying to get the awkwardness out of the air. "How about that party tonight. Are you going to come Riley?"

"Party?" I piped up.

"Yeah, a party." He nodded. "You should come so kids can get to know you."

I hesitated. "I'm not sure."

"Come on Riles." Mikey smiled at me. "It would be fun."

"Yeah Riles." Frank mummbled, reffering that Mikey gave me a nickname. "Lots of fun."

"Don't worry about him." Gerard looked over at me. "I don't know what crawled up his ass, but you should still come to the party. It will be loads of fun."

"Obviously you could say that." Cheyenne laughed. "You alcoholic."

Gerards smile turned into a frown. "Chey! What the hell is up with you? I'm not an alcoholic."

She snorted. "You are! You, Gerard Way, are a big alcoholic."

He sighed and took another drink of his coffee. Something tells me that Gerard likes her. I'm not sure why, but i have a feeling. I also have another feeling that she isn't your acting herself. Gerard seemed to be smiling this morning when i first saw them. He had his arm around her and everything. But, now his expression seemed totally diffrent.

It was silent now. Gerard and Cheyenne looked at eachother, but they didn't say anything. Frank was looking down at the table. Mikey sat there, not doing anything. Bob and Ray were still eating though like this wasn't awkward at all. But, it shouldn't be to them.

"Anyways!" Ray broke the silence once again. "Are you going to come?"

I shrugged. "Sure, why not."