Can't Have You

I got a tattoo.

What was supposed to be a morning/partly afternoon of getting a dress and accessories turned into me leaving the others to get a flipping tattoo!! Now, don't freak out (like my dad will when he finds out) it's not like some sort of rocker sign or some weird huge thing, it's just a small tribute to Caleb.

My dad is sooo going to kill me.

"Where have you been?" Chace asked when I finally found them in the Starbucks on the corner.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough. Anyway, could you take those home for me please?" I begged, "I have an appointment in fifteen at Lady Chic."

"Are you kidding? I had to carry them all day for you!" Chace scoffed, looking at me with incredulity.

"I'll give you twenty bucks!" I bribed and he grinned, "Sweet!"

"Idiot." I muttered, shaking my head at him.

"So, what time are you arriving tonight?" Nick asked as I walked back with them to the car, Chace and Kat having already left.

"Don't know. Maybe, seven-ish, I think." I shrugged.

"Okay, cool, I'll uh, give you a txt yeah? See ya." He said, giving a small smile that just upturned the corners of his mouth. I gave Joe and Kevin a hug, waving goodbye before leaving them and taking the fifteen minute walk to Lady Chic on Hollywood Boulevard.

. . .

No matter how many times I have to get my eyebrows, legs and under arms waxed, I am still never going to enjoy that. My eyebrows were now a bright red, matching my legs and underarms while my nails were painted a hot pink to match my accessories for tonight. I had bought a off-the-shoulder black dress that had a belt and had bought pink shoes, bracelets and a necklace to match.

Nearly an hour later after having my toe nails done as well, Theo picked me up, telling me both my hair stylist and make-up artist were in my room waiting for me. I groaned at the thought of Annabelle and Christa attacking my hair and face again. They weren't the most gentle of stylists but boy did they know how to style someone. Theo had been looking into getting me a stylist so I wouldn't have to worry about buying my own dresses but I liked being able to do things for myself so I had made sure he didn't try to hire someone.

Only Renee and dad were home by the time we arrived there, my dress and everything all ready for me in my room upstairs. Saying hello to my dad and Renee, I left Theo with them as I padded up the carpeted stairs, stopping when I passed Caleb's room. Looking around me, I made sure I wouldn't be noticed or heard as I turned the brass doorknob, pushing the door open slightly, the musty smell of an unlived room hitting me along with Caleb's favourite deodorant, Lynx Africa.

Looking around, a faint smile came to my lips whilst that familiar pricking of tears sprung to my eyes. His bed was as messy as he usually left it, his clothes on the floor, his drawer covered with hair products, body products and there were even pictures taped to his drawer mirror and some framed and up on his cream coloured walls, his closet partially opened, it's contents spilling out. Caleb was always the worst when it came to having a tidy room, it just didn't seem to stick in his head to keep his room tidy or at least liveable. I let out a soft, almost inaudible laugh as I saw photo of Caleb and I, our eyes crossed as we stuck our tongues out, grinning like idiots for the camera. A few tears slipped down my face but quickly gone as I brushed them away. They were tears of both grief and happiness. I knew he was in a better place I just wished that place was here on earth with me. I missed Caleb so bad sometimes it just physically hurt. That came mostly at night when I would lay awake with nothing else to do and my mind simply trying to shut down.

My heart thudded in shock as a knock came upon the door. I didn't even know if I was allowed in here or not. While trying to look for a place to hide, the door opened and dad looked around, a soft smile on his face,

"I thought you'd be in here." He sighed, stepping in and shutting the door behind him.

"I-I-"

"Don't worry. I'm not mad." He said softly, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. "Seems quiet without him around doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I said, leaning into dad's chest. Dad had been the worst when Caleb died. Not as in he'd lock himself away or anything, it was the fact he refused to acknowledge Caleb had even passed. I remembered the night before we had to bury Caleb, dad was in his room (the one in NZ), talking to no-one, as if Caleb was in there, four years old again and wanting dad to read to him. I had cried so hard, it was difficult to silence myself.

"Remember this? I took it for you two on the last day of primary." Dad smiled, looking at a photo of me in my primary uniform, Caleb with his arms around me in his Bede's uniform, both of us wearing a huge grin despite our soaked figures. It had been raining that day but it was the greatest day ever.

"Yeah, I couldn't wait to start high school." I laughed quietly, brushing away a few more tears that had escaped.

"Oh baby girl.." Dad sighed, noticing my tears. He pulled me around so I was facing him and then hugged me. It was like the dam had broken then. Without warning I burst into loud, unabashed sobs, my tear quickly soaking the front of his shirt.

"Daddy, I just want him back." I cried, "I just want him back."

"Shh, shh. We all do sweetheart.. We all do."

. . .

Sitting in my make-up chair, Annabelle told me off for having had puffy, red eyes that she was now trying to fix while Christa attacked my hair.

"Hey- What's this bandage here for?" Christa asked, lifting up my hair.

I blushed. Crap, I totally forgot about the tattoo. I had gotten it on the back of my neck and it looked like I was going to have to have my hair down for a while.

"Please! Don't tell dad!" I whispered/shrieked, batting Christa's hand away from the bandage that was covering the inked spot.

"Can we see it?" Annabella said excitedly, her eyes alight with curiosity as was Christa's.

"No! It's got to heal. When it's healed, I'll show you, but for now can we leave my hair down please?" I begged them. With reluctance Christa agreed and set about straightening my blonde locks that were had been recently trimmed so now they came to the middle of my arms, a few inches above my elbows.

"And.. Ta-da!" They turned me back around after having finished my make-up and air. I couldn't help but grin. My eyes stood out against the dark grey and sparkly eye liner of my eyes and my cheeks were done with a faint but noticeable dull pink, my lips coated thinly with clear gloss.

"Sa-weet!" I smiled, "Thank you!"

The two of them left (me promising once more I'd show them the tattoo the minute it was good) and I changed into my dress and accessories.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and checked it as I went to go and brush my teeth.


Holy crap! Guess whos
just been hired as
VOGUES newest runway
model!!!

ME!!!

Ahhh!!!

Good luck for tonight!

x x x
K

I squealed at the top of my lungs though it came out rather strangled and I almost swallowed my toothpaste and toothbrush in the process but this was amazing! Kristen was going to be modelling for VOGUE!!! That was the coolest thing ever. Could I just ask you all a question in all honesty and seriousness..

What's Vogue?