Lunara, I Regret It all

I never expected her to die.
I don’t know, I guess I’ve always just been so confident in myself; my skills, my scientific abilities, that I was positive I could save her.
God damnit, I should’ve listened to Gin when he told me about her coughing up blood. Hell, I should’ve listened to HER when she complained about her dizzy spells and constant fainting.
But of course, I was selfish. It was all my fault because what I wanted to do involved having her as a host who was most likely going to die because of it.
Her name was a clear reference to the moon. It represented her well. Her spiritual power was taken directly from it, along with her appearance.
Blue eyes, blue hair, pale skin.
Perfect figure.
The perfect specimen for something I’ve always wanted to try.
There was Cirucci, Halibel, Loly, Menoly, Lilinette… But they weren’t as… perfect as her.
Lunara.
I knew from the moment that I took her as my own Fraccion (the only one who wasn’t edible) since she really had no where else to go.
I desired her. I was going to make her mine, whether she wanted it or not.
She was perfect.
And well, two perfect beings together.
I suppose, there’s only room for one.
Gin brought her to me after Aizen had gotten Grimmjow to forcibly rip her mask off, the chain from her chest, just to make her who she was.
Once I layed eyes on her, I needed to experiment. Right away.
What I’ve wanted to do for so long was going to happen.
My, she was evil. A blood thirsty, sex-crazed woman.
Don’t get me wrong, I refused to have a sexual relationship with her.
Well, until the experiment failed more than thrice.
And it wasn’t until our bare bodies touched when I knew that she was what I wanted, and that she was going to make my fantasies happen.

I grew impatient.
My experiment was so simple, and yet waiting such a long time for the result. I created a drug to make it go by faster.
That was probably what killed her.
I hadn’t let her body adjust to the specimen long enough.

My experiment was just to produce a clone.
I wanted a clone, one that could take my place if I were to die.
But I couldn’t figure out any other way to make it happen unless I had a host.
It was like raising a child, except myself. Or so I thought.

Despite her state, I still made her go through numerous battles, experiments and such. Putting her through so much stress and violence.

She was constantly in pain, constantly fainting, dizziness, coughing up blood. The child was stronger than her. I realized this early in the pregnancy, yet I didn’t. do. A. thing. I let her suffer, I let the child become over and take over her strength.

I was so impatient. I created a drug. To speed up the development of the child so I could get on with the programming.

I hate myself for it now.

Gin had come up to me one day, telling me how poorly she had been doing and how worried, how WORRIED, he was about Lunara.
Gin, worried, about MY Lunara.

At the time, I didn’t care! I didn’t give a shit! But when Gin becomes worried about something of my own, I should’ve cared! I should’ve done something.

Tears. No, I can’t be crying.
I’m an Espada, I’m stronger than that. So much stronger.
But Lunara. Before her, I never let anything get in my way. But I’ve been so god damn weak. I hate her!

Weeks passed.
It only took 3 months for her to be in her full state, thanks to my drug.
It was then when she really started to fall apart.
She would miss meetings, blood on the floor in the halls, vomit, outbursts, everything.

Aizen wanted her gone, but I had told him, that once the child was finished with it’s development, she would be back to normal and ready to fight again.

The birth was the worst part. Screaming, bleeding, threatening.
It wasn’t until she grabbed my collar pulling me in, that I realized I made a huge mistake.
“Who’s more important? Me…. Or the clone?”
She whispered.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
She mumbled that.

I figured that would be normal.
But… it wasn’t.

She meant it.

It wasn’t like one of those romantic births. Where they take it back at the end. She meant it, and if she didn’t, she wasn’t able to take it back.

She lived 3 hours after that. I instructed Lumina and Verona to look after the child while I tried to collect everything, and try and heal Lunara.
Gin was standing by the whole time. For a first time, he wasn’t smiling. In fact, his eyes were opened, just a little.

That’s when I knew I had messed up badly.

She continued to mumble those 3 words. Until she began coughing. Blood spurting from her throat, dribbling down her chin.
She was hysterical now. Sobbing, coughing, blood.
“Just… let me see… I want to see.” She cried out.

I called for my two fraccion to bring the child into the room.
Lumina held it out for her. She smiled, barely noticeable. Hacking once more, Lumina got overly excited, nearly dropping the damn thing.
(I should’ve done something with their IQ)

I grasped the thing back into my own arms, my gaze never leaving Lunara.

She smiled at me, a mocking smile. She whispered the 3 words again, before drifting to sleep.
A sleep she wouldn’t and couldn’t be woken from.

“I think she’s dead, Szayel Aporro.” Gin said, turning towards the floor.

I scowled at him, sharply turning away and heading into my lab. I refused to show any emotions.

I lay the child down on one of the tables, which I had generously placed a sheet on, for it’s own comfort.
It had my pink hair, my complexion. It was identical to me. I lifted it’s eyelids. Blue eyes. Of course.
Her genes were going to interfere, I should’ve known that.
Gender.

A girl.

A clone, and what does that ungrateful scum give me? A girl. A girl with HER eyes. And who the hell knows what her personality could be.

I smile though.
A daughter.

Finally, the overwhelming feeling is coming over me. I’m shaking. Tears falling from my own eyes, burying my head in my arms. Heavily sobbing.

She was gone. I had tortured her. It was all my fault. I failed to realize it until now.

“Father… are you alright?”

“Yes, Rose, forgive me. It’s late, why are you still awake?”

”I… heard something coming from in here…”

“Go back to sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.”

”Yes father, sorry for disturbing you.”

I named her Amanecer Rose Granz. The age of 3, yet I used the same drug to speed up her growth.
Amanecer Rose, my dawning rose.
She is my clone. Aside from her eyes, gender and personality malfunctions from Lunara.

She’s more than just new Fraccion. She’s mine.
She addresses me as father, in public, Szayel-sama.
Lunara.
She hasn’t asked about her yet.
I fear the day.

I don’t think I’ll be able to state this the same way again. For now, I’ll keep Rose here. I don’t want to expose her to this.

Oh, what have I done?