Diary, I Can Actually Talk to You
1 of 1.
I walked into my room closing the door behind myself. I quickly locked it before going over to my bed and kneeling down. From under my bed I took a worn out old notebook with the word Diary scrawled over the front in messy handwriting.
That diary was my own little secret world. Only me and my twin sister Becka knew about it. Plopping down onto my bed.
Dear Diary,
Being a teenager is difficult as I have documented many times in here. There are rules and regulations you HAVE to follow or else everyone you know will see you as odd.
When Becka and I were young, say four years old our parents told us that it was okay to love whoever you wanted. This is something that has stuck with both of us, even now. We did everything together. Some stuff we had to do though.
We would take baths together and think nothing of it. We would share clothes, shoes everything. We had a bond only identical twins had.
Then we hit twelve and we were told that it was wrong to love someone who had the same bits as you. I believe my mothers exact words were. “Ella, Becka. I know we said that loving whoever you wanted was fine when you were children but now listen to me. When a girl loves another girl, it is wrong. Its against God and against nature. If I ever catch you with another girl I will skin you alive.”
My mother is very religious.
When we were both thirteen we realised that although our mother thought it was wrong we both would rather watch the girls in their swimming outfits rather than the boys. Becka and I thought we were great for being rebels behind our mothers back. We were only thirteen, being secretly lesbian was like doing drugs to us.
Then “it” happened. One day while mother was out shopping and Becka and I were watching movies downstairs something happened. Not just something, something HU
I stopped writing halfway through my word because someone was opening the door to my bedroom. I quickly shoved Diary under a pillow as the person walked in the door. Luckily it turned out to be Becka so I didn’t have anything to worry about. She knew all out Diary.
“Ella,” she said “Dinners ready and mum wants you downstairs in a minute. She said all the usual drabble about being washed up.”
Becka laughed. I couldn’t help but smile when she did that. Her laugh was amazing like velvety smooth. You know what I mean. Amazing.
By now she was sitting down on my bed next to me.
“Writing in Diary again?” she asked softly.
“Yea, Diary is the only person I can express my feelings too.”
“Babes, you have me aswell” she said lifting my head up by my chin. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know Becks, I know.” I said. “Gimme a minute to finish writing in Diary and then I’ll be down.”
“Kay.” she stood up to leave but before she took more than a step I pulled her back and kissed her. It was a proper kiss. Not rough or lustful(if that’s a word) it was calm and gentle. Full of love.
We stayed like that for a minute. Maybe longer. Just kissing. Then mum yelled and Becka had to go. I told her I would be half a minute.
Like I said Diary, something HUGE happened. We kissed and we liked it. I had always felt something for her but I was never sure what. I realised it that day. I love Becka. Yes I know that you probably think I’m wrong and sick but love is love no matter what. Isnt it? Maybe one day we will be able to tell people without fear of attack.
Must go now Diary.
Love Ella.
I got up and hid Diary back under my bed. Then leaving the comfort of my room I went down to dinner, hiding once again the biggest secret of my life away from everyone except the person I love and Diary.
Love is complicated. Life is complicated. Loving Becka, well that’s easy. About the only easy thing I’ve ever done.
That diary was my own little secret world. Only me and my twin sister Becka knew about it. Plopping down onto my bed.
Dear Diary,
Being a teenager is difficult as I have documented many times in here. There are rules and regulations you HAVE to follow or else everyone you know will see you as odd.
When Becka and I were young, say four years old our parents told us that it was okay to love whoever you wanted. This is something that has stuck with both of us, even now. We did everything together. Some stuff we had to do though.
We would take baths together and think nothing of it. We would share clothes, shoes everything. We had a bond only identical twins had.
Then we hit twelve and we were told that it was wrong to love someone who had the same bits as you. I believe my mothers exact words were. “Ella, Becka. I know we said that loving whoever you wanted was fine when you were children but now listen to me. When a girl loves another girl, it is wrong. Its against God and against nature. If I ever catch you with another girl I will skin you alive.”
My mother is very religious.
When we were both thirteen we realised that although our mother thought it was wrong we both would rather watch the girls in their swimming outfits rather than the boys. Becka and I thought we were great for being rebels behind our mothers back. We were only thirteen, being secretly lesbian was like doing drugs to us.
Then “it” happened. One day while mother was out shopping and Becka and I were watching movies downstairs something happened. Not just something, something HU
I stopped writing halfway through my word because someone was opening the door to my bedroom. I quickly shoved Diary under a pillow as the person walked in the door. Luckily it turned out to be Becka so I didn’t have anything to worry about. She knew all out Diary.
“Ella,” she said “Dinners ready and mum wants you downstairs in a minute. She said all the usual drabble about being washed up.”
Becka laughed. I couldn’t help but smile when she did that. Her laugh was amazing like velvety smooth. You know what I mean. Amazing.
By now she was sitting down on my bed next to me.
“Writing in Diary again?” she asked softly.
“Yea, Diary is the only person I can express my feelings too.”
“Babes, you have me aswell” she said lifting my head up by my chin. “I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know Becks, I know.” I said. “Gimme a minute to finish writing in Diary and then I’ll be down.”
“Kay.” she stood up to leave but before she took more than a step I pulled her back and kissed her. It was a proper kiss. Not rough or lustful(if that’s a word) it was calm and gentle. Full of love.
We stayed like that for a minute. Maybe longer. Just kissing. Then mum yelled and Becka had to go. I told her I would be half a minute.
Like I said Diary, something HUGE happened. We kissed and we liked it. I had always felt something for her but I was never sure what. I realised it that day. I love Becka. Yes I know that you probably think I’m wrong and sick but love is love no matter what. Isnt it? Maybe one day we will be able to tell people without fear of attack.
Must go now Diary.
Love Ella.
I got up and hid Diary back under my bed. Then leaving the comfort of my room I went down to dinner, hiding once again the biggest secret of my life away from everyone except the person I love and Diary.
Love is complicated. Life is complicated. Loving Becka, well that’s easy. About the only easy thing I’ve ever done.