A Softer World

"Gerard," I said to him, as we sat outside at a picnik table. For some reason we both had free period, and we were in diffrent grades. We were just sitting down, but he was drinking volka he brought in a water bottle. I was worried about him. "Why are drinking at school?"

"Why not?" He laughed.

"Because," I replied. "You can get caught, and get in alot of trouble."

"I don't care." He smirked, downing the alcohol again.

I sighed, and looked out into the feild. There was hardly any students there, since not alot of students have free period at the same time. I would think most of them were skipping class anyways. Then, i began to think about my weekend at Franks. Well, night i should say. After our conversation when i got back from dressing, i went to bed.

I slept on his bed, and he went to go sleep in his parents room. When i awoke from a goodnight sleep, i decided to leave without Frank knowing. I tiptoed into his parents room to see him sound asleep. The dark brown blankets were wrapped around him. He snored lightly, and i couldn't help but to smile. When i walked out of his room, i put my clothes on and went right home.

When i got home on saturday, my mom was furious with me. I told her i slept at my new "friend" Cheyennes, because she would be mad if it was a boy. Then i marched straight to my brothers room to tell him all about my night. He said that it was good that i was getting social, bad because i passed out and he thinks that i'm going to fall madly inlove with Frank.

I saw Frank this morning, but he didn't say anything about me. Even that i left without a goodbye,hes probably mad at me now. But, when i was walking to my second class, he gave me a little smirk. I'm pretty sure Mikey saw it, because he looked, jealous? He doesn't really like it when i'm around Frank alot, but i haven't really been around Frank, around Mikey.

"Gerard," I took the bottle out of his hand. "Stop it! I know this is because of Cheyenne."

He sighed, and frowned in my direction. "She told me something in Gym today."

"What did she tell you?" I asked.

"She has a date," He mummbled. "With Alex."

I groaned, burrying my eyebrows together. "Did he ask her?"

"Apparently," He replied. "Right when she got to class."

"I'm so sorry Gee." I pulled him into a hug.

"No need," He sighed, pulling away. "I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"Don't say that." I said, "It'll work out."

"I hope so." He sighed, looking down at the ground.

"Well, i'm going to go," I told him. "I'll see you later."

"Bye Riley." He said to me, as i walked away from the picnik table.

I walked down the sidewalk, to the doors that lead into the junior hallway. I dugged my hands into my jean pockets and kept on walking. I looked back to see Gerard downing the volka he was sipping on before. I felt bad for him, and i'm starting to think he thinks that alcohol is the only way to take away his sadness. Sort of reminds me of my depression. Probably why we get along so well. He's probably going to be the second person i tell about it.

I looked back towards the doors. I walked up the stairs, and opend the doors ahead of me. I walked into the hallway, to notice my locker right there. I walked towards it, and grabbed my books i needed for my next class. I shut my locker and walked down the hallway. I turned the corner, to see Mikey walking down the hallway. He smirked a sad smirk my way.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to the washroom," He replied. "But, i could skip if you're bored."

"We only have a couple minutes left." I laughed.

"Are you going to go and see Frank?" He asked.

"Um, no." I lifted one of my eyebrows.

"I heard you slept at his house on Friday night." He frowned.

"Yeah, i did." I replied. "How'd you find out?"

"He was telling Bob about it." He replied. "I heard him saying that you slept over, but you left before he was awake. He'll probably forgive you though, because you guys are inlove."

"We're not inlove!" I snapped. "Now, you're acting just like him!"

I walked past him, bumping into his shoulder with mine. I walked down the silent, empty hallway. I turned a left, and noticed the washrooms right ahead. I took a deep breathe, and began to sweat. I took another deep breathe and began to walk towards the washrooms. It was the same exact washroom I saw Cheyenne walk into last Friday.

I pushed open the door to hear someone mummbling to theirselfs. I twisted my lips and waited. A couple seconds later, Cheyenne popped out of the stall. She didn't say anything to me. She gave me a weird look, and walked past her. She looked dead again, and like she was about to fall on the ground and fall asleep. For some reason, i was worried.

I heard the door slam behind me. I flintched at the sound. Then i shook my head, thinking about what i was here to do. Before i entered the stall, i looked at myself in the mirror. I put the lock on and put down the toliet seat. I sat down, and began to dig into my pocket. I took out one pill and held it in my hand. I grabbed a water bottle when i was getting my books. I grabbed it from the ontop of my binder that was on the ground.

I took off the cap and put the pill into my mouth. I drained the water back, and grabbed another one out of my pocket. I did the routine again, and put the cap back on. I set it down, and sat there, waiting for the rush to kick in. These pills are really strong, and it doesn't take that long for the affects to happen. Its wearing me out, but i need to keep on doing this.

My hands began to shake, and my head began to feel weird. I giggled to myself and picked up my stuff on the ground. I opend the door, and right when i did, girls began to walk in. And then i heard the bell ring. I walked across the washroom, and out the door. The halls were full with kids now, which made me feel awkward. The rush kept getting worse and worse by the second.

I turned a right, down into the senior hallway. The first people I saw was Bob and Frank. They were leaning up against some lockers. Bob looked over and waved with a smile. I waved back, and began to walk towards them. I was worried, and my tummy was getting ozzy. But, i ignored it and kept on walking anyways.

"Hello Riley, How are you?" Bob asked with a smirk.

Frank stayed in the same positon. He slouched his head down, but still look at me. His hood of his black sweater was pulled up and his hair was hanging over his eyes. He was wearing a little bit of eyeliner, but it was spread under his eyes. Bob still stood there, with his books under his arm. I replied, "Hey, and i'm alright."

"You look, sick." He replied.

"I need to talk to you," Frank mummbled. "Bob, can you leave?"

Bob sighed and looked over at me, then back at Frank. "Fine, i'll go and see where Ray and Gerard are. They are probably with Cheyenne too."

Bob turned around and walked away. My heart began to beat faster and faster. Frank looked at me and my heart suddenly startered to beat faster then it already was. My hands began to get sweaty and my face was getting hot. He seemed to notice. He took my wrist and pulled me closer.

"You took pills didn't you?" He whisperd into my ear.

I pulled back and looked at him funny. "How do you know?"

"Well," He sighed. "You look slightly better then you did when i picked you up on the bathroom floor on Friday night."

"I had to." I replied.

"There is no need to. I don't even think you need them. Unless you are about to commit suicide or something like that." He sighed.

"Frank," I said. "You don't want to see one of my breakdowns."

"I'd like to," He replied. "Because, i don't think they are that bad."

"I took them because i got in a fight with Mikey. Hes being dumb. Hes acting like you! He said that me and you are inlove, and i know hes just jealous. I don't know what i'm going to do if som-"

"You think i'm dumb?" He frowned.

"Well," I sighed. "When you say i want to hook up with everyone, then yes."

"And now you think Mikey is dumb?"

"No!" I snapped. "Just when he said that! Ugh, you're making me mad. You know, that is exactly the reason why i start freaking out. People get me mad, and then i get depressed. And then i take my pills so i can be normal. And you know what Frank? You're not helping."

I looked around, and noticed everyone was looking at me because of my loudness. And then i thought that everyone heard me. But, i really didn't care at this moment. When i was with Frank the other night, he was a totally diffrent person. And now hes making me mad. Also, i'm mad because i already took all the pills i had in my pocket.

I stormed down the hallway and tried to look for the nearest exit. I walked down the hallway, and opend the doors that were infront of me. I looked around the bright day, and walked down the stairs. I turned a left, and began to walk down the sidewalk. When i turned the corner, i noticed Gerard sitting on the hood of his car with his black glasses on.

He held a light cigarette in his hand, and he was tapping his other hand on his lap. I sighed and began to walk towards him. He smirked when he noticed me walking towards him. I sighed, and said "Skipping class?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"We should go somewhere, somewhere away from here." I told him.

"I didn't drink that much," He shrugged. "So i guess we could."

"Well, you did drink alot." I mentioned. "It could be a bad idea."

"Riley, trust me. It takes me alot of alcohol to get drunk. I'm a tank; it would have taken me about six of those water bottles of volka to get me drunk. So get in the passenger seat, i know the place that we could and get away from here." He smiled.

I nodded my head. "Sure."

I walked to the other side of his car and opend the door. I put my books on the ground, and put my seatbelt on. Gerard put out his smoke, and opend the door. His car smelled like a mix between aftershave stuff, cigarettes and coffee. He got into the car, and put the key in the ignition. He looked back and backed out of his parking spot.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see." He smiled, and turned out of the school parking lot.

He turned on some music. I couldn't identify the song, but i remember hearing it somewhere. Maybe my brother was listening to it some time. He bobbed his head to the song, and mummbled the lyrics. And then he began to sing louder and louder. He had a good voice. I smiled and looked out the window. We were driving through the town, driving by the mess of the rest of the cars.

"So, whats happening between you and Frank?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing is going on between me and Frank."

"I think he likes you, alot." He replied.

"How do you know?"

"Because hes my bestfriend, but I don't think he likes you as much as my brother." He laughed.

"Ugh," I groaned. "I don't know whats up with your brother. Its like hes obsessed with me, and he just met me the other day. And now hes all jealous because i slept at Franks the other night."

"You slept at Franks?!" Gee said in shock. "Damn."

I couldn't help but to laugh. He said that like he was trying to act black. "Well, what about you and Chey. She slept at your house the other night."

"She's done that a million times before." He sighed.

"Well," I replied. "It could be for diffrent reasons now."

"Shes going on a date with Alex." He frowned. "And then they'll start dating. I'll be nothing but the bestfriend, just like in the movie."

"But, in the movies, the bestfriend and the girl end up dating in the end." I mentioned.

"Well, not in this movie, thats for damn sure." He replied.

"Damn!" I mocked him.

~

It turns out that this mysterious place was just a cafe on the other side of the town. It was far away from the school though, which is good. Gerard parked his car right out front, and shut it off. I opend my door and got out. Gerard and I walked together to the door, and inside. We looked around for a seat. And then i noticed an empty one near the window.

I walked across the room and sat down. Gerard sat down in the seat across from me and took off his glasses. A couple seconds later, a blonde girl in her early twentys came up to us and said, "Hello Gerard. The usual?"

"Yep." He replied. "What do you want?"

"I'll just have water." I mummbled. The girl nodded and walked away.

"How does she know your name?" I asked.

"I come here often." He replied.

I just nodded. I observed this place to be really cozy and nice. The tables were really nice and spread out so people had room. There was counter that held pastries, and where they made the coffee. In the far corner there was a fire place, and two couches that people could sit on. I smirked and said, "You're going to have to take me to this place more often. I like it."

"I like it too. And I will."

I smiled and looked around again, and then back at Gerard. Then i thought about telling him. I really think i should. He probably would have been my first sugestion on telling. Frank just happend to be the first one to know because he found my pills. But, if that didn't happen, he wouldn't know. And Mikey wouldn't be mad at me right now. Its all my fault.

"Whats on your mind?" He asked.

Then came the girl with our stuff. She set it on the table and smiled. We both mumbled a thanks and he looked back at me for my answer. I took a deep breathe and said, "I need to tell you something."

"Are you pregnate?" He gasped. "I swear i'll kill Frank!"

"I'm still a virgin." I replied.

He let out a laugh. I groaned and said, "Gerard! This is serious."

He frowned, and stopped laughing. "Okay, what is it?"

"I have a problem." I said.

He nodded his head slowly. "What is it?"

"I have a d-de-depression." I said slowly and quietly.

"Oh wow." He went blanked faced. "You don't seem to be depressed to me."

"Well, i'm not depressed on the outside. Its the things that are in the inside of my head that make me freak out. I usually have break downs and start screaming and crying out of no where, but i'm suprised i haven't since i moved here. But, i have to take pills." I replied.

"Is that what happend at the party?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I took to much of them and ended up passing out. Frank found me on the washroom and was going to take me to the hospital. I didn't let him though. If my parents found out about me taking to many, they would freak. There always on my ass about taking the right amount."

"We're both fucked up, its alright." He smirked.

"How exactly are you?" I asked.

"I'm addicted to alcohol." He replied, "Can't you tell?"

"I could have figured that out."

He laughed a little. "Yeah, i know. I'm an alcoholic."

"And i'm a depressed freak." I sighed.

"We're so kickass, you don't even know." He smiled.

I loved how was taking this. He was so up right about it, and it was emotional telling him about it like it was with Frank. Gee can relate to me because we both do these things when we're depressed. I get nervous, or angry, and then I take them. When Gerard stresses out Chey, he takes a shitload of alcohol. Its practically the same. And hes taking it like a sweetheart.

He's taking it like a real friend.