Can't Have You

The jet was ready by the time we had gotten to the tarmac. I almost ran onto the plane. I had to get out of here, I was choking here, I was being held under by the weight and pain of my heart. It was officially broken beyond repair, nothing was ever going to feel the same. Nothing was ever going to be the same. I was never going to be the same.

My phone was constantly buzzing and ringing but I switched it off. They had obviously noticed my disappearance. I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't respond even to my own bodyguards who were asking me what was wrong. What was wrong? What was wrong was that my entire little world had just come crashing down and no-one, not even myself, could ever rebuild it back up. Everything I had ever known had changed; I had changed.

I hated Nick for doing that to me but more so, I hated myself for believing everything he had ever said. For believing him each time he said he loved me, that there was no-one else for him, that I was it.

The plane landed in the early hours of the morning in London's airport and I was first off, ushered to the car by Garth and Peter. Arriving back at my grandparent's, I made sure I was silent as I let myself in, tip-toeing down to my room. I wanted nothing more to crawl into bed and fall asleep, never again to wake up, to feel the emotions I was feeling, the heart ache, the pounding head ache. Switching my phone back on, I got into the bed, still dressed and waited for my phone to turn on.

Fifteen missed calls. Thirty-two new messages.

I didn't bother looking or listening to any of them, deleting each one with the push of a button. The tears continued to cascade down my face, my chest hurt so badly and my head was throbbing. Then I saw a message that was from Joe.

I decided to read it and clicked on it.

Call me. I need to tell you something.

I didn't want to talk to anyone. I couldn't talk to anyone. Not even Joe. I decided to call him later, maybe, when my head wasn't so bad and my eyes could see properly. With a broken heart and a tear-stained face, I fell into a dreamless slumber.

"Zoe? Pet, why are you home so early?" Came the voice of my grandmother.

Frowning, I blinked my eyes open and stared around, momentarily forgetting where I was. It all came rushing back though; the photos, the messages, the yelling, the breaking of phones. It all came rushing back and before I knew, I was in tears again.

"Darling, what's wrong?" Nana asked, hurrying to my side and wrapping a sweater-clad arm around my shaking body.

"It's all over nana. Nick.. he.. We're over." I sobbed, shaking with tears.

"Oh my dear." Nana gasped, hugging me to her side as I continued to cry. "Don't you worry darling. When one door shuts. Another opens, okay? You remember that poppet. If this Nicholas doesn't want you, then he obviously doesn't deserve you."

A few minutes later and nana had to leave and prepare breakfast. Pulling out a pen and a paper, I did the one I do best when my emotions get the better of me.

I wrote a song.

. . .

In the days that followed after my departure from Canada, I threw myself into my work. I did all that I could to numb the pain that seemed to get bigger and bigger each day. Theo made a comment about how I was going to over work myself soon. I didn't care, just as long as I couldn't feel anything.

"Agenda?" I asked, getting into the car as Theo pulled up.

"You're filming a commercial this morning. Photo shoot at three and then we're back on set till nine." Theo stated, driving off.

"Commercial for what?" I frowned, staring at him.

"Covergirl has asked for you to be their new face. Their paying close to a million for you, you know. Then tomorrow afternoon, Disney has asked if you could film a promo for their new 'Friends For Change' project." Theo said.

"Sure. What's this Covergirl deal about then?" I asked.

"All they want is for you to endorse some of their mascaras, lipglosses, you know and their giving you close to a million for it, Oh, and remember, next week we've got the Grammy's in Los Angeles. I completely forgot to tell you but you've been nominated actually." Theo remembered.

"Do you ever remember to tell me anything?" I sighed. "What are the categories?"

"Best pop vocal performance, best vocal performance and best new artist." He said, glancing at me. "Oh, completely forgot, we've also got the teen choice awards on Saturday."

"Theo!" I groaned. Saturday was only three days from now and he had forgotten to tell me this.

"You're nominated for some awards too." He smiled.

"Tell me then." I sighed in agitation.

"Choice breakout artist, choice love song, choice music single choice female artist, choice hottie and choice summer song." He grinned.

"What song is in choice love song?" I wondered.

"No Place Like Us." He said.

"That hasn't even been released yet." I remarked, confused.

"Yeah but it's apparently the number one most watched video on youtube." He told me.

"Weird. When's kids choice?" I asked.

"Next month. Selena and Demi are presenting." Theo said, pulling up outside a building. "Come on, let's go film a commercial."

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out to read it.

Joe:

Just because Nick
is an idiot, does that
mean you have to ignore
me too?

x J

I felt guilty reading the message, I had completely ignored all of my friends, even Kristen ever since coming back from Canada four days ago. I just couldn't face them. I'd call Joe later though, once I was finished.

I mean, there was still something he had to tell me of course.