It's Better Off This Way
Jealousy is a powerful emotion.
I look at you with green eyes, the jealousy bubbling inside of me burning every nerve in my body until I’m numb. You once told me how beautiful my eyes are, but the sight in front of me is far from beautiful. Your lips are on hers and I actually feel sick, she shouldn’t have you. This isn’t the way it is meant to be babe, and you know it’s not.
You were always good at running away from things Frankie, you always knew how to get away from a problem. I want to make a pun about your height helping you dodge things but I won’t stoop that low, I’m worth more than that and so are you. She’s not though Frank, she’s the girl that’ll get drunk and sleep with someone else. Will you love her then Frankie? When she cheats on you and runs away?
I don’t think I would have minded so much if you were actually bothered about everyone’s feelings. All you see at the moment is her, everything you do, you do it for her. In a way I pity you, she’s going to break your heart babe. We’ve tried to warn you, the guys and me, but you won’t listen. You’re sure that she’s what you need and she’s in it for the long run. We’ll soon see how long it is won’t we?
I admire your ability to see the best in people, but I can’t just sit and watch you get hurt. I’ve tried to tell you what she’s doing and you won’t have it. It’s just one of those scenarios, love makes us blind.
You’ve pulled apart now and you’re watching me, I can feel your eyes on me. I look up slowly to see whether you’re going to say something to me. I’ve been so wrapped up in writing to see that she’s not in the room anymore, it’s just you and me and you’re staring at me. Having a better look at you I see there is tears in your eyes, and you expression is uniform.
“What’s the matter Frankie?” I choke out, suddenly unable to talk properly.
“She’s gone Gee.” And now a single tear rolls down your face and you sit perfectly still. You sit and wait for the tear to fall from your chin, and then you blink. The tears come thick and fast now, and each one you wipe away viciously. Inside you’re pulling yourself apart, asking yourself what you did wrong.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper suddenly and I walk over to you.
“Frankie honey, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Lie! I told him this would happen, he should have listened to me.
“I do, I didn’t listen to any of my friends, I didn’t even listen to you Gee. You’re the most important person to me and I didn’t believe you.” I sigh.
“Love makes us blind Frankie. She was a bitch we could all see it, but you liked her and we had to respect that.” I sigh, and he lets out a small sob.
“I thought she was the one Gee, I thought this was it. It’s not going to get any better is it?” You say to me and I feel like shouting at you. It could be Frankie; it could be if you were with me. I think about what he’s said for a moment[.
“It will Frankie, you need to give yourself time. You’ll heal honey; you’ll find someone who loves you the way you are. When you find this person Frank you’ll know it. I did. You’ll know it from when you first meet them; you’ll know that you won’t want anyone but them. And if it’s the right person, you’ll know that they feel the same.” He sobs harder now, and my eyes begin to sting, I cry with you.
“Why are you crying Gee?” you ask me after about 10 minutes.
“Because when you’re hurt I am.” I reply simply and you hug me. You hug me so tight, so lovingly and I never want to pull away. You make me feel safe Frank; you make these feelings feel okay. It’s never going to work though Frank, you and me; we tried that before didn’t we? Sometimes you can be too in love. I think that’s what we suffered from I believe. I don’t think we’re not compatible, I just think our feelings are too extreme.
“When you told me she was a bitch, I thought it was because you were bitter that she had me and you didn’t.”
“I was.”
“I thought you were lying because you wanted me back.”
“I wasn’t lying but I do.”
“I’m sorry Gee.” Is all you say and you walk away. You walk to your bunk and pull back the curtain. “I’m just not in a place where I can be with you right now. My heads too screwed.” I nod and the tears keep falling.
I sit and ponder for a while, thinking about how I’m going to live now, with no one to hate but myself. And then, it comes to me. I know exactly what I’m going to do.
I’m sorry we were never together Frank, we could have been something amazing. I’m sorry that you think so lowly of me. I’m sorry that your head is in such a bad place and I’m sorry that I’m doing this.
I can’t bear to be without you, and whilst you were with her I had something to hate, but now I only have myself.
What I did to you, there is no way of forgiving it. I was selfish and I was out of order. Selfish is something I do well without you. I’ve loved you since I met you Frank, and there hasn’t been a moment where you haven’t been in my mind.
What I’m about to do now I’ve tried to do before. I’ve failed. I’m going to do it right this time and you’ll be free Frankie. You’ll be able to get on with life.
It’s better off this way Frankie. I promise
You were always good at running away from things Frankie, you always knew how to get away from a problem. I want to make a pun about your height helping you dodge things but I won’t stoop that low, I’m worth more than that and so are you. She’s not though Frank, she’s the girl that’ll get drunk and sleep with someone else. Will you love her then Frankie? When she cheats on you and runs away?
I don’t think I would have minded so much if you were actually bothered about everyone’s feelings. All you see at the moment is her, everything you do, you do it for her. In a way I pity you, she’s going to break your heart babe. We’ve tried to warn you, the guys and me, but you won’t listen. You’re sure that she’s what you need and she’s in it for the long run. We’ll soon see how long it is won’t we?
I admire your ability to see the best in people, but I can’t just sit and watch you get hurt. I’ve tried to tell you what she’s doing and you won’t have it. It’s just one of those scenarios, love makes us blind.
You’ve pulled apart now and you’re watching me, I can feel your eyes on me. I look up slowly to see whether you’re going to say something to me. I’ve been so wrapped up in writing to see that she’s not in the room anymore, it’s just you and me and you’re staring at me. Having a better look at you I see there is tears in your eyes, and you expression is uniform.
“What’s the matter Frankie?” I choke out, suddenly unable to talk properly.
“She’s gone Gee.” And now a single tear rolls down your face and you sit perfectly still. You sit and wait for the tear to fall from your chin, and then you blink. The tears come thick and fast now, and each one you wipe away viciously. Inside you’re pulling yourself apart, asking yourself what you did wrong.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper suddenly and I walk over to you.
“Frankie honey, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Lie! I told him this would happen, he should have listened to me.
“I do, I didn’t listen to any of my friends, I didn’t even listen to you Gee. You’re the most important person to me and I didn’t believe you.” I sigh.
“Love makes us blind Frankie. She was a bitch we could all see it, but you liked her and we had to respect that.” I sigh, and he lets out a small sob.
“I thought she was the one Gee, I thought this was it. It’s not going to get any better is it?” You say to me and I feel like shouting at you. It could be Frankie; it could be if you were with me. I think about what he’s said for a moment[.
“It will Frankie, you need to give yourself time. You’ll heal honey; you’ll find someone who loves you the way you are. When you find this person Frank you’ll know it. I did. You’ll know it from when you first meet them; you’ll know that you won’t want anyone but them. And if it’s the right person, you’ll know that they feel the same.” He sobs harder now, and my eyes begin to sting, I cry with you.
“Why are you crying Gee?” you ask me after about 10 minutes.
“Because when you’re hurt I am.” I reply simply and you hug me. You hug me so tight, so lovingly and I never want to pull away. You make me feel safe Frank; you make these feelings feel okay. It’s never going to work though Frank, you and me; we tried that before didn’t we? Sometimes you can be too in love. I think that’s what we suffered from I believe. I don’t think we’re not compatible, I just think our feelings are too extreme.
“When you told me she was a bitch, I thought it was because you were bitter that she had me and you didn’t.”
“I was.”
“I thought you were lying because you wanted me back.”
“I wasn’t lying but I do.”
“I’m sorry Gee.” Is all you say and you walk away. You walk to your bunk and pull back the curtain. “I’m just not in a place where I can be with you right now. My heads too screwed.” I nod and the tears keep falling.
I sit and ponder for a while, thinking about how I’m going to live now, with no one to hate but myself. And then, it comes to me. I know exactly what I’m going to do.
I’m sorry we were never together Frank, we could have been something amazing. I’m sorry that you think so lowly of me. I’m sorry that your head is in such a bad place and I’m sorry that I’m doing this.
I can’t bear to be without you, and whilst you were with her I had something to hate, but now I only have myself.
What I did to you, there is no way of forgiving it. I was selfish and I was out of order. Selfish is something I do well without you. I’ve loved you since I met you Frank, and there hasn’t been a moment where you haven’t been in my mind.
What I’m about to do now I’ve tried to do before. I’ve failed. I’m going to do it right this time and you’ll be free Frankie. You’ll be able to get on with life.
It’s better off this way Frankie. I promise