A Softer World

I felt stupid waiting in front of the Way’s house, I glared at Frank’s car that was almost at the end of the street. This night was turning out to be one of my worst.

“Come on,” I said as my whole body shivered from the early morning air.

Giving up on waiting, I found the spare key, hidden under a flower pot. As quietly as I could I unlocked the door and let myself in. The house was dark and silent. I managed to make it to the basement door without tripping over anything. As I pulled open the door, I could see the flashing lights of the TV moving on the walls. I descended the stairs and could see a silhouette sitting at the couch, a black and white film playing on the television.

“Mikey?” I whispered and moved closer to the couch.

“Nope, guess again,” Gerard turned and looked at me.

A rush of guilt filled my stomach and I stared down at the floor. The room was then flooded with yellow light from the lamp that sat next to the couch on an end table. Gerard was now clad in a black t-shirt and plaid pyjama pants. I stood near the couch awkwardly; I didn’t know what to do.

“You can sit down you know,” I moved slowly over to the couch and sat as close as I could to the end.

“So, um how are you?” I asked.

“I’m alright, I guess,” he said and avoided making eye contact. “How was the rest of the party?”

“It was, um, interesting,” I said honestly. I remembered how close Alex and I came to kissing, and how much I wanted it. Also how it got interrupted by Riley. She needed to be rushed to the hospital. As soon as she woke up she freaked out when we told her where we were going. Why was she so afraid of the place, it was there to help people. It looked like she needed help.

“Oh,” Gerard said and turned his attention back to the television. Audrey Hepburn was running out of a store, wearing what looked like a dog’s mask.

“You’re watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” I said and raised my eye brow at him.

“Actually I wasn’t really watching anything, I was asleep,” he said.

“Oh, sorry, I woke you up didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright. I’m just glad you’re okay,” he glanced at me quickly and looked back at the TV.

“So, interesting day, huh?” I said.

“Yeah,” Gerard said and yawned. “Oh, your bag is in my room by the way.”

“Oh thanks,” I yawned as well. “I should go change.”

I got up from the couch and made my way to the other side of the basement. It was the only bedroom down here, the other room was a laundry room and there was also a bathroom.

“You can take the bed tonight,” Gerard said. “Seeing as I already got the couch set up.”

I hadn’t noticed but there was a sheet beneath him, and a blanket on the back of the couch. “Oh, okay. Goodnight Gerard.”

“Night Chey,” he said and got comfortable on the couch.

I entered his room, it wasn't a big room, but it wasn’t small either. The walls were painted a dark navy blue, making it smaller than it was. In the corner sat his twin-sized bed, a dresser on the opposite wall was littered with stuff, and in the corner beside the door stood a small desk. The corkboard above it had many drawings that Gerard has done.

I spotted my bag at the end of his bed. I grabbed it and pulled it up on the bed. I managed to pull out a pair of black short shorts and a white tank top. I pulled off my clothes and replaced them with my pyjamas. I sat on Gerard’s bed for at least ten minutes, I had managed to pull out the small baggy containing a small amount of crank.

A little wouldn’t hurt me would it? What if Gerard needed to get something, and walked in on me? I’m sure that he was just being nice to me because he was passed out when I decided to ditch him for Alex. He didn’t know that I picked staying at the party with Alex, over him.

Deciding against snorting the crank, I put the baggy back in it’s hiding spot and turned off the light. I crawled into Gerard’s bed and pulled the blanket up to my chin. The sheets smelled like him, cologne and cigarettes. Secretly, that was my favourite smell. There was something about the way the toxic smell of the cigarettes mixed with the alluring smell of the cologne.

When I finally fell asleep, my dreams were filled with both Alex and Gerard.

~

My eyes shot open and I sat up quickly in the bed. Gerard was leaning next to the bed, a worried expression written all over his face. He was already dressed and it looked like he had already showered.

“Chey, are you alright?” he asked as he sat on the side of the bed.

“It was just a nightmare?” I whispered.

My dream had felt so real. All I could remember though was Gerard yelling at me, and I was crying, hard.

“That’s all it was,” Gerard said and pulled me into his arms. “You’re sweating.” He reached up and felt my forehead.

It wasn’t a fever I had. I could feel my body craving the drug that sat in my bag. It was calling to me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

“I’m alright,” I said and pushed the covers off of me.

“I’ll go get you some aspirin,” he said and got up from the bed.

“Just leave them on the desk. I think I’ll take a shower first,” I said and got up from the bed as well.

I grabbed my bag and left the room and entered the bathroom. The whole bathroom was white; it sort of gave it that sterile feeling. I dropped my bag on the floor and turned to lock the door. I bent down and pulled the baggy from my bag, I also checked the time on my cell phone. I couldn’t believe that it was already two o’clock in the afternoon.

I turned on the water on in the shower, but instead of getting in. I set up a line and snorted the white powder. A feeling of relief spread over my body, it was like I could feel the drug passing through my body slowly; like liquid fire.

I hurried and got a very speedy shower. I was out in a matter of minutes. I brushed out my wet hair and tied it up into a messy bun, my bangs falling into my eyes. I pulled on a pair of black skinnies, and put on a white v-neck. I also put on my Anberlin sweater. With a bit of eye liner and mascara, I was ready for the day…or what was left of it.

Gerard was sitting on the couch when I pulled the door open, he had the bottle of aspirin and a glass of water sitting in front of him. I dropped down onto the couch and crossed my legs. I felt instantly revived.

“I’m actually feeling a lot better,” I smiled.

“That’s good,” he said, but no smile appeared on his face.

“What’s wrong,” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. He stared at the TV, but it didn’t look like he was really interested in it.

“Gee, something is wrong.”

“Is there something going on between you and Alex Webber?” he said, his words were squished together, and I could barely understand him.

“No, well…I don’t think so,” I said honestly.

“All I can remember is seeing you all over him. You two were dancing pretty close. Oh, and being really wet, I remember that too,” he stared at the floor now, refusing to look up. “Do you like him?”

“Well, um,” I said nervously. “I guess I do,” a smile appeared on my lips, when I remembered me and Alex’s almost kiss.

“Oh, well coming from a guy’s perspective,” Gerard said, a small smile appeared on his face, although it didn’t reach his eyes, like it usually did. “You could do much better.”