Can't Have You

"Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl I should have known,
I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around."

I had asked for the song to be put in the album and listening to the playback, I knew why I had to do it. It was a message to Nick, but more importantly to myself. I had to tell myself not to look back cause I knew that if I did, my barriers would come crashing down and I'd be back to how I was.

"Zoe, come on doll, time to get on the plane." Theo said, Kelsey walking onto the jet. This time I was only going to be accompanied to the KCA's by Theo and Kelsey. I had gone shopping yesterday for my outfit so I was all ready to go. The awards were tomorrow night and by the time we arrived in L.A it'd be tomorrow morning.

In three weeks, during the filming for the movie I was going to be filming my first actual video clip for 'Butterfly Fly Away'. I had video's for 'Full Circle' and 'Love Song' but they were more of me performing than anything, like the JoBro- Okay, not even going there. I had now resorted to just not even thinking about them at all, worst part of it all? They were going to be both at the TCA'S, the grammys and the KCA's.

Hours later and I was waking up to the sunlight streaming in through the plane's window. We were finally in L.A. I was excited, I got to see my brothers again as well as Tommy and Lisa.

Getting off the plane, I pulled off my cardigan and scarf, my jeans and tank not doing much to cool me down. It was so much warmer than England.

"Come on, the car's waiting." Theo said, ushering me through the airport, my bodyguards flanking us as paparazzi took photo's.

"What's on for today then?" I asked, getting into the waiting limo.

"Okay, so it's your house until one, you're going to be hanging out with Selena, Demi and Taylor, they're all flying in, in about an hour. Then at four your getting for the awards which are at seven." Theo read off my agenda.

"Sweet." I said, putting my i-pod ear phones in my ear and turning my music up. It was about ten in the morning at the moment and to be honest, I just couldn't wait to get home.

In the limo I fell asleep again but only for a few seconds this time since my cellphone ringing woke me straight back up.

"Hello?" I answered it.

"Zoe? It's Jo-"

"Joe! Hey! Sorry, I swear I haven't been avoiding you, I just haven't had the energy lately to talk to anyone if you know what I mean.." I trailed off, mumbling.

"Oh, well that's okay then. Um, are you in L.A yet? It's just, I was wondering if I could meet up with you. There's something I really have to tell you and it kind of can't wait.." Joe sounded strange, not like his usual happy self.

"Um, sure, how's eleven at Starbucks sound?" I said, rather confused at how Joe was acting. He had been off with me for a while now.

"Cool, yeah. I'll meet you there. See you Zoe. Lo- Bye." Without another word Joe had hung up on me. Strange.

"Who was that and what's at eleven at Starbucks?" Theo asked, frowning at me while Kelsey jabbered away on her phone.

"Um, change of plans, I'm meeting Joe at Starbucks at eleven." I told him.

"Do you think that's wise? Considering you're current situation with that Jonas boy." He scowled. Theo and everyone else, after hearing of exactly what happened (I was forced to tell, not my decision) were currently harbouring very malicious feelings towards Nick. Not that I blamed them but it made everything so much more difficult.

"Theo, his name is Nick alright? And just because I'm not on the best of terms with him, doesn't mean I have to cut myself off from their family. Our families go like far back remember? I'm not about to cut them loose especially considering just how much they've done for me." I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"Fine, but make sure you're both secluded and I want some make-up on that face to hide those bags alright? We don't need the press getting wind of exactly what happened between you and him." Theo said sternly.

"Nick. His goddamn name is Nick!" I snapped suddenly, losing my patience. Theo 'hmphed' and ignored my comment while Kelsey finally finished her phone call.

"No matter what that little bastard's name is, I will never utter it again." She snarled, looking at me with both anger and concern.

I huffed a sigh of annoyance before turning away from the both of them and staring out the window as the expensive houses of Beverly Hills rushed past. Soon, the comforting blue and white of my house came into view and I sighed contently, getting out of the car as soon as it had parked, the flashes of the paparazzi coming from behind the large gate dad had installed.

"Hello?" I called out, entering the house, Theo and Kelsey shutting the door behind them. I frowned when I heard no answer. "Dad? Chace? Ty- Holy crap!"

"SURPRISE!" They had all yelled from the lounge as I had entered, scaring me witless.

Dad, Renee, Chace, Tyler, Caleb and even Kat were in there, a banner above them saying 'Welcome Home'. I was touched and I almost began to cry as my dad and my brothers rushed forward to hug me, murmuring how much they had missed me and stuff.

"Hey.. Renee." I finally said as the boys let go. Renee gave a little sniff and rushed forward too, hugging me. Those were the most words I had ever spoken to her and though her daughter and I hadn't got on, she made my dad happy and for that, I couldn't thank her enough.

"H-hi." Kat said timidly, not looking at me. Walking over to her, I swear everyone held their breaths. This was the first time I had seen Kat since being shot and to be honest, I held no feelings of resentment.

"Give me a hug.. sister." I smiled and she looked up, shocked but smiled and rushed forward, hugging me.

"I'm so sorr-"

"Don't even bother. It's the past now. I'm just glad you're better." I shook my head, hugging her tightly though my chest throbbed a little bit.

Twenty minutes later and after conversing with my entire family, Theo and Kelsey had to leave because they were busy arranging other things for me. Waving goodbye, I noted I had about half an hour before I had to go and meet Joe at Starbucks. I was still confused about what he wanted as I had never heard him so serious before.

I gave myself another fifteen minutes with the family before I went to go and change.

"So, has anyone heard from Aunt Laura or Kristen?" I asked, sitting back down on the couch in the lounge, Caleb next to me.

"Yeah, apparently Lisa might be getting a record deal with some low-budget label but it's supposed to be a good stepping stone for her." Dad said, his arms around Renee.

Lisa was going to be fourteen this year and Tommy was going to be an astounding nineteen. I was kinda freaked that he might think that (soon to be) seventeen year old me was a bit babyish for him to be hanging out with. Of course, he reassured me that that would never happen.

Ten minutes later and I finally excused myself so I could get ready to go and meet Joe. In my room, I smiled as I saw it was still messy like I had left it which was close to a year ago. Tidying up my books, papers and clothes, I grabbed a few garments and went to have a quick shower. After my shower, I changed into some tight dark blue skinnies, a fitted grey hoodie that read 'Straight From Da Hood Yo' and a pair of beige ankle ugg boots, tying my hair into two French plaits. I applied a bit of concealer, mineral foundation, bronzer and some mascara.

Staring into the mirror, I checked I was all ready before putting my wallet, i-pod and cellphone into an oversized handbag, applying a bit of lip balm before chucking that in there as well.

"I'll see you later." I said to Chace who was in the kitchen while I grabbed dad's keys off the counter top. I was borrowing his silver spider for the day.

"Where you off to?" Chace asked, biting into his sandwich.

"Starbucks. See ya!" I said, ducking out the door as Peter (the bodyguard) followed me out, getting into the passengers side while I got into the driver's seat, starting the car up.

I put on a pair of oversized sunnies as I began to drive, turning my music up loudly, blocking out both my own thoughts and the sounds of everything around me, arriving at the Starbucks with five minutes to spare. Parking in the lot behind the coffee shop, I got out and kept my head down, walking into the shop and going straight to a booth right at the back that was barely visible except at the right angle.

"Can I take your order miss?" A waitress asked, coming up to me with a notepad and pencil in her hand.

"Yeah, just a Dark Berry frap thanks." I said quietly, hoping she wouldn't recognise my voice or my face.

"And you sir?" She asked, turning to Peter.

"Coffee. Black." He stated simply, eyeing her up suspiciously. Ever since the shooting, I had two body guards assigned to me plus they were all incredibly wary of people who came too near me. Except for my family of course.

The waitress returned moments later with our drinks, putting them down and barely looking closely at my face. Of course, Joe had to go and ruin my whole incognito thing I had going on.

"Oh my gosh, is that Joe Jonas?"

"Oh em gee yes! I'd know that hair anywhere!"

"That's Zoe Cooper as well!"

"Are they like dating now or something?"

"Didn't she date Joe's brother though?"

The serious face of Joseph Adam Jonas suddenly appeared opposite me, a smile barely gracing his face as he locked eyes with me though I couldn't help but grin at him.

"Hey." I smiled.

"You're looking.. well." He said though his eyes gave him away.

"Nice try. You and I both know this is hard on everyone." I sighed, sipping my drink, "Anyway, enough of that. How have you been?"

"Yeah, good. Better than some I suppose." He smiled weakly, shrugging. I flinched inwardly, knowing who he was talking about. The waitress appeared once more, a bright smile on her face as she approached our table.

"C-Can I-"

"Flat white please." Joe flashed a smile back her before turning his attention to me.

The waitress tottered off and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at her. Stupid cow.

"So.." Joe trailed off.

"Yeah, how's the family?" I asked. Wow. Awkward much?

"Good. We're all just.. fine." He mumbled.

"Something you wanted to tell me right?" I asked, suddenly feeling very awkward around Joe. It was supposed to be like this around Nick, not my Joey.

"Oh yeah.. Um.. I really don't know how to say this. I mean, I've been going over and over in my head. Whether I should, whether I shouldn't. It's just with you and Nick and everything.." Joe began talking incredibly fast, I almost lost track of what he was saying.

I couldn't help but giggle at his nervousness, "Joe, just say it alright. Forget Nick, forget everything that's gone on. Just tell me before I have to force it out of you."

He let out a deep sigh before looking at me, "Okay."

"Zoe," Joe started and I grinned, "Yes Joey?"

"I-I thi-think I.."

"What Joe?" I frowned, confused as to where he was going.

"I think I might love you."

Oh holy crap.