Sometimes Resisting Is Easier Than Giving In

Courtney, Sebastian, and I were watching rehearsal for the MTV show and we were getting bored. Bas was starting to fidget on my lap and was trying to fins his way off my lap. The staff at the studio kept moving things as soon as the guys started playing Poppin’ Champagne they would then have to stop. We kept hearing the beginning of the song over and over.
“Do you want to go down stairs and walk around or get something to eat?” I asked her during a break.
“Yea, I’m starving.” Courtney said standing.
I started to walk over to Alex when a guy stood in front of me. I looked at him like he was supposed to move.
“You can’t go over there. You don’t have clearance.”
“What is this, the FBI? That’s my boyfriend.” I said slightly annoyed.
“If I believed every girl that said that…”
“Hey, she is my girl. Let her over here.” Alex interrupted the security guy.
I tugged Courtney behind me and she shot him a dirty look. Zack pulled her into a hug and mumbled something about being sorry for taking so long. Alex slipped his guitar off his body and handed it to Jack, and then he grabbed both my hands and kissed my cheek.
“What’s up lovely?” He asked me.
“Court and I want to go get something to eat downstairs while you guys do this. I just wanted to tell you.”
“Sorry, I know this must be boring to watch.” He smiled while brushing some hair away from my face.
“It’s getting there. It was okay until the started moving things and made you start over and over.”
“I know. Rian’s getting real pissed.”
I looked at Rian who had heard what Alex said. He was nodding and didn’t look too happy.
“Well when you’re done call us and we’ll tell you where we’re at. You guys can get something to eat and then we can come back up here and watch you guys get ready.”
“Sure, if you’re still eating by the time we’re done.” He promised me.
“Bas and I will be there.” I promised him. “You have to eat something.”
“Okay.”
I pushed my lips to Alex’s quickly and then turned to Courtney and Zack. They were in the middle of an Eskimo kiss and then he kissed her on the lips quickly before pushing her towards Bas and me. She reluctantly let go of his hand and walked with me out of the studio.
“Where are we going for food?” She asked.
“How should I know? I’ve only been to New York once, and it was a trip for you.”
“Ahhh but remember who took us?” She asked elbowing me.
“Alex.” I said smiling.
“Yep, loaded us into his truck and wouldn’t tell us where we were going.” She remembered.
I put Sebastian on the ground when we reached a less populated area of the building and adjusted his leash.
“I think it was all part of a plan to just spend a few nights in a hotel room with the two of us.” I said.
“No, more like with you.”
“Well he said it was a trip for you to go take pictures and all that.”
“This was near Central Park though, not Times Square.”
“Fine, I’ll give you that. Let’s not let this building get out of our sight.”
“Good idea. Though if we did get lost we could just get Sebastian to sniff our way back.”
“Too many smells here for him. He’d take us to somewhere with food.”
We both laughed and Sebastian walked on ahead of us oblivious to our conversation. He was sniffing at everything that came anywhere near his nose. We made it outside and I wished I had brought a sweater for him though he seemed to not care. There was clouds covering the sky and the forecast for the last day of the year was snow, same with the first day of next year. Too bad Alex was leaving, then again he wasn’t much of a fan of the snow. He loved the sun.
Courtney and I walked into the first restaurant that we found with a seating area for people with dogs. We were seated under a heating lamp and then an order for the drinks we wanted was taken. While looking over the menu we talked about what tonight was going to be like. Courtney was dreaming about kissing Zack when the ball dropped and I rolled my eyes at her. It was such a cliché thing to do, then again I would be flattered and ecstatic if Alex and I did the same. It was one of those things that I said was dumb but loved.
Sebastian didn’t care one way or another about the ball that was going to drop in Times Square. He wasn’t thinking about kissing anyone. He just laid on the ground under the heater and looked lazily up at me. It was funny how if he knew that Alex was in the same vicinity he didn’t care but as soon as he left Sebastian was a wreck. I wondered if he was going to be the same way when he and Alex left without me or if he would be fine.
The waitress came back with our drinks and then took our orders. It was at that exact moment that I got a text from Alex saying that they were done and he wanted to know where we were. I quickly tapped out a reply and told the waitress that four more people would be joining us shortly. Courtney was visibly more excited when she knew they were on their way.
Two more tables and four chairs were attached to our table and we waited. A few little white flurries of snow started to fall but evaporated before they hit the ground. Sebastian licked at them but then put his head back down and shut his eyes. He was happy under the heat lamp.
A few minutes later four boys walked out and joined our table. Alex sat next to me and Jack next to him. Zack sat next to Courtney and Rian sat next to Zack. Sebastian regarded them with a look and then went back to his nap. Alex thought it was funny how arrogant Sebastian seemed to be at the moment. Sebastian looked up without lifting his head when Alex laughed. He was interested but lost that interest soon enough.
The waitress from before came back and I could see that she was beside herself. This was not what she was expecting when I said four more people were going to be joining us. I knew from that split second it took to register in her face who was here that she was a fan of All Time Low.
“Oh Hai!” Jack waved at her. “How are you?”
“I’m g-g-good.”
“Cold?” Rian smiled politely.
She nodded. “Can I ask you what you’d like to drink or eat?”
“Sure…” Zack said putting a menu down and ordering.
The rest of them did the same and she walked back into the restaurant.
“You guys so just made her day.” Courtney said not looking away from Zack.
She always seemed to be looking at him. Courtney was absolutely amazed with him and every thing he did. I would have thought that after a few months she would have gotten used to his perfection, as she described him, but she never seemed to. When he saw that she was watching him he turned and caught her unprepared lip to lip. I looked down at my plate to avoid staring but my ears went red.
Alex, who had his arm around me, tugged on the top of my ear and waited for me to look at him. When I did his smile broke and his teeth showed though.
“Why are you blushing?” He asked me quietly.
“Zack and Courtney.” I explained.
He nodded when he glanced at them. It was no secret that I got embarrassed when I witnessed other people’s intimate moments.
“I think you look nice like this.” Alex smile knowing what affect that was going to have on me and traced his fingertips along my cheekbone to emphasize.
I blushed harder and looked at my hands twiddling in my lap. Alex grabbed my hands and pulled them to his lap. There he played with them absentmindedly and I was aware that we were the ones being watched now. My blush got deeper.
“You’re so silly.” Alex whispered in my ear.
I turned my face to kiss him quickly. He had no intention of letting it be a quick kiss so when I pulled away he was sad. Luckily to save me the waitress came back out and I sat up straighter. Alex would not let go of my left hand; he was determined to keep that in his lap and I let him.
Jack immediately started flirting with the waitress without thinking about it. He was just a flirtatious boy when it came to girls and we could all see the effect it was having on her. We noticed the way she had to concentrate harder on her task in order to talk to Jack and match his playful banter as she did her job without stepping over the line. The only one at our table who wasn’t interested in this little display was Sebastian who lolled on the ground at the foot of the heat lamp. I reached down to give his side a pat and he looked at me as if I should have a reason for interrupting him. Then he licked my hand and his tail started to wag.
The rest of our late lunch was centered on talking about the show tonight and the plan for tomorrow. It seemed like half of us wanted to get up in the morning and do a little shopping and the other half just wanted to spend the morning in bed asleep before their departure. I knew that I was going to be wherever Alex was and so far that looked as if he was undecided. It all depended on how much partying happened tonight and how later we were up.
Jack continued his flirting with the waitress and she eventually slipped him her phone number. After he’d plugged the number into his phone, something he rarely did, he scrawled his number on the same napkin hers was on and handed it back to her. When she saw that his number was there her face lit up. Everyone waited until she was inside and out of hearing distance before starting in on Jack about the girl. He just smiled at us and responded with, “What? She’s hot and she likes me.”
After lunch we all got up, mine and Alex’s lazy dog included, and started on the walk back to the MTV/TRL studios. Alex and I led the way with Sebastian all the way in the front and Courtney headed up the back with Zack. The other two were somewhere in between talking about something unimportant. I thought I caught something about Jack inviting that waitress to the party tonight, but I couldn’t be sure.
We got back to the MTV/TRL studios after a few more moments of walking and went into the building. The warm air seemed to be a wall waiting to allow us into it and keep the cold outside. I shivered from the temperature change and Sebastian shook out his coat. Rian, Courtney, and Zack went up into the building where the studio for the show was. When I started to follow them Alex grabbed my hand and gave me a look that meant he wanted to go somewhere else. I followed him unquestioningly though the bottom floor and out the back door to our bus. Sebastian waited at the door for one of us to pick him up since he didn’t like jumping into the high bus.
Rian’s girlfriend Kara was just getting up and I suddenly felt bad about not calling her to ask if she wanted to get lunch with the rest of us. Then again letting her sleep was probably a good idea as well. She yawned and waved at us. I told her where Rian was and Alex tossed her a pass so she could get to him. She went to clean herself up in the bathroom on the bus and get dressed into day clothes. Alex walked into the back of the bus while I took Sebastian’s harness and leash off him.
Sebastian hopped up on the couch and curled up contentedly against a pillow when I released him. I tossed his walking gear on the table and made a mental note to put it away later. The next place I went to was the back of the bus to figure out where Alex had gone. If he had gone here instead of going to the studio there was a point and he must have wanted to talk to me or something.
Alex was face down on the couch in the back with his face buried into his arms. I sat on the floor next to his head and tugged his beanie off. He made a small resistance to that by pinning the side of his head to his arm but I managed to slip it off anyways. It was all better when I started running my fingers though his hair after resting my chin on the cushion and looking at him.
“What’s the matter baby?” I asked him.
“I’m so scared.” He mumbled into the couch.
I laid my head on the pillow that he was hiding his face in. He moved and arm away from his face and picked up my hand while peeking at me with one eye. After a patient moment he turned his head so that both his eyes were staring at me and he was just looking. I could see in his wide, brown eyes the extent of his fear. He looked like he was waiting for me to tell him something to make it all go away.
“Don’t be scared.” I kissed him. “You’ll be fine and I’ll be there.”
“I know, I know. I’m just so scared. There will be people all over watching us.”
“Sit up.” I said standing from my position on the floor.
Alex listened to me and pushed himself up with his arms. I turned and sat next to him on the couch close enough that our legs were tightly pressed together. The warmth there seemed to help him. I pulled him into my arms and kissed the top of his beanie less head.
Alex locked his arms around my waist and forced us into a lying position on the couch. I was on the bottom but I didn’t mind the weight that his body provided pressing against my chest, stomach, and hips. In fact I invited it and wished we could stay like this for a very long time.
That’s when the shaking started. Alex must have been freaking himself out by thinking about the show too much and was scaring himself to death. He was just a bundle of nerves. All I could think of was to kiss him and rub his back. I had never dealt with this before because he always just seemed so confident. It was weird.
Kara came out of the bathroom and saw Alex and I. Alex moved his head so that it was on the other side of mine and blocked so she couldn’t see his face. He was still shaking but I could feel how tense he’d gotten in an effort to stop it. Kara began was walk towards us.
“Is he alright?” She asked cautiously taking another step closer.
“Yea, he’s just nervous.” I explained. “He’ll be fine. Go see Rian.”
“Call me if you need me. I’ll come back.” She said before she left.
When the door shut on the bus Alex picked his head up. It was just us now and he could relax a little. He was still shaking and he was still nervous but he wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. I could almost see the panic washing over him in waves and then exiting his system though the shaking.
He looked down at me and I put my hands on his cheeks as I looked back up at him. Maybe this is what he needed. Maybe all he needed to know was that I was there and that I was going to stay there. He just had to search my eyes to see that I knew he could do this and then he could know that he was capable.
Absentmindedly I ran my fingertips over his smooth face and then realized that this had become a habit when he had a beard. I had sadly watched him shave it off this morning in the hotel bathroom. He smiled a tiny smile when he realized what I was thinking about.
“You’ll be great.” I told him.
He nodded. “I believe you. I love you.”
Alex lowered his head and then hesitated just before kissing me to stare into my eyes again. His shaking had stopped the moment our lips touched. Since it seemed to help him, I let him turn the kiss into a make out. From the way he was pushing it didn’t feel like I was going to have to stop him. For the moment I was his medication to stop the shaking and that was all I wanted to be.
My hands trailed his sides causing a new kind of shiver to shoot down his spine with each stroke of my hand while his hands went to my hair. Alex didn’t know it, but if he tried to go further than this he would have been met with no resistance what so ever because if would have helped him calm down and get his mind off his nerves and I would have done anything to help him.
However he was the one to end the make out when I started to push. He didn’t mind my hands in his shirt but as soon as one hand touched the button on his jeans he grabbed my hand and stopped me.I didn’t like that.
“Sorry.” I smirked at the irony.
“It’s okay.” He said seeing the hilarity of what had just occurred. “We should be getting back to the studio.”
“Do you think Bas will be okay alone?” I asked as my eyes raked the back of the bus for Sebastian.
“It will only be a few hours. If we leave dinner for him he should be fine.”
“Okay.” I agreed tentatively.
I didn’t know how I felt about leaving him alone on the bus. Then again our bus driver was going to be on the bus and Sebastian wouldn’t be totally alone. There would be someone to watch him and take him out if he had to go to the bathroom. He would be fine when everyone piled onto the bus drunk on champagne to go back to the hotel because he was good at avoiding drunk people. I just worried about him because he was my baby.