It's Better Off This Way
There is no ***ing way I'm letting you leave me.
I hear a bang and get out of bed. My heart aches and my head pounds, tonight has probably been one of the worst nights of my life. I can’t see any way of it getting worse. I walk towards the living area to see what’s happened. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw, and my bad day just got a lot worse.
You were laying face down on the floor, shotgun in your hand next to your head, blood flooding the carpet underneath your beautiful face. I scream, I scream so loud yet I can’t even hear it. I’m not even functioning, Mikey comes into the room and bursts into tears, Bob comes now and he swears. I walk up to you. Sobbing, I fall to my knees beside you.
I tangle my fingers in your blood-matted hair. You can’t be gone Gee, I’ve loved you for so long, you can’t be gone, you can’t. I turn you onto your front so that I can see your beautiful face. There is some blood tainting your beauty but it’s still there. You’re so pale, paler than I’ve ever seen you before, even with the help of stage make up. I grab your hand and anger overcomes me.
“How could you do this to me!” I scream at you. “You’ve left me here alone Gerard! What am I supposed to do now? Am I meant to just keep going? I’m supposed to move on and find something new?” I scream louder and louder, shaking your body, trying to make you listen to me, pleading silently that you still have life in you. We all know you’re gone for good this time but I refuse to believe it.
“You’re not leaving me that easily Gerard! There is no fucking way I’m letting you leave me. Not again. Not now, not ever.” My voice has lowered to talking loudly and I look over you. In your over hand there is a piece of paper, my name is at the top. I snatch it from your cold hand and read it.
She shouldn’t have you, no she shouldn’t have! She was a distraction, a distraction from you! You’re the one that hurt me remember? You’re the one that slept with him. I finish reading the note and thrust it at Mikey, at least then he’ll understand this tragic situation. Gerard, I can’t believe you’ve been so selfish, I can’t believe you left me! After all this time, you’ve just fucking gone. Forever. Well that’s it, if you’re not here, neither am I.
I remove the gun from your hand and place it to my head.
“Frank! No! I can’t loose you as well!” He’s going to have to; I can’t be here without you.
“I can’t…I can’t live without him Mikes.” I whisper.
“Frank please, for me please. I can’t loose my brother and my best friend, I just can’t.” He runs up to me now and forcefully removes the gun from my hand.
I collapse on your chest sobbing. Come back please just come back. I cry and cry into your shirt, until the undertakers come to take away the body. I scream as they put you into their car, I scream like a girl who’s lost their mum. You were everything to me Gerard, and now you’ve taken that away. I never knew you could be so selfish.
Mikey comes to me and wraps his arms around me and he doesn’t let go. We stand outside in the rain just crying together. I cry until my chest hurts and I can hardly breathe, we cry until we can’t cry anymore. We go back into the house when I notice Mikey is shaking, I can’t believe I’m going to have to take care of him now. That was your job Gerard! Now I’m doing your job.
We sit in the house and don’t talk, I make us both coffees knowing he won’t refuse and we sit there silently drinking it. There is a minute amount of comfort in having company, but not much. I sit next to Mikey leaning on him for support, both mentally and physically. I can’t believe you’re gone. You’re actually gone.
I’m angry at you, I’m sad, I’m disappointed but most of all I’m grieve stricken. You were so important to my everyday life and I don’t have that anymore. I’m going to carry on Gerard; the main reason is to spite you. For being such a coward I’m going to make you wait as long as I can for you to see me again. Let’s see how you feel when you know you won’t see me until I die. Eventually I fall asleep whilst holding Mikey. He’s all I’ve got now, and we’re sticking together. No matter what.
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I know it's a bit crap.
Consrtustive Critisism?
Comments?
You were laying face down on the floor, shotgun in your hand next to your head, blood flooding the carpet underneath your beautiful face. I scream, I scream so loud yet I can’t even hear it. I’m not even functioning, Mikey comes into the room and bursts into tears, Bob comes now and he swears. I walk up to you. Sobbing, I fall to my knees beside you.
I tangle my fingers in your blood-matted hair. You can’t be gone Gee, I’ve loved you for so long, you can’t be gone, you can’t. I turn you onto your front so that I can see your beautiful face. There is some blood tainting your beauty but it’s still there. You’re so pale, paler than I’ve ever seen you before, even with the help of stage make up. I grab your hand and anger overcomes me.
“How could you do this to me!” I scream at you. “You’ve left me here alone Gerard! What am I supposed to do now? Am I meant to just keep going? I’m supposed to move on and find something new?” I scream louder and louder, shaking your body, trying to make you listen to me, pleading silently that you still have life in you. We all know you’re gone for good this time but I refuse to believe it.
“You’re not leaving me that easily Gerard! There is no fucking way I’m letting you leave me. Not again. Not now, not ever.” My voice has lowered to talking loudly and I look over you. In your over hand there is a piece of paper, my name is at the top. I snatch it from your cold hand and read it.
She shouldn’t have you, no she shouldn’t have! She was a distraction, a distraction from you! You’re the one that hurt me remember? You’re the one that slept with him. I finish reading the note and thrust it at Mikey, at least then he’ll understand this tragic situation. Gerard, I can’t believe you’ve been so selfish, I can’t believe you left me! After all this time, you’ve just fucking gone. Forever. Well that’s it, if you’re not here, neither am I.
I remove the gun from your hand and place it to my head.
“Frank! No! I can’t loose you as well!” He’s going to have to; I can’t be here without you.
“I can’t…I can’t live without him Mikes.” I whisper.
“Frank please, for me please. I can’t loose my brother and my best friend, I just can’t.” He runs up to me now and forcefully removes the gun from my hand.
I collapse on your chest sobbing. Come back please just come back. I cry and cry into your shirt, until the undertakers come to take away the body. I scream as they put you into their car, I scream like a girl who’s lost their mum. You were everything to me Gerard, and now you’ve taken that away. I never knew you could be so selfish.
Mikey comes to me and wraps his arms around me and he doesn’t let go. We stand outside in the rain just crying together. I cry until my chest hurts and I can hardly breathe, we cry until we can’t cry anymore. We go back into the house when I notice Mikey is shaking, I can’t believe I’m going to have to take care of him now. That was your job Gerard! Now I’m doing your job.
We sit in the house and don’t talk, I make us both coffees knowing he won’t refuse and we sit there silently drinking it. There is a minute amount of comfort in having company, but not much. I sit next to Mikey leaning on him for support, both mentally and physically. I can’t believe you’re gone. You’re actually gone.
I’m angry at you, I’m sad, I’m disappointed but most of all I’m grieve stricken. You were so important to my everyday life and I don’t have that anymore. I’m going to carry on Gerard; the main reason is to spite you. For being such a coward I’m going to make you wait as long as I can for you to see me again. Let’s see how you feel when you know you won’t see me until I die. Eventually I fall asleep whilst holding Mikey. He’s all I’ve got now, and we’re sticking together. No matter what.
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I know it's a bit crap.
Consrtustive Critisism?
Comments?