Can't Have You

Three am the next morning, Kris and I were dragging our tired butts onto the tour buses that had arrived the night before. I hadn't seen the inside of them nor really taken notice of the outside either because of how tired I was, last night included.

As soon as I set my stuff down in my bunk, I pulled myself up and was out like light, completely dead to the world.

"Ow!" I yelled as the bus went over a pot hole, making me fly up and hit my head on my small bunk. I groaned and rubbed my now throbbing cranium. Throwing open the small curtain that hid me from everyone, I climbed out and made my way into the bathroom, toiletries in hand. I tidied myself up, not bothering to change out of my pink Barbie boxers and purple singlet.

"Morning!" Kris yelled as soon as I had opened the bathroom door, I yelled and fell over backwards in surprise as the bus hit another pot hole.

"Aw, that one's going to leave a mark." I moaned, getting up again.

"Come on sugar lump! Ya'll gotta see this here bus!" She yelled again, a southern twang in her voice as she pulled me out of the bathroom.

"Kris! What have you had?" I asked her, coming to the 'living room' part of the bus where everyone was. Chace was out cold on the small sofa, Kelsey and Theo at the 'table' arguing over something that was on her laptop while the bus driver was.. well, driving.

"See! See! A-ma-zing! Isn't it?" Kris jumped about, her eyes wide with what looked like hysteria.

'Theo! You gave her RedBull?" I sighed, staring at the four empty cans that now sat abandoned in the rubbish bin.

"And! And! And! TWIZZLERS!" She screamed, the bus going over another pot hole and Chace falling off the sofa thing, instantly alert once he had hit the floor.

"Either shut up or go away!" He grumbled, getting back up on the couch, the sound of his snores filling the air again.

"There are a few movies in the back room girls, go watch them. We've only got an hour or so before we arrive in Florida anyway." Theo said, not even looking at us.

Checking my watch, I realised I had been out for the nearly the whole ride as it was nearing lunch time. We were scheduled to arrive in Tampa at about two 'o' clock, three at the latest to get everything ready for tonight's performance at the Ford Amphitheatre at seven-thirty till eleven. We were leaving straight after to head to D.C. I was pumped for that one, cause well.. Barrack Obama's kid's were coming to watch the show. THE presidents kids were coming to watch us! Of course, the guys had no problem, they had already met and sung for the two girls, Sel and I though were ecstatic.

Grabbing a bottled juice from the fridge, I helped myself to some Pop Tarts before pulling my over excited friend down into the backroom. The backroom really only consisted of a TV and a bed. I didn't know who had gotten this room since I had passed out once I was in my own bed.

"Ooh! Movies!" Kris squealed, bouncing on the bed as she saw the many movies that had been stacked in the cabinet under the TV. The TV and cabinet had been built into the wall so they wouldn't break or something like that.

I laid on the bed and took in it's luxurious-ness compared to my own small bunk that made me hit my head constantly. I had only been laying on the bed for mere seconds but I was soon out cold again, Kris snoring lightly next to me. Did I mention that too much sugar for her means she's out like a light soon afterwards?

"Up! Up! You're late! For a bus there sure is a lot of places you can be!" Kelsey yelled, throwing open the door to the room.

Kris and I screamed, rolling off opposite ends of the bed, landing hard on the floor.

"Quick, quick! Outside in two minutes!" Kelsey yelled, disappearing from the doorway as Kris and I scrambled to get ready. I tied my hair up and hopped around, trying to tie my shoe laces as well as brush my teeth.

I was twenty minutes late so I ran off the bus, heading for the Amphitheatre, the flashing of photographers everywhere as security held them back, it wasn't until I was inside the theatre's hallway and staring at a disapproving Theo, Kelsey and a laughing Chace that I finally realised what I was wearing. I still had my pyjamas on. I groaned as I realised the paparazzi had gotten photo's of it as well.

"Oh yes Zoe, great fashion statement." Theo rolled his eyes, taking me to the stage where I was to practice with the others for our sound check.

"Zoe, remind me. How old are you?" Joe laughed, eyeing up my boxers. I scowled and ignored him, taking the mic Kenny offered me.

"I think they're cute." Nick's voice whispered in my ear as he passed me by. I felt Goosebumps on my arms and legs at his voice, a small smirk coming to my face as I watched him leave the stage with his brothers.

Two embarrassingly long hours passed before I was allowed to go and change into proper clothes, the paparazzi getting more shots as I headed to the tour bus to change, giggling but still humiliated. I finally got to have a quick shower before changing into denim shorts, a v-neck sweater and my converse, tying my hair up as I headed back to the theatre, ready to dance my wee heart out for another hour with everyone before we had to get ready for the show.

We had forty-five minutes before the concert began so everyone was in the green room either playing games or sitting around. I was laying on the couch, Nick behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist as we watched Kris and Kevin battle it out on the Wii. I was so relaxed in Nick's arms I was close to sleeping until he kissed the side of my neck, waking me back up.

"I'm up! I'm up!" I said quickly, my eyes shooting open as I stared around me, Nick's warm breath spilling over my neck as he laughed quietly. "Come on love, show time."

I got up and stretched, yawning as our parents and managers all came piling back in. Mr. Jonas said a quick prayer and then we were all out onstage, singing and dancing, the hot lights beaming down on us, the heat of them making all of us sweat as the crowd roared with applause and screaming.

It was near midnight as we all staggered back onto our buses, tired and worn out. Well, at least I was. I was used to waking up early but this whole business of going to bed near midnight was wearing me out, oh well, more Redbull I guess.

"Oh, before you go to bed here's a package. It came for you today." Theo grinned, handing me a large manila envelope. I thanked him and took it to my bunk, climbing up on it and shutting the curtain. I switched on my light, rubbing some moisturiser on my face that I had just washed, thankful for the no make-up feeling.

I was curious as to who sent me the package, it seemed flat and there was no return to sender address. Interested, I tore off one end, tipping the contents out onto my bed. With a sick stomach I stared at the photo's.

There was one of me being held by Sam in the spa, my small bikini barely covering me even if I didn't have much to cover back then. In another one, I had my shortest mini on, sitting on a couch with a bottle of vodka in my hand. The bottle hadn't been opened but the people around me were clearly seen with alcohol as well. I couldn't believe it, these photo's had been taken just after my mother had died and I had gone off the rails, I was thirteen, a few weeks off of fourteen. The final picture was one of Sam and I, kissing with his hand up my skirt. I remembered that night, it was the worst night of my life. Tears fell as I realised what would happen if these were released to the press. My career, my life would be over. There was a final note with them, with shaking hands I opened it.

Nothing stays secret for long.