Can You Keep a Secret?

Five: Slow Down

The next hour seemed to drag on and on. Alex had made it a point to make sure that Brendon sat next to her and not Brittany. This left Ryan to sit next to Brittany. The situation quickly progressed from uncomfortable to awkward and broth Brendon and Alex were too tied up in their own conversation to even notice that their friends’ side of the table was deathly quiet. A pin could have dropped and the world, or at least Ryan and Britt would have heard it.

Ryan opened his mouth to make some sort of noise with his throat that would have hopefully resembled something similar to speech only to have Jeremy return with their food. Brittany stared blankly at her dish. The lights were on but no one was home in Brittany’s head. There was too much to comprehend at the moment.

“So what’s up with the whole ‘Vic’ thing?” Alex asked the table after everyone had received their meal.

Both Ryan and Brittany looked up from their dish to look at Alex.

“What do you mean that ‘Vic’ thing?” Brendon asked through a mouthful of food. “That’s her name.”

Alex stared at Brendon with an amused expression, “No… Her name’s Britt. Short for Brittany, Braden.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, “His name is Brendon.”

“No,” he replied. “Her name is Vic. I’ve known her longer than you. It’s Vic.”

For the duration of the meal, Brendon and Alex furiously argued whether Brittany’s name was in fact Brittany or Vic. The battle was so fierce that Ryan and Vic were forced back into uncomfortably awkward situation. Ryan stared meaninglessly at his plate while Brittany absent-mindedly poked at hers.

“So did you know about this?” asked Ryan quietly without removing his eyes from his plate.

“No,” Britt replied just as quiet. “Did you?”

“No.”

It was both endearing somewhat annoying, the awkward 7th grade tension that was taking place between the two. Both desperately tried to avoid each other’s gaze. Ryan would lift his eyes to look at her and she would quickly avert hers. Then Brittany would look at Ryan, and he would stare elsewhere.

This is pathetic. I’m pathetic., began Ryan’s inner monologue. Why can’t I just have a normal conversation with her? Oh, um, because she left you, moron. Well I never had her to begin with. Yeah because you were a moron. Ryan shook his head, as if trying to stop the voices in his head to from arguing. Great, I’m talking to myself. I must be crazy now. Ryan glanced over at Brittany again, noticing how sad she looked. She’s different now, than before. Yet, some part of her is still the same Vic I had fallen in love with. There was a sad beauty about her. A new mystery that a part of me wanted to be a part of. Only if she’d let me

Unbeknownst to Ryan, Brittany was doing the same exact thing to him that he was doing to her. Oh boy, Alex has no idea what kind of can of worms she’s opened this time. This could blow up in all of our faces. I mean, last time it literally blew up. And look where at where that got me. Who knows what could happen this time? Ryan’s still the same attractive boy that I knew way back when, only a bit more on the reserve side. He’s probably jaded from everything we’ve been through. Brittany sighed, Ah, but I remember when we used to spend time together. When we used to go on ’dates’ when Mike and I weren’t talking. He used to be so out there. So active. He used to be so… Ryan. Brittany smiled a little, remembering the phone mishap. She still had that same phone. Only now she’s the one who pays the bill for it.

“So it’s Britt now, huh?” Ryan asked pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Uh, yeah,” Brittany replied not making any contact with him.

“Cool.” Ryan replied.

“YEAH, THAT’S SUCH A GREAT IDEA,” Brendon’s loud voice said, interrupting their quiet conversation.

Ryan and Brittany’s head snapped up from their plates. The staring contest was officially over.

“What’s a good idea?” Brittany asked a little fearful. Brendon’s ‘great ideas’ usually tended to not be such great ideas.

“Wellll,” Alex began. “I really wanted to go to the beach and Brad-“

“Brendon,” Brittany corrected.

“Right, Brandon, said he wanted to go to the pier. So I said, we should split! I’ll go with Brendon to the beach and you and Ryan can… I don’t know, figure something out… You two seemed quite engaged in a… lively conversation.”

“But-!” Ryan and Brittany both tried to object at the same time. The two looked at each other, afraid of being alone together.

“Yeah, we’re gonna call a cab, so Ryan, you can take the car,” Brendon said standing up.

“See ya,” said Alex and winking at Brittany. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, “There’s nothing you wouldn’t do.”

Alex smiled knowingly at her friend, “Exactly.” Alex looked at Ryan, giving him a smile before winking at him as well.

Ryan returned her wink with a quizzical look on his face then turned to see Brittany’s irritated expression.

“Well bye, you two!”

Brittany watched in disbelief as her two friends walked off. Both Ryan and Brittany stared at the back of their heads, watching them leave, and hoping they would turn around and say this whole thing was a prank. But they didn’t. A moment of awkward silence blanketed the table. After several minutes, Brittany stood up abruptly to leave. Shocked, Ryan stood up with his hands up as if to stop her. A look of desperation appeared on his face.

“Hey, wait, where are you going?” He asked.

Brittany stopped walking and turned to look at Ryan with his pained expression. She opened her mouth and started to make it work, as if she was going to answer him but instead she decided against it. Ryan watched helplessly as she started to walk away again.

Confusion laced Brittany’s thoughts. She was angry at Brendon and Alex for pulling a stunt like this on her. They knew how angry she could get. They should have known better. A hand circled her wrist gently, pulling her back and out of her thoughts, keeping her from leaving.

“Vic,” said Ryan gently to get her attention.

Brittany turned around to come face to face with Ryan’s big eyes. She could feel herself being pulled towards him. Her stomach started to lurch and the feeling of nervousness overcame her. She said nothing.

“Where are you going?” He asked when she did not respond to her name.

“Home,” She struggled to say.

“Let me drive you,”

“I can take myself, really” Brittany insisted.

“Come on,” Ryan pleaded. “Just let me do this, this once”

Brittany did not reply. Instead, she let Ryan lead her out of the restaurant and into the parking lot. Sitting in the car, Brittany was attacked by her thoughts. She had not been alone with Ryan for as long as she can remember. She also remembered how mad she was going to be when she saw Alex again. That really soured her thoughts.

As they pulled out of the driveway of the restaurant, a layer of thick silence covered the car. It filled all the space inside of it as well, suffocating the two. However, neither one wanted to open their mouth and start a conversation. Ryan contemplated turning on the radio just to fill the empty air but decided against it when he realized turning on the radio would spoil any change he had at talking to Vic. Not that much of that was going on. His eyes trailed to the passenger’s seat and saw that she was staring out of her window, deep in thought.

“Where do you live?” Ryan finally asked, breaking the silence while interrupting her thoughts.

Brittany cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable, “At Wilshire. It’s the first small street to your left.”

Silence ensued once again.

Ryan attempted again at conversation, “So…”

Brittany ignored him.

“How have you been?” he tried again.

Again, Brittany ignored his attempts at a conversation.

Ryan sighed, “Look, Vic, I know this is an awkward situation, but maybe we should just try being friends again. What do you think?”

“You can stop in front of the blue apartment right here. Thanks,” she said, ignoring Ryan again.

Ryan parked the car, thoroughly annoyed by being ignored.

“Could you please stop deflecting my questions?” asked Ryan.

Slowly, Brittany unbuckled her seatbelt as if she was thinking of a way to reply to Ryan. When the seatbelt had unbuckled completely she turned to him with a cold expression.

“I don’t know why you’re even trying, Ryan. There’s nothing between us, there never has been, and never will.”

Ryan watched in shock. He was taken aback by Vic’s hostile answer. Pain rang deep in him as he watched her walk away from him… again.