With Open Arms and Open Eyes

Quiet sobs shook Maxine's boney shoulders, rocking her whole body. Her normally pale face was blotchy with tears. Her glasses were hapzardly thrown to the side, something very much unlike Max, her face buried into her tiny hands. It had been like this, every night for the last 3 months. Every time Max was alone, memories flooded her mind, leaving her in a mess of tears, begging for something, anything.

The bright morning sun broke the otherwise dismal room, finding it's way under Maxine's eye lids. A tiny groan escpaed her thin pink lips. It had barely been 5 hours since she fell asleep but she still needed to wake up. Her mother had told her to stick to her normal routine, as hard as it was, Maxine tried. She clutched her head as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. The room swam before her big brown eyes. Once it stopped swirling, she glanced over at the alarm. The immediate was her eyes filling with tears. September 22nd. 3 months exactly. Max had to quickly shake her head, trying to escape the never ending tears. Not now.

After a quick shower, which relieved her massive headache a tiny bit, Max sat down at her little kitchen table, a bowl of cereal in front of her. 3 bites in, her phone let out a shrill ring. "Hey Adam." Maxine answered quietly. She knew why he was calling, and didn't particularly want to talk about it.

"Hey Maxie. How are you?" Adam's voice boomed, he wasted no time. He was worried about his best friend. She had become so small, frail, pale and weak. He could only see the physically toll this was taking on her body. Adam wished, hoped and prayed that she would let him in. Maybe, he could help the mental damage, maybe he could build her back up again.

"Fine." She lied. Maxine didn't give Adam nearly enough credit. He knew that girl inside out and had more in common with her than she even realized.

"Do you wanna talk?" He asked but he already knew the answer. She shrugged her shoulders, even though he wasnt there to see it. A tear broke free, as Max mumbled a feeble, "I dunno."

"I'm coming over." Adam said, snapping his phone shut with a quick haste. There was only one way to deal with Maxie, and that was to give her no choice. Max closed her phone softly and set it down. She wanted to talk to Adam, she knew she needed to talk to someone. She needed it. But everytime she tried, her brain froze up, and her breath caught in her throat. Even saying the simplest of the words was hard for her. All the blood rushed to her face, and she never felt more uncomfortable. Max sighed, knowing that it would only be a matter of minutes before Adam showed up. It was difficult for Adam to watch his best friend turn into a sad, fragile thing. Her emotions were all over the place. Max was more than often sad, and mute. But there were times when she was so hostile and defensive, it was like she was a different person. Everything about her screamed anger. And Max could never describe to him how bad she felt. How there wasnt a day, or an hour that passed, she didnt think about her father. Or how torn up, broken and empty she felt.

Nothing could describe the guilt. The guilt she felt everytime a smile passed her face. How dare she be happy when the man who raised her, the man who loved her, was gone forever. How dare Max even consider being happy when she never had a chance to say good bye. Max couldnt take the guilt, but she couldnt take the sadness. It washed through her like nothing she ever experienced before. She wanted to be happy, she didnt want to be that girl every stared at, she didnt want people to worry about her. So Max fell into the in between. Never happy, but never sad. Atleast not around other people. When she laid down at night, it over took her, became her. And there was no escaping it then.

Adam had sped over, atleast going 30 over the limit. This was his chance. He would help. He would make her better. If she let him. Hell, even if she didnt. Adam didnt even bother knocking on the door. He just let himself in. Max was huddled in a blanket, sitting on the edge of the couch. "Hey." He said softly, shutting the door behind him. "You okay?"

Max numbly shrugged her shoulders. She didnt know how she felt. Rather, how she should feel. Peeking through curtains of sandy blonde hair, Maxine looked up at him and offered him a weak smile. It wasnt much, but it sent Adam's heart racing. He sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You dont have to talk Maxie." Adam said, pulling the small girl to his chest. She leaned against his shoulder, breathing in deep.

"I will." Two simple words but by far the hardest Max's had ever had to said. Her chest tightened, but she talked. Not about how nothing was going to be the same, but how happy he was. About her childhood, and her fondest memories. Happier times. It stayed like that for a while, Max just talking and Adam just listening. And when she finished, her chest didnt feel so heavy, her head didnt feel so cluttered. She was crying, but somehow, it was okay.