Can't Have You

"Zoe, you don't have to do this, we can go home, I'll ju-"

"No. I don't disappoint my fans alright." I said, my voice shaking as I gripped the microphone in my hand. That's right, my brother was dead but I was still performing.

Walking out on stage, I ignored everyone's cries from off to the side, their warnings. This was my moment and I felt like I needed to do something.

"Hey London, how's everyone?" I asked to be met by raucous applause and screaming. "I'm sorry to tell you that I will be only performing one song tonight and then I'm going home."

The crowd went silent, confused at my words. Choruses of 'Why?' and 'What the hell?'

"You see, about twenty minutes ago I received a phone call telling me the worst thing I think I have ever heard in my entire life." I said into the mic, looking at the floor as I fought back tears. "My father called to say that my brothers, Caleb and Tyler, have just been in a car accident and well.. Caleb didn't make it."

There were gasps all throughout the crowd as I choked on a sob, breathing in deeply. "Now you see, Caleb was my world. All my brother's are but Caleb and I, w-we had this sp-special bond you see. He was like Su-superma-man. And I know nothing is ever going to bring him back no matter how much I wish, no matter how much I pray, no matter what I-I d-do."

"So, I'm standing here, telling you all that life is far too short to hate people, to hate yourself, to hate anything. To have grudges, to have stupid little fights with your friends. Embrace life, both the good and the bad b-b-becau-se you n-never know whe-when.. Oh god.." Tears poured down my face as I sobbed. Kelsey and Theo running out onstage, attempting to pull me off.

"No! I-I need to-" I choked on my words as I heard some people crying, some freaking out.

"I w-want to dedicate this song to my brother, Caleb. I love you Cal.." I whispered upwards.

"For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all." I began to cry harder as people had lighters, glow sticks and cellphones out, waving them in the air as they all sang with me.

"You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me"

. . .

"Daddy!" I yelled, running into my father's arms, burying my face into his chest.

"How are you doll? I saw your concert, that was beautiful baby, Caleb would've been proud." He murmured, kissing the top of my head as I cried into his shirt.

I was now back in New Zealand where we were to have Caleb buried. Buried. Wow. It's hard to imagine I had seen him, talked to him only a week ago and now I was having to bury my older brother. This wasn't how everything was supposed to go, I wasn't supposed to be preparing for the funeral of my brother and praying my other came out of his coma soon.

Yeah, you read right. Tyler was now in a coma, Things like this weren't supposed to happen except for in the movies or on TV. Someone up there had it in for me, they liked to play with my emotions, with my family and my love.

Inside the house, granddad and nana had already arrived, sitting in the lounge while Chace was in his room having not talked to anyone since the accident. Accident. It was no accident, those idiots who killed my brothers were speeding, doing nearly two hundred on the freeway. Because of them, my brother was dead and because of them, Tyler might just have brain damage or even become brain dead.

I went straight to my room, unable to cope with myself, with the comforting words that other's tried to press on me. It was weighing me down, I was like a lead weight in the deep blue sea with not even a life raft to help me out. I laid, curled up, in my bed, my tears having dried out long ago and my head throbbing with the pain of having to have dealt with so much in such a small space of time. There was a knock at my door but I didn't answer, I didn't want anyone's pity right now, I couldn't take.

"Zoe.?"

My heart pounded furiously, attempting to break out of my rib cage. "Nick?"

Turning over, I saw that curly haired boy I had fallen so hard for. It was a sight I both detested and loved every moment of.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, coming closer.

The tears shone in my eyes and in that moment when he finally reached me, wrapping his arms around me as I leant into him, moulding perfectly into his muscled frame, I knew in that instant that I could never be apart from him. I could never hurt him, I could never love anyone more than him. I couldn't see myself with anyone else, no matter how much he hurt me.

He was my everything.