Oh, me! Oh my, Ella!

I stared at the plastic stick equipped with a red plus sign for minutes, trying to understand just what exactly that meant. Then, snatched it from Robin’s hands.
“Holy shiz, Robin. You’re pregnant.” I said in awe.
“You think?” She replied, sarcastically.

Robin having a kid, never came into my thoughts before that. Well, it has, but I always thought she would throw them out the window or something....Don’t ask.

Now, as I stared at the off-white pregnancy test, I realized two things:
How awesome Robin would be as a mom who raised her kids to take over the playground and terrorize people just as she did…
And, that I was holding something in my hands that she peed on.

I quickly threw the contaminated object back into Robin’s hands, and gave her a curious glance.
“So...?” I said, breaking the ice.
“So.” She mocked.

I took a deep breath. “Are you thinking about abortion?” I asked, closing my eyes, hoping to block out the answer I didn’t want to hear.
But, instead, she proved me wrong.
“No.” She said, and I opened my eyes to see her move a loose strand of her red hair behind her ear. “I’m going to keep it.”

I looked at her, oddly.
“Keep it? Like you’ll have it and then give it up for adoption?” I asked.
“No.” She said, shaking her head. “Like raising it, keeping it.” She finished and then walked out of the room.

My mouth was left wide open.

“Do you realize that this is a being? A crying, nose-blowing, pooping “being” that comes with responsibilities. And you killed my hamster when I went off for summer camp in the third grade, because you thought hamsters didn’t need food.” I yelled out, following her into the living room.

She sat on the couch, and Zach looked back-and-forth from me to Robin with wide, confused eyes.
“This is a person, you know? They need food, just a memo, if you are actually serious about this.” I finished, crossing my arms.

Zach casually turned off the t.v and turned to me.
“Is Robin trying to order a Russian husband off of e-bay again?” He asked.

“No.” Robin said, and then turned back to me. “But, you know, that could work. I might need a “father figure” sometime or later, and some of them are so debonaire.”

Zach looked at me with questioning eyes, mouthing “what’s going on.”
“We’re going to have a baby in the appartment in nine months.” I answered.
“WHAT?” Zach nearly yelled. “We haven’t even had sex yet. How are we pregnant?”

Sometimes, I swear that boy has no brain cells left in that cute little head of his.

Robin nearly screamed.
“No, Zach. I’m pregnant. Remember? Raped by Geno at a party. I was sick these last two mornings. Ring any bells?” She spoke, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Oh, yeah....It’s okay. Elle and I are going to kill him and Alex tomorrow.” Zach said, smiling.

Robin looked over to me for an explanation.
I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the long story I would tell in a matter of seconds.
“Alex wanted to get me back for the caffeteria incident, so he took one of my pictures, cut out my head, and put it into the body of a naked play boy model. Then passed it out on a flyer with all my contact information, reading “will give sex for tuition.” Then I got many phone calls, even one asking for a three-some with me and you, and something about a horse....” I said, stopping for an instant, trying to remember, but Zach grunted bringing me back from my thoughts.

“Oh yeah.” I said. “It was about a porn flick for “girls gone wild: horse fetish edition.” Anyways, one phone call was different. From a girl named Claire Flourence, who was that senior last year who the Frat boys video taped getting her drunk, so she lost her scholarship.”

“Oh, I remember her. Her underwear were so cute in that video..” Robin interrupted, grabbing a bag of chips from the coffee table.
“Right...” Zach said. “Continue.”
“Yeah, what’d she say?” Robin asked with a mouth full of chips.

“That she wanted to get back at Alex and to meet her in front of the Student Curris Center on campus, at 3 P.M.” I finished, gasping for breath.
“I ‘onna go.” Robin said, still having her mouth full.
“Ummm...Okay.” I replied, sitting down in between Zach and Robin on the couch. We stared at the blank television screen for a few minutes before Robin broke the silence by crunching loudly.

“Okay, I’m going to my room to sleep and tell my mother the news about how I failed to meet her standards once again in my life. She’ll be mad....then, I’ll tell her I was raped so she’ll feel bad for yelling. Being a devious bit.ch has its perks.” She said laughing and walking to her room. “Wake me when its three, or else I’ll hunt you down. It’s great to have an excuse to be mean now.”

I shook my head, and looked over to Zach to see him still staring blankily at the television screen.
“Zachary?” I asked, poking him in his side. He grabbed onto his side, nearly laughing from being so tickilish, then, sat up straight, looking at me seriously.

“We should get married.”

I bursted out laughing, but noticed that he wasn’t laughing with me.
“What do you mean?” I asked through laughter.
“I don’t know. I was just kidding. But you know how we used to pretend that we would get married when we were little? I was just remembering that...”

I laid back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling, remembering the many games of “house” we played, when we were younger. Robin was always the dog.
I laughed. “Yeah, I remember..”

Zach looked over at me with his bright green eyes. “I still have my ring.” He said, smiling.
I smiled back.

“I do too.”